Job dilemma

[ThoughSheBeButLittle]

I recently returned to work after being on mat leave for 12 months and having done the sums can't decide what the best thing to do is so would welcome other opinions.

My DH is in the forces and as such is usually away about 1/2 the year and cannot be relied upon in terms of childcare, he does everything possible and does loads when he's here but if often away at short notice. We don't live close to any family and have lots of friends but they have their own children. We have 3 children, 2 at primary school and one of 18m. So, that's the background info....

I am an NHS shiftworker, crunching the numbers the other night we realised that after childcare, petrol, parking etc we are +£200 per month when DH is here and can take care of any childcare that falls outside 7am-5pm when the childminder looks after the kids. We are however down (at least, depending on shifts) £100 in the months he is away and I have to find/pay for extra childcare.

When DH is away and I'm working the boys will have to miss out on their evening clubs as there isn't anyone who can take them regularly which make me feel a bit rubbish for them. I enjoy my job and have worked hard to get it but I feel despondent that I am creating stress/uncertainty for the children and not actually really earning any money either for my 30h per week plus 6h travelling time.

Any advice?

How often is DH away - that probably a stupid question! But over a year, are you making money through working or loosing money?
Do you need the money to balance the month at the end of the money?

Can you look for a similar job closer or on days?

If you ducked out til your youngest started school, is it a job you could get back into?

He's usually around 6 or 7 months a year but it's in chunks rather than continuous iyswim. I'm finding it v stressful trying to find care for 5-7 in the evenings and I just don't know whether it will even be possible to find someone continuous rather than just a series of emergency babysitters.

If I'm honest I'd like to stop the regular job and just do bank or agency work to keep in the loop but it's such a big step to give up a steady job when we're not exactly rich. Mind you looking at the figures it's cost neutral anyway.

It's just the what ifs... what if dh looses his job or has an accident? What if I suddenly need to be the sole provider for some reason?

It's just going round and round in my head.

I have a 1 year old daughter and it has not easy, you have to do so many run up and down and only my husband work. I used to work and i had to give up my job. I feel the same stress but i said i have to do something while i am home, otherwise you know everything is expensive, bills etc..
I work with forever living product company from home, at least i don't have to go out worrying about my daughter. It is a very demanding job as it is product sale and building your team, i don't know if it is for you and you want to do bank and agency job. Think positive always because i am doing this job and lots of people i met told me its not going to work, you can't find people to join but still i didn't give up. keep trying and i am sure you will get something you want to do.