is it possible to work and look after 3 or 4 children?

[earlycomputers]

To all those who work (either from home or out of the home) and who have 3 or 4 or more kids - how do you do it basically? Do you have to employ a nanny/aupair or two? What happens when one of the kids are ill or during school holidays?
I have two kids at the moment but may have more but am worried about the lack of time I would get to pursue work interests - even if I had the help of a nanny etc. I would also be worried about how little time I would be able to devote to my kids. Can it be done though if you have a lot of children? What sort of sacrifices have to be made? I was always under the impression that any kind independent life (ie time to pursue outside interests) went out the window if a woman has more than 2 kids. What's everyone's opinion?

I have 4 kids who are 5.5 years apart. I had to go back to work (part-time) when my youngest was 5 months old. When he was 2 I started a full time degree course, as well as continuing to work 16 hours a week. When he was 6 I was working school hours at a school plus evenings in a call centre. When he was 7 I went back to work full time.

The very worst time was when they all got chickenpox over the Xmas holidays one at a time, just 3 weeks after i'd started the new job, and I had to take time off to look after them. Otherwise we've been lucky and we've covered the odd day sick between us with annual leave.

My DH works permanent nights, so we worked around the children, and FIL retired just before I started uni and was available to step into the breach with playgroup pick ups and having odd children for odd afternoons. DH and I hardly saw eachother- we usually passed on the stairs at 7.30 pm as I came in and he went out!

It was hard work, and I don't think we'd have managed without FIL if I'm honest.

As for a life, me and DH have tried to have a week away every year without the kids since the youngest was 2, which is time to remember why we got married (we haven't been able to this year and it feels like we are falling apart at the seams). I went back to am dram and dancing around the time I went back to full time work. Sometimes I wish i'd had a bit more time for them when they were little but they've all turned out just fine and don't hold it against us.

I am a single mum to 3 children - nearly 14, 9.5 and nearly 5 (youngest also has special needs). I work part-time (2 days in the office and 2 days at home). Childcare can be a bit of a prblem, harder now my youngest is starting school, but with friends, family and the company I work for being so flexible I have not had a problem in the last 14 years of working part-time (albeit at the same company, so they know what to expect now).

I still spend lots of time with my children, cooking dinner, asking about their day, bathing and putting them to bed. I have one day off a week and that is our "family" time although it seems that the older the children get the more often they want friends home from school - sometimes have 5 or 6 children in the house.

I also still get "my" time when the children see their dad at the weekend.

your all hero's weldone to you
i have 2 children and work but three and four children seems loads
if you do get a nanny you will get your moneys worth with 3-4 children

I work from home and have done since ds1 was 5 months old.

I know have ds1 who is 5.5, ds2 who is 3.9 and ds3 who is just 2.

I've never used a nanny, au pair, cleaner but I do have a gardener.

In terms of nursery, ds1 and ds2 have both attended a sessional nursery just in the mornings from being 2 - it's only 9-1 and most of the time I've also had a baby at home but luckily they have always slept for 2 hours in the morning so I usually get work done in that slot.

Otherwise I work in the evening, weekends and if I'm really struggling then dh will take some time off and if really, really struggling I'll ask Mum to come and help me for a day or two while I catch up.

I'm not sure how I manage it tbh. I'm exhausted 100% of the time but I've just learned to live with it really. I'm seeing 'light at the end of the tunnel' as this September ds3 starts morning nursery so 3 days a week I'll have no children at all. In 2 yrs time all 3 children will be in school and then I'll be able to work during school hours and hopefully have evenings and weekends 'free'.

For me the exhaustion and stress is worth it because:

• I've 'kept my hand in' so not been out of work at all - I'm up to date on developments in the field
• It's good to turn my focus away from housework and children and do something a bit more intellectually stimulating
• I earn decent money for the hours I do and we are comfortably off. If I didn't earn we'd manage but we'd be on a tight budget. THis way I can buy the clothes, shoes and other luxuries I want, pay for activities for the boys, go on nice hols etc.

Oh and the obvious one - I can do school runs, and I'm basically looking after the children myself the whole time they are at home and awake! This is quite important to me.

what job do you do g?

I work freelance for my old employer - a pharmaceutical business consultancy/MR agency. I analyse pharmaceutical/medical research and pull it all together into either written reports or powerpoint presentations.

i work for a bank 4 days a week doing project work, even though i could do nrly everything from home they are not keen.

Hmmm, lots of places are like that aren't they Carly? SIL was working at home doing accounts for a roofing firm but since it's come under new management they've said she can't do it anymore. She's just had a new baby so is on maternity at the moment but she doesn't know what she's going to do.

Employers need to get more flexible.

Tbh, I was just lucky to be working for this company in the first place - they use freelancers/consultants as a matter of course anyway so it's not unusual that they allowed me to do it iyswim.

hi earlycomputers,
I have 4 children, and work full time. I am also divorced.
I have an au pair,who keeps an eye on the children while I am not there. She doesnt do cleaning or laundry though.
Fortunately my children are pretty healthy, but Id stay at home if one of them were seriously ill.
I don't have enough time with my children. During the week, we have around 1 hour a day quality time, split between the 4 of them, and at weekends it is not much better.
Saturday am - food shopping
Saturday pm - other shopping eg school shoes, furniture, getting stuff mended etc.
Sunday am - homework or going to church
Sunday pm - outing, or the children go crazy.
We never have time to just mess around.

I do my own stuff after the children are in bed at night.

Gobbledigook - I hope you dont mind me asking this but could you tell me what your job title is and where to find more information. I am looking for a change of career that fits in around family life. I have a strong science and medical background.

Thanks

So - what about school holidays Gobbledigook? Or can all your work be done in school hours? What do other people do re childcare in the school holidays if they work (either part or full time)?
Would it also be fair to say that 3 or 4 kids isn't much harder than 2 kids when it comes down to organising life around work/family - or is it much harder work to have more kids in this respect?

maybe it is just me, but I find 4 children a lot harder than 2. When I had just 2, I was the perfect mum, they had home cooked food, I didnt shout at them etc.
Now Ive got 4, ds said sadly the other day "you never make doughnuts any more, mummy"

fistfullofbanners 4 is much harder than 2! Just to try and cook the other day, my MIL had to come and take one of them out - my youngest is into everything! I knew I would end up screaming otherwise. I will soon be returning to work, but goodness knows how I will get on. The stories on this thread are encouraging though.

I have five children. The first key is before marriage to discuss child care and expectations with your husband if you have one. I married someone who saw parenting as a 50/50 thing so NO WAY was arranging child care ever going to be just my responsibility. In that way we managed 5 children both working full time.

Second key to it is as a teenager make sure you pick a well paid interesting job - point for our children to consider too so that the child care cost and remember it is always to be shared between both partners - it's not a wife's cost - is not swallowing up all the income.

Third thing is not worrying too much. I know studies of working men and women have found that those who think they are done a good enough job and don't worry for hours in bed about separation anxiety from children etc do much better. Perfectionists have the hardest time. Be a "satisficer".

Practical things.... we always had day time live out nannies. We took it in turns to be home first or swapped around whoever was working late. NEVER ever let it be your job to be home first. Women's careers are as important as men's. Make sure you earn as much or more than him too which always helps.

hi i have 3 kids 5 2 and 8 months i start back to work next week 26 hours term time and 3 hours per week during the school hols have just got a childminder also have husband who works long hours often away but i think we will cope im lucky with my hours being term tiime although i dont get paid for school hols. i work as a youth worker with teenagers i love the job but if we go for nipper number 4 i dunno if id go back then.

I work from home and am just about to have no 2 - so nowhere near your heroic 3 and 4 children yet. We are discussing having more but wanted more flexibility so we have started a home business - we have been building it slowly part time around DS 3 and working in an office part time. We get family time, and can fit the business demands around what we do already. Might be an option?

If you wanted some information have a look here working from home