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Original poster

Going back to work full-time, husband stays at home - possible?

10 replies

AnnaWilde · 21/01/2014 21:03

I hope you can provide me with some advice. My DS is 20 months old. I resigned from my company when pregnant, hoping to gain some freelance experience and just looking for a change. Although I have been freelancing, I've only just been able to pay my mortgage with hardly anything left for pleasure. I've been lucky that my DH has supported me.

I really enjoyed maternity leave, but as more and more of my mummy friends went back to work I started to feel a bit bored and unstimulated, missing work culture and jargon, and also struggling to stimulate DS. I've been looking for part-time work, but no luck. I've now been invited for an interview for a role that seems interesting, very good career wise. But it's full-time with no flexibility on the hours, 9-5.30pm Mon-Fri. The company is very keen to meet with me and I think I stand a good chance of getting the role.

My DH sold his company a few years ago and is very well off financially. Since selling his company he's lacked drive and not been looking for work, spending his days at home. So if I do go full-time, DS would go to nursery three days (6h/day), dropped off and picked up by his dad, and be at home with dad (and sometimes grandma) two days a week.

I know I will really miss my son and I so wish i could find a part-time role, but I've been so worried about my career lately that it feels stupid to turn this role down. I'm planning on getting pregnant end of this year and if possible return on a more flexible basis after my next maternity leave. I have no idea if this will be possible though, the company may just refuse it, but I will have to deal with that then.

DH is not happy. He thinks I should stay at home too, but our relationship is really suffering when spending so much time together. He thinks I will get more freelance stuff, but I strongly doubt this. Also, I lack the drive to look for more. It's really drained me and I lack confidence to reallly go for it.

Do you think I will regret taking the full-time role? Should I not take it and try to pursue a freelance career, have second baby and then try to look for a permanent role? Would it be tricki

OP posts:
stealthsquiggle · 21/01/2014 21:06

I am failing to see the issue here. If the genders were reversed, it would not even be up for discussion (except possibly the nursery bit).

Alanna1 · 21/01/2014 21:08

Go for it!

kiwikaterpillar · 21/01/2014 23:26

This is what DH and I are doing starting 3rd Feb! Sounds like it will work for both of you so go for it. Grin

1stMrsF · 20/02/2014 14:03

Although my children were older than yours, DH and I have role reversed for the last year. There have been tough bits, but it's worked out well overall. I work full time, in a new career, so I've been able to get into a new sector and fully commit to it whilst not worrying about childcare issues.

Above all though, I would go for the interview. You can always turn down a job you've been offered but if you don't go, you won't have the choice.

hootloop · 20/02/2014 14:10

We will eventually do this as I have higher earning potential than DH (although currently my health won't allow it), as long as one of us is around and one is earning enough to pay the bills it doesn't matter who does what.

hootloop · 20/02/2014 14:11

We will eventually do this as I have higher earning potential than DH (although currently my health won't allow it), as long as one of us is around and one is earning enough to pay the bills it doesn't matter who does what.

fancyanotherfez · 20/02/2014 14:11

It sounds like your DH doesn't want to do any childcare! Does he think you will just do everything if you are both at home and he can continue with his lifestyle? I appreciate he is well off and presumably can do as he likes, but even if I was a millionaire, the thought of sitting at home all day with DH and the baby would drive me nutty!

maggiethemagpie · 24/02/2014 19:33

I did this after our first child and will be doing it again soon now we have another. It worked great as my partner is more suited to being a SAHD than I am to being a SAHM. I'm not earning megabucks, but he has a property in London he rents out and this provides enough income to justify one of us staying at home. We are planning to take contract roles and take it in turn to be the SAHP in the long term.

CityDweller · 05/03/2014 22:25

In response to the title of your thread - yes of course it's possible. This is 2014, plenty of men are stay at home dads these days - I know several and my DH would probably be glad to be one if we could afford for one of us to give up work.

The real issue here seems to be with you and your DH not wanting the same thing...

TypicaLibra · 05/03/2014 22:31

I would be nervous just from reading threads on here where it all goes pear shaped and if - worst case scenario - you were to split, your DH would potentially get custody as he would be the primary care-giver. Sorry to be the voice of doom and gloom, but it's just something to be aware of.

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