Guilt ridden what ever I chose....

[Teatimecakes]

I returned to work full time when ds was 10 months - he's now 17 months. I really love my job and hold a senior post. Since going back the guilt had been awful and I've had to teach myself to not think of him all day - thankfully I'm always busy so the days pass quickly. However, my boss has been incredibly good to me since my return to work and incredibly understanding when ds has been ill etc.

Dh has recently been promoted with a significant pay rise and I no longer need to work full time.

I'd love to go part time, which may be possible, but I feel so guilty about letting work down. I know it's just a job and ds is obviously more important, but the place where I work is having a difficult time right now and I'm constantly told how much I'm valued/needed with endless nervous jokes made along the lines of 'you won't be having another baby any time soon will you?!' We're currently ttc #2 but haven't told work this.

So I'm guilt ridden either way

If you're TTC then personally I'd stay full time at the moment (maximise your mat pay) with a view to considering part time when returning from mat leave. Is your DS happy in childcare?

Don't feel guilty towards your employer. It's a job. You can get another (especially if you're that good! )You can't get another chance to be with your child at this age. If that's what you want and can afford to do, do it. No shame at all!

Guilt is pointless and unhelpful. Decide what you want at this stage in your life and do that.

Thanks for your replies. Ds spends 3 days in nursery and 2 days with my mum; he loves both and is a very happy little boy.
I'm seriously considering staying to maximise mat pay after #2 but I've already missed so much with ds I wonder if that's worth it. Thankfully he took his first steps while I was off over Christmas. But every day he has a new word or skill that I have to be told about rather than see and I find that heartbreaking.
The guilt is mainly because I fell pregnant with ds after only 4 months of joining the company - they were amazingly supportive and understanding and now u feel lik I'm stabbing then in the back after they have really gone over and above to accommodate me - like I'm not giving anything back.

This is me except I'm not ttc so I've chosen to go p/t. Haven't started yet, work would only agree to a jobshare, so have to go through recruitment process before I can drop my hours.

I can only say that as soon as I made the choice and work agreed it was such a huge weight off my shoulders.

However, if I was ttc I would agree with the first poster and say stick with it to keep your higher mat pay benefits if your ds is happy.

Good luck whatever you choose. Just try to make the choice for yourself. You know that's what you need to do.

Honestly I would stay full time have your second then come back part time.

Thanks for your replies - I've decided that if I fall pregnant in the next month or two then I'll stick it out till #2 arrives. However, if ttc takes a while, I don't want to miss out on ds when I don't have to so if things aren't happening by the end of April (already ttc for 4 months, with ds I fell in the 4th cycle) then I'm speaking to the boos about part time ASAP - thanks for your help x

Boos?! Boss!