How am I going to do it?

[SharonCurley]

Very overwhelmed at the thought of returning to work in a few weeks.Have two dds 4 and 7 months.Husband works away during the week.Baby not a good sleeper.Still breastfeeding.Managing to get everything done that needs to be done but absolutely exhausted at the end of the day to the point that I feel shaky.I have an Underactive thyroid which contributes to the tiredness.I am so worried about how I will cope when I go back as I know I found it very tiring when I was pregnant.I feel when I'm at home I have more patience but when I'm tired from work (a teacher) I don't feel like I'm being the mum they deserve.There is an option to job share and we could afford it but hubby thinks we are better to have the extra income.Any advice welcome.

It sounds as if you know what you need to do to cope - job share!

You have to weigh up your priorities here. Is potentially sacrificing your health, relationships with your DCs, and possibly your DH, not to mention struggling to do a good job in school worth a few more pounds in the bank? The stress of it all could make you really ill!

If you have the option of a job-share, it would seem an ideal way to try and keep your career going whilst still having time to cope with the demands at home, at least whilst your DC are really small, IMHO.

Obviously it is a joint decision but as the person doing ALL the childcare drops/collects/household management during the week (I assume as yr DP works away) I think your view should carry more weight....?

If he was around to take on half maybe then....but if you have to do it all I would seriously consider job share. You sound really stressed without adding in a full time job.

Could you do the job share for now with the plan to go full time at some point in the future?

Oh yeah I would definitely be going back to full time.It would be for a year or two.Just trying to weigh it all up.How do people manage to have a clean house,home cooked meals,happy children and work full time while dp works away.I'm starting to wonder if there's something wrong with me that I feel I wouldn't be able for it.I feel I am supposed to just suck it up and get on with it and that I am lazy or selfish to even consider it.

Agree your view should carry more weight. You're the one who has to do everything during the week, not to mention go to work knackered from a baby up all night.

I go back to work in a few weeks too. DH works late shifts so I will have to do nursery and school pick ups, dinner, bedtime. But he will be sorting them out in the mornings when I am rushing off to work. Having to do it all yourself will be tiring. It sounds like you think you are being a bit pathetic for thinking that. You aren't! You are lucky to have the option to job share and that you can afford it. There is nothing wrong with taking that option.

With regard to a clean house, if you could afford to go part time then if you go full time you can surely afford to get a cleaner. Or you can both do housework at the weekend - if your DH moans then why should you look after your DC all week and then also wash all their clothes and clean and tidy up after them too?

As far as home cooked meals go, I cook big loads of risotto/curry/pasta/cottage pie and freeze them in individual pots to have during the week. If you are full time then on Sat and Sun when you or DH cook make loads extra to stock up the freezer. Also if DD has had a cooked school dinner and then soup or beans on toast at after school club then I think she doesn't necessarily need a big cooked dinner every day. Same with DS who will have had a cooked lunch and several snacks at nursery. A sandwich if I am really knackered is fine. Omelette and salad is a great quick meal. Nothing wrong with a treat of pizza in front of the TV.

Also, you might want to get some blood tests done if you haven't recently. The tiredness could also be due to anaemia which is easily sorted with iron tablets.

Sharon, I am also a teacher with 2 dds now aged 9 and 11 years but remember those early years well.

You sound like a real trooper and agree with careers dragon. I worked 2 days a week job share until my dds were 5 and 7 years old then increased to 3 days per week, which I still do. Even now I do not feel that ft would make for a good work/ life/ family balance!

I think you are expecting far too much of yourself, and so is your DH. I do not know a single ft teacher who has young children and a DH away from home. And I know dozens of teacher -parents. The only people in that situation that I know, have resorted to nannies/ au pairs. I don't want to make you feel even more overwhelmed, but wanted to give an honest view on your situation.

Good luck
Xx

Thank you for all your replies.We had a chat last night and he is going to see if he can work from home or part time as my job is more secure and I earn slightly more.I just don't want to sacrifice my kids well being, my well being or my job by trying to do it all for the sake of an extra bit of money.

It does sound like a lot on your plate. I am a teacher, my DH works away Mon-Fri, I went back PT when my children were 7 and 9 and have been fulltime for the past year (they are now 11 and 13). It is very full on and very tiring. Be careful how much you try to take on.

My dc are 5 and 2. DH away in the week often too. I used to job share, but was restructured out of my job share when I was on ml with dd. Jobshare is great - take it! I still work the same number of days a week (3), but often work late on my last day to tie up loose ends - no one to hand them over to.

You see I have a big thing about work/family/life balance.My parents worked full time and everything suffered.The house was a tip-mess and clutter everwhere,meals were convenience meals in front of the tv, their relationship was really bad and they eventually split up, no one had time to listen properly.It was just chaotic.There was plenty of money for clothes and holidays to the sun but in the grand scheme of things it's the day to day things that really matter.Of course the money is important too.If my parents had'nt worked we wouldn't have gone to college.My siblings however went from course to course and job to job and relationship to relationship.I think a bit of stability and direction might have helped here.They needed emotional support, advice, guidance but there was no one there to offer it because they were too stressed/depressed.I see Dps family as very stable.Fil worked and Mil stayed at home.They are a very close family unit.There was always someone there to sort out 'the mess''(housework or emotional!)I have no intention of staying at home forever.I like work.I have worked hard to get here.I want my girls to do the same.I want the financial security and independence.I don't want to muddle through the next few years when there are other options.I may need to have a chat with a counsellor to see how I am going to approach this!

Sharon good that there are options and that your DH is willing to get involved in working out the solution.

The fact you are aware of how you felt as a child should mean that you are able to prevent history repeating itself even if you do decide to work ft.

An obvious point but have you worked out what the actual take home pay difference will be between pt and ft? IME it is easy to say "The £10k will make all the difference" but then you take away the tax/NI and additonal childcare etc...

On a practical note there is a thread on Going back to work about working full time which has tips/strategies for coping if you haven't seen it (cannot link as on phone).

Good luck.

Doh. Sorry realise this is in Going back to work!!

Thanks Margot.I think I know what I have to do to be as efficient as possible -meal planning,shop at weekends,batch cooking,good child-care,having everything ready the night before.I just want to plan the operation!I think I'm just panicking at the moment because I suddenly feel very alone in all this!Whatever arrangement we come to, it will have to involve more support for me so that my job or the kids don't suffer.Lightbulb moment/breaking point-I've suddenly realised that I was doing it all and that's not okay .I can't believe it never struck me before!

My DH works away-it is hard to do it all on your own. I work part time mainly weekend nights-not great for family life but we all do what we have to do. If one of you can compromise life would be easier.