How do other working mothers stop stressing?

[SancerreMerlot]

I work full time and seem to spend most of my working week in a state of anxiety. Getting everyone up and out, dropping off at school, praying there are no traffic jams/roadwork's so I can get into work on time by the skin of my teeth, constantly checking phone in case school ring to say they're ill and to come and collect them, always dashing off before I should to get them from after school club etc etc etc! Any advise on how to chill out about it all would be so appreciated. It's impacting on our weekends now as I'm stressed and cranky with DH (who is away during the week).

I minimise stress by preparing everything in advance. I organise the DC's clothes into complete outfits so I just need to pick out a pre-sorted bundle from their drawers in the morning. I pack their nursery bags the night before and put my the door ready to go. My outfit is laid out during the evening too so all I need to do in the morning is get everyone up, fed and dressed.

WRT checking for contact from nursery, I know that if they can't get hold of me they have 3 other contacts to go to in a real emergency and if all else fails the nursery staff have written permission to consent to medical treatment on my behalf.

I have a contracted 30 minute lunch break instead of a full hour so I can leave half an hour early while still keeping up my hours. Would that be possible for you?

You could also look at the after-school activities your DC do and drop anything they're not 100% enthusiastic about.

Could you drop them at breakfast club so that you have a less stressful journey to work? As for checking phone - make sure school will phone you at work as first point of contact? Then you know the call would get through and don't have to worry?

I have a childminder and they go at 8 so I have plenty of time to get to work (I'm a school teacher and couldn't drop them at their school then get to mine in time). She picks them up after school and they are there til 5 so on some nights I go and collect them and on others DH does.

I don't have the answer because I often feel completely rushed all week, particularly drop-offs and then racing out the door to collect at the end of the day. I am struggling to get my 3 year old out the door at the moment, so I can drop him off at day care and then drive to work. I don't get to work until 9.15 most days and I am lucky that I am quite senior and so can (sort of) come in as late as I do. However, I do feel like people think I wander in late. It's just a nightmare getting him to day care, fighting traffic, parking the car etc. Then at the end of the day I am watching the clock and feeling like I should leave to go and collect him so the day isn't too long. My DH and I juggle drop-offs and pick ups but it's easier for him to pick up and me to drop-off as he starts earlier than me.

We also have a 8 month old DD but she is looked after at home by DM and DMIL.

I do feel like I spend my entire life racing around though. Luckily my work is not chaotic. I spend it in an office working largely on documents so I don't feel like I am racing at work, just before and after.

Being organised is key for me and getting up early. DH and I both get up around 5.30am which lets us get organised and allows me to get some exercise in as well.

Oh shit, just re-read your post and your DH is away all week. Bloody hell. Could you get an aupair or babysitter to help with the school pick-up and getting dinner ready etc? Or drop-offs in the morning? Is that a viable option?

Sorry for not replying sooner, we were stuck with sick bug last night! Think there is a virus going around. I think AndHarry you are right, I must get more organised. We use breakfast and after school club but then I stress about how long they are left at school for (never mind the fact they love it there!) I still worry. I am a teacher too Kidsintow so I literally have ten minutes to race 4 miles to get to class by 8am. Pre kids I would be there before half seven and stay till 6pm and still bring home work. Now it's working at home till late once children have gone to bed. Emilyloo2 it's good to know you go through it on a daily basis, makes me realise there are lots of us out there! Thank you all for replying, think I really needed to vent and lovely to get some sensible advice, really appreciated. x

I don't. Everything is organised but I'm always in a state of stress. I nearly cried at work today.

So no suggestions but you're not alone in struggling.

Sympathies. You are not alone.
I've recently gone back to work after dc2 and it's bloody awful. I am now on anti d / anti anxiety meds to help.

Organisation is a key here to. Result is that kids are fine, house is ok, DH and I are ok. Me is a different story. Not sure of solution but I guess I have to suck it up for now!

You are in effect being a single parent, working full time with a hideously stressful job which eats time (I'm a teacher too)

I think you need to have a rethink with your dh. Does he have to work away every week? Do you ave to do full time, o can you afford to drop a day or so?

It seems to me that you are trying to do too much

Ouch, that is pretty bad; I'm not surprised you're stressed. My DM is a teacher and while my DB and I were too little to walk home from school by ourselves she employed one of the TAs from our school as a nanny to take care of us at our house before and after school. It was well before the days of breakfast and after-school clubs but it did work well, both for us and the TA who earned some extra cash. Do you think you might be able to find someone like that or a childminder just to do those morning drop-offs so you don't have such a tight timeframe?

Also as a child of a teacher with a dad who often worked away, I can say I loved my childhood and didn't feel the slightest bit hard-done by :) We used to have great fun during the school holidays, nothing mega-expensive but things like going for picnics at a park during the summer. Don't feel guilty!

How are you doing op?

I feel like that a lot of the time too, I felt like crying today rushing home to pick up ds from his school, dd & friend from another, dropping dd's friend off then take ds for a haircut...we were late!

One of the changes that I am trying to make is to only do the things that really need doing (dusting etc can wait!) and from today to not book anything after school!

Tbh, my little one goes to High School in September so as long as she gets into ds's school having them both in the same place should be a little easier...I can't wait!

The clue is in the first post - you are a single parent all week. For me that would have been totally unacceptable and I would never have tolerated it. It's not a fair or decent marriage (for me that is). We both worked full time but both did as much as each other at home.

I don't know if I can help- just wanted to sympathise. I went full time in an SLT post in September doing all the drop offs and 3 pick ups. DH is also SLT but works much further away and has a less understanding Head. By December I was off sick with stress. I just couldn't do it and DS (3) just wasn't really coping with being in childcare from 7.30am to 5.30 - 6pm.

I have now dropped back to a part time class teaching position (god love my Head for being so understanding as she's picked up a tonne of the work I was doing).

Could you go part time or could the DM/MIL combo help out with some school runs?

If you have an extra room, get an aupair. Live-in domestic help is life changing, particularly since you are effectively a lone parent during the week. The aupair does the drop off and pick up and covers all sick days and does housework whilst the dcs are at school. She also chivvys the dcs to do homework and feeds them dinner and gets them changed before I get home.

I can stay late at work without too much problem. I function as if I don't have dcs and can concentrate on my work during the work day. It means that I can get promoted and effectively earn back the cost of the aupair.

op...another thing that has really helped me is telling myself every morning to take one day at a time and really try not to worry about the what its but to just deal with what happens. Getting as organised as possible is great but I found a lot of the stress was in my head. Hope you are doing OK.

Au pair? I cope at the moment because of long nursery hours but when ds gets to school age I think we'll need more help.