Want to work but paralysed by fear

[MrsMarigold]

I last worked just under three years ago, I'm tearing my hair out at home and cannot bear the lack of financial independence I'm currently experiencing and the tedium of being at home. I have two lovely children and don't plan to have anymore but I just don't know what to do work wise, I also have literally no-one to help me look after them. So getting started would be tough. My evenings aren't really free either as after the DC go to bed I have lots of chores and can only ever sit down at about 10pm. Our house is big and overwhelming.

My DH works very long hours and is rarely around - he works six days a week and although self-employed has no flexibility. He earns loads more than I ever will but I feel everything is his rather than ours (his money, his house, his furniture etc). It's soul-destroying. I used to work in communications but if I have to work with powerpoint or excel I might just hurl myself off the nearest building.

What do you think I should do?

No, we don't jointly own the house. In terms of a pension, mine is pathetic so don't get me started.

You have enabled him to further his career by providing free childcare and all the rest. I would be totting up how much a full time nanny costs plus housekeeper and sending him a bill for the past 3 years.

This is financial abuse.

You have every right to find a job that suits you. He needs to pay his fair share of the childcare, help with drop-offs and pick ups etc. He won't though will he.

I'm sorry OP, this sounds like a terrible situation. It is not his money, it is your money to share! You helped him earn it. A marriage doesn't work like this...I think you need to have a serious conversation with him and start making plans to protect your financial future.

Why is the house not in joint names? I think this is very telling.
Your children are still very young, does he have to work such long hours? he must barely see them.

Also he sounds abusive, financially and emotionally. Do you think he has any respect for you?

If he's your husband the assets are essentially joint anyway, aren't they?

He sounds to have a pretty screwed-up attitude to money and family. Isn't the idea to enjoy your life (collectively) if he earns loads, not all be miserable: him because he's so uptight about it, you because he keept it away from you saving for a rainy day, not realising it's pretty bloody wet now in his house.

What exactly is financial abuse and is it actually illegal?

Can I ask what work you did before? Is it something you would like to do again or if not think of transferrable skills.

Being brutally honest, if I was in your shoes, I would be looking at studying to qualify in something that longer term could be a career with good earning prospects...you are going to need it, and I think you know that deep down..