Guilty working mum syndrome

[malteser1]

Hi all, relatively new to mumsnet and desperate to know of similar tales to cure my obsession -
I went back to work after just 3 months of mat leave, leaving my dd who was very small having been premature with my mum. Work were extremely unhelpful putting me back on 24 hr shifts (i'm a police officer) and in effect caused me to sop breastfeeding as they expected me to be able to pump whilst working as a frontline bobby (Ha like to see the ladies in Hr drive a police car with one hand on their Avent pump!). Still going 18 months down the line but dread going in to work every day and live for my time with dd. Think i'm becoming a bit obsessed and always worry that i'm letting her down. To add to my stress she's had 4 febrile convulsions in the past few months and each time i've been at work and struggled to get to her straight away. how can i continue to work -which i need to financially - and not feel like the worst mum in the world? Any similar stories or dvice for putting my head in order would be so appreciated

I don't work shifts, but do work full time which means that I only get about 1 or 1 1/2 hours with my 3 boys per day. Am always trying to get out of the office asap, but never have much time at home with the kids anyway so it's like half measures everywhere and I feel guilty all the time about everything.

I think that kids just get used to their situation though, as long as somebody's taking care of them. How brilliant to have your mum to do that - I never feel so bad if my kids are with one of their grannies.

Your dd will be proud of you being a police officer when she gets older. Don't forget that most mums work. We all need the money.

I work fulltime and have ds1 whose 3 and ds2 who is 5 months. worked partime before maty leave. DH loks after them 2.5 days/ CM 2 days and i have a back shift on a thursday and then off weekends. You are not the worst Mum at all. I feel a wrench every morning but it helps me to deal with the stress at work cos i think hey do/say what you like i have two fab boys at home who think i am wonderful. I also find it easier knowing they are going to a CM twice a week. CM is brill and they adore her. Guilt is parent hood and whether you are there or not you fell guilty.

Thanks all - grumpyfrumpy your worry time sounds ideal. Shame I can't confine it to the drive home and I carry on worrying into my home time. But will have to work on that. And nicnak2 & jacsmum you're right - what's waiting for me at home should outweight all the other feelings. Will have a think about how I can keep things I worry about with work out of my home life. Thanks for the stories - any more ideas will be of help.

Hi malteser1 - just wondering how you were doing now? I read thru the thread and I think you should be so proud of yourself for going back to your career - must be a tough job these days.
Your dd will be so proud of Mummy too when she's old enough - you're a great role model and a realistic one. I think SAHMs are in the minority these days - like kids with 2 parents still married to each other!
And she'll have a great bond with her GMa - not one that even comes close to your bond of course. That's like it used to be in the olden days - gparents helping raise the kids - quite healthy I think. And lucky you, not having to worry about nursery or childminder.
I went back to my work because I found it easier than being a SAHM - seriously! I feel guilt washing over me all the time though but I feel like I can choose to let it in and have a good cry (which is OK) or I can bat it away and get on with things. Fighting crime must keep you busy BatGirl! xxxxx to you and xxx to your littl'un.

Don't konw why some people have these feelings more than others. I didn't feel guilty. When one of our twins had a febrile convulsion with his nanny (they're quite common) my husband went to them and stayed in hospital because I was at a work function. Children have two parents and there should be no assumption the mother goes to a sick child in mmy view but obviously some women feel they are closer to their children than their partner and want to be with the child more of the time than their partner (and sometimes men feel like that too ) so I suppose couples have to work it out for themselves.