Stress at work - time for change?

[Geoff0409]

I have been in my job for nearly 8 years now. It was great when I first got it as my fiancee (now wife) had just fallen pregnant with our first child. She wasn't well and it was just enough extra money to make sure we would be ok when she didn't work, and was also far better hours. Anyway since the birth of our 2nd child (3 years ago), alot has changed at work. It was relocated quite a bit further away, and despite a wage increase to help compensate for petrol, we are worse off than before. The jobs can also be stressful and has made me quite physically sick - more and more in the last couple of months. My manager is generally a nice guy, but his behaviour is very strange sometimes and it is very obvious we are totally different - my wife says I am one of the most un-corporate people she has ever known. Don't get me wrong, I work hard and always try to do my best, I am just not that into the whole "career" thing and I loathe the office politics and backstabbing that goes on. Anyway, I have just applied for a new job and am holding out high hopes I might get an interview. It is a position that involves visiting residential (OAP) homes, checking in on residents, doing minor DIY jobs, checking the alarms, overseeing maintenance projects and contracts, arranging social activities and loads more. It is the sort of job I think I would love and hope that the old folks would love me too. I have deliberately held off for the job I think is right for me. My only dilemma is that it's a bit lower money than I am on at the moment. I have done the figures and we would be ok, but am I doing the right thing? If it was just me I wouldn't ask but I do worry about my family. One thing's for sure, I can't carry on making myself ill.

A slight dip in wages will be more than made up for by you being happy and healthy. There's nothing better than going from a job you loathe to a job you love, as long as the numbers add up - a year ago I was so stressed at work I wasn't sleeping and was having regular panic attacks. Changing jobs transformed my physical and mental health, and did my marriage so much good it was like when we had first met.

You have my sympathy - I am currently at home with CFS brought about by stress and exhaustion. A combination of 12 hour days and nearly 3 months of European & Global travel this year.

My doctor foresees a 6 month minimum recovery period.

I am the family breadwinner too, so I know the extra pressure that puts on.

It's so important to get that work life balance, if you feel comfortable that your sums are robust and that you will manage then go for it.

It sounds very rewarding and interesting too. Your children will move onto schooling, your DW might want to work so things could get better financially in the long term.

Good luck with the application and interview.

Thank you for the quick replies. I do feel that this job (if I manage to get it), would hopefully result in a happier me. Jollysanters sorry you have been diagnosed with CFS. You are amazing to have carried on with that job for that long. My work is not in that league - I'd be a nervous wreck. I wish you well with your recovery and take your time to get over it. I am however physically ill every morning before work - and then fine at the weekend! I used to have spells like everyone does where some days at work are good and some bad, but I haven't felt like this so continually before, where I feel so ill and fed up and that feeling doesn't go away. Hopefully I will end up happier - well done to MyNameIsWinkly for doing the same thing I am attempting. If nothing comes of this then it's back to the drawing board, but on the little holiday time I booked off around christmas, I have done plenty of reading up (books and online) on starting a small business by myself. I have a couple of ideas of what I'd like to do and what I think I'd be good at so who knows. Thanks again for the support.

Good for you. Yes don't let it get to my stage, it's a slippery slope.

You poor thing, I know how this feels. My mental health has really suffered while I've been doing my PhD. I'm pretty sure I don't want to go into academia now.

Everyone upthread is right in saying that a dip in income is preferable to doing a job you hate, but you need to have a serious talk with your wife and ensure you would be happy on less money. She will want you to be happy. In the meantime, it would be good to see a doctor about your mental health, just to see about ways of getting you on a more even keel so you feel confident and positive about whatever decision you make.

Will tax credits top up your income?

Hello, yes the tax credits are a nice top up. It's not a perfect situation money-wise regardless, and if I was lucky enough to get it then any extra mileage use for work is paid for anyway. Plus as the hours vary a little they'll be the odd day when I'll be able to take DD to school. Considering the fact it's closer to home then even better. Thanks again everyone for your excellent ideas, thoughts and support.

As long as you can cover the bills with a bit over then concentrate on the job that will make you feel better. Just because the salary is lower now doesn't mean that it will always be that way. Also, the 'older people industry' is a growth one!

A job that makes you feel physically ill really will make you ill in the long term.

Very best of luck. Let us know how you get on.

After all your kind comments and help with this I got a phonecall from the Agency today to say that I didn't make the first interview stage. They apparently received many applications but although I was on the initial "rounding down", I didn't make the final 3 that they're going to interview. I am absolutely gutted. The Lady at the Agency said she was gobsmacked and had checked the application again incase that we'd missed something out. Feedback she found to be vague but she thinks the only thing it might be is that I don't come from a housing background. She said "I am really shocked. If you look at your CV and application you would be able to do the job standing on your head". Very frustrating to say the least. Thanks again all of you though for your help and support. It is much appreciated.

Sorry you missed this one - it's hard not let your imagination run wild when you see your dream job.

Don't give up! We are still only a week into 2014 and something will come up.

Now you know that you were so close perhaps widen your search for similar roles. What can you do to improve your non housing background? Volunteering? An unpaid work experience session?

That's a shame but great that you got good feedback from the agency. Perhaps the people they selected had exactly the experience they wanted. You really could have just been pipped at the post. I certainly wouldn't take it personally.

It's great when you get excited about something so just keep looking. An even better job will come up soon. www.indeed.co.uk is a good website and pulls info off lots of different job websites.