Can I refuse to go on a week long conference abroad?

[Monkeybar]

Huge work dilemma. Have upset my sister, who was going to help DH with childcare while I was away on a conference overseas. DH horrenously busy at work at the mo, impossible for him to take time off (Farmer). I can't expect DH to do childcare plus work. Spoke to a friend in same company and she said that I can't me made to go away for a week and that lack of childcare for the reason given is legitimate. Am a bit worried that I could be sacked if I didn't go, and realise that not going doesn;t help the cause of other working mothers. That said, apparently other mums have missed overseas conferences before too and fro my situation this is giving about 6 weeks notice.

Anyone know where I stand legally?

I think if they sacked you then you would potentially have a case for unfair dismissal. I don't know whether it would be for sex discrimination or discrimination for being a parent - as this could just as easily happen to a father.

There's a really good website for acas who are a publicly funded advice service for employeess/employers. You have a right to request flexible working - your case you'd actually be asking for wha most of us consider 'inflexible' as you want regular 'normal' hours. Here is the link to the relevant page. You have to put the request in writing, obviously keep a copy for yourself, but they would need to respond to your request in business terms. It would also show them that while you are a good consciencious employee, you also have an awareness of your rights so it may make them think twice about doing anything that could be construed as discriminatory.

IMO they should at least offer to reimburse you for extra costs incurred by work - this should cover you childcare. I had asituation like this recently and I negotiated that I would stay at the conference for less time because of the difficulties in arranging childcare. My employers were very helpful - my long term advice would be for you to change job if you can face it to try and get yourself a better deal.

Thanks all for the opinions and good advice. I think maybe it's an issue to raise with the HR manager as opposed to my line manager, as I have discussed it with her and not got a very encouraging response!
That said, after I left the meeting with her I got a call from my ds's nursery to say he had a fever and he's turned out to have chicken pox. My manager has allowed me to be at home doing 'admin' rather than take the days as unpaid leave, which I offered to do, which makes me feel bad about going over her head.
It DOES make me cross though - I'm sure I could catch up with what I'll miss in my own time, and if ds had got the cp just before the conference, I most certainly WOULD NOT be going, and what would they do then?
WIll take independent advice and then give you an update.
Thanks for the link, liquid, will go there when ds is in bed.

Monkeybar - that's exactly what my employer did when DS has been ill. Try not to see it as them doing you a favour, at the end of the day your still being productive and earning your money, it's not like they're saying you can stay at home and do nothing. A lot of parents might call in sick themselves to ensure they still get paid. It does sound like they at least respect your honesty and are willing to work with you a bit but so they should! The law in this area has been very much improved in the last few years and you should find that it's on your side.

I think this can be very tricky especially as childless managers (or managers with lots of helpful family/good childcare) tend not to understand this sort of problem. They can't not offer you this sort of opportunity just because you have children (because that would be discriminatory!). However, I wonder when you took the job whether you knew it encompassed some form of overseas travel - it sounds like you probably did and I wonder whether you could have set your stall out right from the start and stated that you felt unable to travel abroad.

I think you need to decide in your mind whether you want to do any overseas travel and if the answer is no, then to approach HR and to ask them that you not be considered for any overseas trips because you feel you don't have adequate support in place for you to do this. I did this on my return to work - I said I would do UK/Europe travel but nothing that required being any further away and it was written into my terms and conditions that I had requested this.

liquidclocks, there isnt a particular legislation that sets out discrimination against parents as such. Its more of an equal opportunities thing, or, breach of employment rights.

Usually with overseas travel it isnt an issue if they do not have a dependent. Usually, the mother is the main carer. This is why it could be classed as indirect sex discrimination for a woman.

However, if the company put so much pressure on to an employee (male or female) to do overseas trips and either a) dismissed them/disciplined them for not doing so or b) the employee felt they had no choice but to leave their job - this could be classed as unfair (constructive) dismissal.

My gripe with the whole issue of rights as a working parent is that there is such a huge majority of the workforce that are parents (im talking about both sexes), I dont understand why so many employers find it difficult to accommodate simple requests for flexible working, working from home etc. They would find their staff far more loyal, far more willing, and more productive. IMO. Rant over...sorry

Slightly off subject but it's not just at work though ime - when I had my conference DH was asked to go on a trip at exactly the same time - he assumed that he would get priority and I'd cancel my trip! I didn't.

We need equality at home as well as at work.

Absolutely LC.

Have held a similar stance before now.

VVV is SOOO right.

If it's that important for you to be there, how about taking DS with you and your employer providing creche facilities. This is what I did at a trade union conference... and that was 10 years or more ago, when things were even more difficult for working mums.

Definitely join a union! I wasn't in one - partly because my employer refuse to recognise any. Then got in a mess and really wished I was!

I'm also pretty sure they can't fire you, and that you can challenge it legally if they did, but that's obviously stressful - especially for "mice"! As always, what they can do is make life more difficult. I think union membership helps discourage this cos they know you could take action if you wanted!!
Sounds good that nusery staff can help. No way of making it up with sister??

Good luck!

Don't be put off making an application for less hours if you wanted to though. If you can convince them of some benfits to them, or at least low impact, then they may be less bothered about that than about not attending a conference at all. Also, they do have to give a specific, justifiable reason from the government's list for refusing a flexi-hours request, so you've got more of a case.

Any news Monkeybar?

I think it's as much your husband's problem as yours. Get him to fix the childcare and say it's nothing to do with you. He can ring round, pay find a relative but childcare is not a mother's issue. It's a parents' issue.

I'm going on the conference
I am having two of the girls from my ds's nursery come to my house to childmind / babysit until my dh gets home from work. Conference is week after next. I don't want to go

It might do you good. I always never want the effort of going away on business but once I've been or am away (which isn't very often) it ends up being a change of scene, break and rest and chance to think about things and the children survive. I'm going away for a week next year (first time that long ever) without the children. Hope that works out okay.

I hope it goes smoothly. Take the chance of more sleep when you can get away from the non-obigatory socialising!!