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Original poster

Being bullied at work

24 replies

gutted · 27/07/2006 08:18

Two weeks ago started work at a company that I have been trying to get into for a very long time, I was so excited when I got the job but now I am gutted because I am being bullied.

The woman who I am taking over from (she is being promoted) is training me and she took an instant dislike to me and is turning other people in the office against me. I walked in from lunch the other day and they were all around her desk and she told them "Shhhhh, behind you" as I walked in. Ever since they have been 'short' with me and in some cases down right rude!

I nearly burst into tears yesterday but I took a deep breath and got on with my work and tried to be polite and friendly with them if I needed to talk to them. I don't know how to handle it, I've never been in this situation before.

I go on holiday tomorrow so I have two weeks off, but I don't know if I can face going back when the holiday is over.

OP posts:
Wisp · 27/07/2006 08:24

I feel so sory for you.
This hapened to me several years ago. I worked in an office full of bitchy women and my supervisor, from day one made life dificult for me.
I tolerated being laughed at and made fun of for several months, also being deliberately given the crap jobs to do.

I was petrified of going into work, and led to a very long and painful depression.
I resigned, and told to Director that he had an office full of bitches and a supervisor who was a spiteful bully, then walked out...best feeling ever ! A
week later got a fantastic job that I stayed with until I had Ds1.
Please don't stay there if it will make you scared to go to work or unhappy.
Can you speak to a supervisor about it ?

Wisp · 27/07/2006 08:25

soeey for the dreadful typing/spelling, my keyboard is dying on me !

MaryP0p1 · 27/07/2006 08:26

You say she is being promoted. Is she going to be your boss? Are you going to have to work with her?

Bellie · 27/07/2006 08:28

Please please don't put yourself through it! It is not worth it. I was bullied at work for nearly 3 years and ended up with depression and a breakdown because of it. Your health is just not worth any job - no matter how good you think a company is.

If you are worried about getting another job, you can always say at an interview that they job wasn't what you thought it was and decided to leave sooner rather than later.

Original poster
gutted · 27/07/2006 08:31

I don't want to 'make waves' yet, I thought I might see how things are after the holiday, maybe its because of the heat, then again maybe I'm just making excuses for them.

It has totaly knocked my confidence in myself, I am starting to question if I am a horrible person - if it is something to do with me as a person. I even phoned dp and asked him if I had BO or if I was difficult to get along with. Yesterday i could feel myself 'retreating inwards' iykwim, this is so not me. I don't know what I have done wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
gutted · 27/07/2006 08:33

Marypop, I think I am still going to have to work with her, knowing my luck atm yes, she will probably be my boss!

OP posts:
Bellie · 27/07/2006 08:34

gutted, you have done nothing wrong, and don't blame yourself. Bullies will just find someone to pick on regardless. It is probably the fact that you are new in an established office? Or even the fact that whilst she may have been promoted she feels that you will be able to do her old job better than her and fees threatened?

Original poster
gutted · 27/07/2006 08:34

Bellie, I have decided today that I am going to start applying elsewhere, I can't see me staying there long.

OP posts:
Chandra · 27/07/2006 08:34

Can you talk to human resouces or your immediate boss?

I had a similar situation in the past (though it was just one person, however she was mean.... she even yelled at me in front of other 50 people that she hated the work I had produced not because it was bad but because I had done it! )

I complained to my boss the day afterwards saying that although I was not expecting a welcome party when I started that I was not prepared to deal with that sort of behaviour which obviouly was not my fault as I had not been there long enough to be diliked to that level.

Boss told me it was nothing related to me, that they knew about her outbursts, he had been also a victim of them, hence... they decided to give the senior position to me instead of to her.

I think you have to bit the bullet and speak to someone else, and with regards to your team, if they one of them act strange towards you ask them why and offer a constructive answer after they reply. That may help to shame them to stop.

MaryP0p1 · 27/07/2006 08:39

Good sounds like the best idea, if you have an exit interview say why, it won't reflect on you if you do it diplomatically.

Freckle · 27/07/2006 08:42

Have a look here . This website is specifically about bullying in the workplace. You may find some useful advice there.

Original poster
gutted · 27/07/2006 08:43

I have already tried to talk to one of the more approachable ones, she was quite short and just told me to take it up with the woman in question.

I'd love to know what she has said to them, because up until the time I walked in on them talking about me everything was fine with the rest of them.

I have racked my brains trying to think of what I may have done to offend or upset her, I don't like confrontation but maybe I should ask her but I am worried it might make things worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
gutted · 27/07/2006 08:50

Thank you for the link Freckle, I have downloaded and printed an advice sheet it says "Do not become isolated" but I'm afraid thats exactly how I feel at work.

It also says to keep a record, log dates what was said/done etc.

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thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 27/07/2006 09:02

a short-term idea is to try to spot opportunities to chat one-to-one with your new colleagues - not specifically about this - but because in one-to-one situations it's harder for people to ignore that you're actually a nice person! bullying is in part dependent on a group dynamic and you can undermine the bully by making realise that she's being a bully. I know it's easier said than done but try to chat when you can and try to be yourself. (The bigger qs are obviously whether you should raise it with HR, whether you should leave etc - but I don't know any answers to those)

Original poster
gutted · 27/07/2006 09:37

Thanks thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat, I did that yesterday morning before the woman came in and I thought I was getting on quite well with people but when she came in it went back to the way it was before.

I am going to keep trying, if I can sort it out I would quite like to say there, the work is interesting and the benefits from working with this company are good. I will see if there are any other jobs going within the company, just not in that particular department, I know many of the jobs go internally in this company so I stand a good chance.

Thanks for listening everyone, I feel a bit better now, I'm going to try to stay positive and take each day as it comes and try to get along with the other people in the office (you never know one of them may tell me what was said about me and I can put people straight). As for the bully I will try to be polite and not take too much notice of what she does/says.

I think Bellie may be right, she feels that I will be able to do her old job better than her and feels threatened. The first day I started there I asked her how long it took before she knew what was what, she told me three months, I told her in that case it would probably take me four (jokingly). I have been there two weeks and I 'sort of' know what I am doing, of course there are the odd things I have to ask about, but for the most part I am ok. (Having said that, I will prob arrive back from my holiday and find that I have made loads of mistakes and messed up completely! lol)

OP posts:
Original poster
gutted · 27/07/2006 09:57

Chandra and Bellie, you stories about being bullied made me cry, I hope you are both ok now.

Wisp, you story was fantastic! I would love to do that!

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CarolinaMoose · 27/07/2006 10:06

what a bummer gutted .

I'd be concerned about how much the rest of the team let themselves be guided by this woman - if she's queen bee and has decided to take against you (agree it is prob her insecurity about whether you'll be better at the job than she was), then things aren't likely to improve while she's there without massive effort on your part.

I'd be very tempted to leave quickly if you can find something else - it will look better on your cv than sticking it out for months and then leaving.

meowmix · 27/07/2006 10:22

could you pull her aside and say that you feel you haven't got offg on the right foot and could you discuss? If she's a bully she won't like being stood up too and will either get veryu angry (in which case stay calm) or will back down. Just make sure that you tell someone else that you had the discussion and that you prompted it.

Tortington · 27/07/2006 10:54

i have been bullied and that website helped an awful lot when it came to speaking to a manager. they knew i had researched it - an although nothing was "actually" said - they were all thinking " shit ....lawsuit!" and were extremely helpful from then in.

the trouble with my situation was the man who was bullying was very financially valuable to the company and worked outside of the organisation.

in your situation i would get her whilst in the toilets - with a prend wash my hands thing and say - "look if you have a problem with me - tell me. we can either work together in harmony or i will take what i consider to be bullying further up in the organisation and even as far as an employment tribunal.....you see - i'm not going anywhere lady, i have a family to feed - this isn't my hobby, i don't want your job, i am not trying to take over - so make your choice"

Tortington · 27/07/2006 10:56

see i dont hink being all nicey nicey at this stae is going to help " ohhh hi can we start again "

you really need to show her your not to be messed with. bullies dont like being faced up - tell her your going to follow through with bullying charges if she carries on - and she could lose her job

meowmix · 27/07/2006 11:13

see your point custy but most bullies I've encountered go all limp at even the hint of a confrontation!

themoon66 · 27/07/2006 11:49

Is it a public service company? Can you join a union? I ask coz I'm a shop steward myself and I would say just slap a grievance on her. No messing.

Original poster
gutted · 27/07/2006 12:20

I haven't joined the union yet, I've only been there two weeks, I haven't even had my formal induction day with personnel yet - its when I start back after my holiday, so I'll ask about joining then.

Its really hard to know how to deal with it, I don't like confrontation, I have never been in this situation before, I have to try to get along with her because it is her that is supposed to be training me and if I don't know something its her I have to ask (although I try not to). She avoids talking to me unless she has to, I just can't work out what I have done to annoy her so much.

OP posts:
Bellie · 27/07/2006 13:53

gutted, sorry that I made you cry - just to let you know that I am fine now and in some ways it has made me a better person. I am much more able to spot situations and try and stop them before it gets worse (i had counselling to help me with this).

I can't really add anything that others haven't already said, but just to let you know that I am thinking of you.

Hope you have a good holiday.

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