Time at work vs time with child

[kaishiabee]

Hi, I'm a single young mum who us looking for advice outside of my immediate network. I have recently started a full time job with a start-up social enterprise. I love my workplace as it is very cool however I feel as though they are not sympathetic to the fact that I only spend 8hrs a week (which is heartbreaking for me) with my son as he goes to his dads on the weekends. And there is a office resentment because I start 30mins later because I want to spend that extra 30mins getting ready with my son because I hardly see him when I'm at home. I've been told that I will be getting a warning because I'm late and I should leave a hour earlier, but then where does that leave my son, who will take him to school and make sure he has a healthy breakfast. Maybe I'm just venting but I feel as though I'm penalised for being a single mother. Some much needed advice is wanted please.

What hours did you agree? If you agreed 9-5 I'm harsh but tough tit. If you agreed 930-5 then your boss should tell them to wind their necks in. It's not their place to whine.

Did you get the job thinking you could do it but now realise you can't? If so, then you need to look for something else. All people have home stories. And I'm afraid yours is very common. It's not enough on its own for sympathy. Although I empathise greatly.

Sorry op. Think dependant on above it's new job time.

I'd be looking at rejigging contact with your son and alternating weekends with his father, offering him contact during the week. It's not your employer's problem, I'm afraid.

Are you contracted to start 30 minutes later or have you decided yourself to do that?
If you have decided this yourself without agreeing with your employer of course they are annoyed.

If you agree to a start time, you can't turn around as soon as you get the job and say "what will I do about my son"

It's not their problem. It's yours.

So you have 2 options. Speak to your employer about changing your hours, or see if you can come in 30 minutes late and take a half hour lunch instead of an hour.
Tbh, if you have been coming in late since you started, I don't know how sympathetic they will be to your request but it doesn't hurt to ask. One of my employees starts at 9.20 because she takes her dd to school, she spoke to me about it at the interview so it was not an issue.

Or you can do what most working parents with young children do and use a breakfast club or a childminder

"I feel as though they are not sympathetic to the fact that I only spend 8hrs a week (which is heartbreaking for me) with my son as he goes to his dads on the weekends"

If you've been talking to your new colleagues in this much detail about your personal arrangements I imagine they find it difficult to know how to react. If anything they may not want to express anything negative about your working arrangements as that may be perceived as criticism. How exactly have people not been "sympathetic"?

"And there is a office resentment because I start 30mins later because I want to spend that extra 30mins getting ready with my son because I hardly see him when I'm at home. I've been told that I will be getting a warning because I'm late"

This is two things. Firstly, assuming you've negotiated the later start with your manager, it does sometimes happen that people are resentful of these individual arrangements, particularly if they are using morning childcare or whatever. There's not a lot you can do about it, and I wouldn't react by trying to elicit sympathy, I'd react by just doing a great job and giving it time.

Secondly, if you've been told you will be getting a warning because you are late, that either means you've taken it upon yourself to start later because of your personal preferences, or you are coming in even later than the 30 minutes you've negotiated. Both of those are not on at all, and your reasons are not your employer's problem. Thousands of people with children work full time and are able to get to work on time.

The problem here isn't your employer, it's your contact arrangements. If you and your ex are both working full time, surely it would be fairer to have alternate weekends. That's what most people do isn't it?

I'd focus your efforts on sorting that out, and on making sure you are in ready for work at whatever time your manager is expecting you.

When I started my new job, I asked to work the hours that would have suited me best. They were refused. The message I got back from management was that "they were sympathetic to individual's circumstances but ultimately what I had proposed did not fit in with the job I needed to do". Their sympathy was shown in different ways - letting me take time out to watch school events, for example.

I think you are feeling your employers unsympathetic because they are not giving you exactly what you want. Unfortunately what your employer wants is what's best for the business. There may be some give and take in there - but you need to ask, and negotiate a compromise properly, not just assume that you can work whatever hours you want.