Other mums returning to work full time- want to support each other?

[Tweet2tweet]

I just wondered if there are any other mums returning to work full time in the next few months who want to start a support thread? I am and I'm feeling really anxious. I'm also fed up at the shocked looks I get when I say I'm going back full time. It's not a choice but a necessity.

So anyone want to join and we can talk about how we are feeling and give some virtual hugs when needed?

[SeriousWispaHabit]

Just joining in to offer support.

I work FT, and DDs are 5 and 3. I have been FT as a GP partner since DD2 was 18 months and before then I was doing 3-4 days (8-6.30 ish) a week.

I would love to spend more time with them, but wouldn't want to be less than full time. I make it work by being very organised (in theory!) and by spending virtually all of my time not at work doing stuff with them.

When I went back and they were babies, I carried on breastfeeding no problem, they just 'reverse cycled' and fed all night (I quickly learned to feed lying down and asleep!!). DH is very supportive of my career and we each pull our weight with domestic stuff. We are lucky enough to be able to afford a cleaner and we have a nanny for half the week, who does a lot of stuff like washing and ironing, the online shopping order and general tidying of the house. If she ever leaves, we're in BIG trouble!!

[IceNoSlice]

Hi folks, please don't let your thread be derailed.

ABC if you want to maximise your flexible working request, my advice would be to present a business case for it. Say how you will make it work, advantages to the business (could you offer flexibility?) and be prepared for how you will address any concerns they might raise about customers, colleagues etc. And when you are discussing it, switch the emphasis from you/your baby to the business/role. Go in with some bullet points. Hope that makes sense.

[AHardDaysWrite]

I'm really angry that this thread was derailed. This is a support thread for FT working mums. The clue is in the thread title. Please respect that when posting.

Elfonashelf, with respect, you are not in a comparable situation as you have the luxury of choice. You have chosen to be a SAHM. Those of us posting here have no choice about working FT (and it's not practical or realistic to say "have a smaller house then" - I for one would not be able to work PT even if we downsized as DH is a student). You can't choose a lifestyle and then moan about the comments you get.

[RedPencilPot]

I really like the idea of this thread and hope it can continue as support for each other.

I had to return FT to my teaching job in September- I debated over dropping to a 4 day week for ages but as I'm the main earner and 4 days in teaching is quite intense- I decided to return FT.

I do feel incredibly envious of people who can afford to work PT- everyone I know has retunerd PT after their babies, so it's nice to find people who are in the same position.

I'm not choosing to work FT, for me, it's a financial necessity.

[scottishmummy]

I really wanted to return ft was always they plan.booked nursery place 12wl pg.mft nursery from 6mth old
I think attitudinally you need to be Guilt free,and able to compartmentalise
At work,get I. Professional mode,dont sit moping or wistfully obviously missing baby. Your paid to get on with it,paid in absence if being with your baby

Practical stuff
Take a favourite blanket,toy to nursery.familiar object
Give nursery written bully points what works for your baby,little nuances and tricks

Lay out your week clothes,outfit,accessories
Layout baby clothes for week
Bills all on direct debit
Phone banking
Cook in bulk and freeze, portion it up.take out portion in morning put in fridge to defrost
I made own baby food,again bulk cook and freeze

I'd stopped bf at 6mth when attended nursery.so wasn't an ussue

Negotiate what work can become at home - and make sure it gets done.on time and be reliable

Accept you'll miss some stuff due to work commitments - your child won't suffer attachment disorder if you're not present every party,nursery play

[kiwikaterpillar]

Good luck for Monday AHardDaysWrite. Let us know how you get on.
I have decided to spend the next week getting everything ready (sorting out my first weeks clothes- slight issue being that none of my blouses/dresses fit over my 30G bf boobs , freezing some meals, updating our wills which has been on my to do list forever etc) so that I can just relax and hopefully enjoy the last 3 weeks at home with DD. Think we will do some nice, simple things together like feed the ducks, go swimming (which she loves) and go to the beach. I'm guessing that she may end up bf all night upon my return but as we co sleep after the first waking it shouldn't be a huge issue. Hopefully she will be taking a bit more interest in solids then also, she will be 9 months old when I return in February.
I have to go to Aussie for a week with work at some point (I live in NZ so not a massive long haul flight!) but thinking I may ask to pay to take DH and DD with me as they can have fun seeing the sights/friends in Sydney and I can still bf morning/night. Do you think that would be reasonable to ask/do?

[noblegiraffe]

I'm returning to work on Monday :( My contract is only 3 days a week but I'm a teacher and the timetable means I have to teach 5 days a week, and I normally work about 40 hours so it doesn't feel that part time.

I am worrying about the logistics of everything, I'm going to have one in school and one at a childminder so I think I am going to mainly spend my work-free time shuttling children from one place to another. This won't leave me much time to actually do anything with them and I worry that DC2 won't get any attention because DC1 will need help with homework and reading and then it will be dinner and bedtime.

I think I'm going to need a cleaner. A cook would be nice too! The first few weeks will be hell until we settle into a routine I think.

[diege]

I'm another one returning full-time in March when baby will be 6mths. Doing 2 days a week from mid-jan (and adding on hols owed) but have wangled working from home for those 2 days which I'm pleased with .
This is baby number 6 and have returned to work with each. My job like many others doesn't do part-time well, though I do have the luxury of being able to work from home 1, sometimes 2 days a week.
Not wanting to flame the totally bizarre comments from Bonsoir further, but I've published in the area of women and work and I can confirm that yes, the 'housewife' concept is indeed a modern (ish) creation (post-war) - in the eyes of many (eg. Ruth Lister) it was constructed in part to legitimise the move back into the private sphere for women post-war, and the closure of free state nursery provision.

[Theonlyoneiknow]

I'm here too. Have been full time after both lots of maternity leave and the guilt never goes away. I have two DC in full time nursery.

We do cope but it's hard. I find menu planning a necessity, meals need to take 20 mins tops to be on the table otherwise DD gets to bed too late which is no fun for anyone.

I am often met with a face when I say I work full time but they don't understand it's not through choice!

[drawohamme]

I'm in too, back full time at Easter and there will be travel too. Started DS in crèche part time so we can both get used to it - keep thinking it takes a village and a happy mum is a happy baby.

[borntoread]

After 4 yrs of being a Sahm I am about to go back to work full-time while dp becomes a sahd to our 3 dc - 4, 2, 5 months. I am dreading it and feel so sad that I won't have the same chance to be at home with my baby as I was with the other two. I am delighted they will be minded by their dad but so sorry it's not me. I was planning to keep breastfeeding evening and morning but my milk disappeared as soon as I dropped a couple of day feeds, the same happened with my other two so I should have known but am extra sad about that.

[scottishmummy]

Can you all see the +ve of working for your family and yourself
Financial
Contribute to family wages
Stability
Mum as Role model working won an in career
Stimulation
Pension
Maintain and enhance career

I've never heard man express guilt about working,they get plaudits for supporting a family and working.

[VJsmom]

I'm going back to work PT (3 day week) and dreading being away from my DS for this amount of time. I'm also thinking "shit, how the hell am I going to get him ready, drop him at nursery and get to work (which is 15 mi,es away) for 9!!!

Would love to be a SAHM but really can't afford it. Sob

[noblegiraffe]

I don't want to be a sahm, but that doesn't mean I'm looking forward to going back to work!

[cheminotte]

Good luck to all of you! I went back full time when ds1 was 6 months old. Then part time after ds2. Now full time again.
Plan a long weekend a few weeks after you start to give yourself something to look forward to and if you can use accrued leave to delay the return to full time eg by using a day or two per week thats good too.

[scottishmummy]

Get groceries delivered,less hassle than traipse round supermarket with baby
Book regular hair appts
Project any know nursery appts into work diary soon as become known

[Zamboni]

Can I join in? Been back FT since May. DC 2.11 and 14 months. Always worked FT. I'm lucky to enjoy working but people often looked shocked or sympathetic when I say I work FT. IRL I don't know any other FT workers who have such small children.

[Theonlyoneiknow]

Am deffo doing the online shop
Good idea about hair appts as by the time I realise I need one I can never get one.

I have bought a chalkboard for the kitchen to help with keeping all my reminders very visible!

[scottishmummy]

We work out daily who collects if we get the call,depending on who's got what on
If you know that in advance it's less hassle,you feel less reactive

[scottishmummy]

You need to quickly get it detail of any ill call from nursery.eg can they give calpol monitor temp and call you back
Get a schedule from nursery what med they will administer
You need to provide meds and sign a consent sheet.buy a stock med to give to nursery

[Jsa1980]

Going back in May, part time three days a week. It seems to be the norm in my social/family circle and as Kong said we just get on with it. I'm actually starting to look forward to it and going to try and make the most of the time I've got left. If I had to go back full time I would but the expense of child care doesn't make it worth it.

[Ilanthe]

I'm going back on Monday too, been off for a year. DS2 is 9mo, DS1 is 4. I work full time but squash it into 4 days, including some work from home in the evenings and weekends. I'd rather just do it normally over 5 days tbh, but this is the compromise DH and I reached.

It's going to be hard work but worth it. I enjoy my job and I'm not giving it up. I've been promoted twice since DS1 was born. I go back on Monday to even more responsibility, though no extra salary.

[EagleRay]

Some good tips here re dealing with the practicalities of running a household and working. I've started restocking the freezer with home cooked meals, all weighed and bagged into single portions as I will be eating alone most nights after work!

The clothes thing is scaring me (have similar boob problem to you kiwi) but have a couple of nice new items of clothes which accommodate the sack of potatoes larger figure I have become...

My diet/healthy eating normally goes to hell when I've got a lot on my plate but this can't happen this time! I'm going to be in a very rural location and have no idea what, if any, catering there is on site so plan to stock the fridge with tons of salad ingredients that can be packed up easily each evening.

Still BF but need to be finished with it by end of Jan for medical reasons - can see interesting times ahead with this one. However, DD will be a year old by then and am doing my best to cut down feeds.

Swanlike and Diege - were you both on the 40+ mums to be thread at some point? I realised the other day that because I'm now 42, I've been in the world of full time work for 25 years, which possibly explains why I feel quite happy dipping in and out of work on short term contracts and pottering around at home the rest of the time.

Scottishmummy the illness thing really scares me as DD has been constantly ill since she started at nursery, and we haven't even done any of the biggies such as chickenpox and HFMD yet! My backup plan is flimsy due to lack of support network, and I don't have the usual employee rights. However, DP has bought extra annual leave this year, plus I have the name of a local emergency childcare co, which will hopefully cover the days where DD cannot be in nursery, but would be ok without me being at home.

[scottishmummy]

Kids will initially get ill at nursery.you'll get chickenpox,conjunctivitis etc.new peeps,new germs
If you can you make plans,you think how,and who'll respond when baby ill
Be as open with your work as you can,if you have limited back up tell them.be as transparent as you can

[Theonlyoneiknow]

Conjunctivitis is a pain, normally not unwell with it (in my expérience) but the nursery has an exclusion policy unless they have had eyedrops for 24hrs. It winds the GP practice up as they say no point in eyedrops but yet kids cant return to nursery without them !