Time vs money

[Ginga66]

Ok so I have two dcs aged eighteen months and four and a half. They are poor sleepers. The youngest sleeps with me, still bf and wakes often. The older one quite sensitive and struggling still adjusting to school.
Dh not qualified works 18 hrs manly weekends and evenings and does childcare other days.
I work 23 hrs.
We were ok but then my job are cutting my salary in two years. I work as a counsellor. There are very few jobs about in my field. I applied for another one and got it but they want me to be full time. They have agreed to 30 hrs for now but pressure to go up. They also won't do summer hols where as where I am I get to take longish break.
My trouble is if I take the second job I would be working two very long days evening one day and three shorter ones. I would miss a lot of family life but gain a lot of money so we could move out of crummy area etc.
But if eel quiteill at the thought of doing it whilst so sleep deprived.
I also feel I'll at the thought of being stripped of wages after 9 years but that's the nhs for you.
I am over qualified for my job and feel like at nearly forty my career has just ground to. Halt because in reality employers aren't interest in being flexible to childcare needs. I didn't want to have children to put them in nursery. I don't want to be the bread winner but my husband earns a third of what I do.
I am fairly miserable at my place of work as it is a nest of vipers but enjoy the actual work.
Time with m kids is totally precious to me.
I just can't make this decision. Help please!

When you are working the long days, your dh is at home with the kids, so they have a parent at home and don't need to go to Nursery. When your DH is working at weekends, you are presumably at home, so really it is family time altogether that you will be missing out on which is hard as you can both end up feeling like single parents. If you take the ft job could you afford for your dh to just work one day at the weekend so that you get one day together? Also I know it is hard ( I have been in exactly the same situation), but could you try to get your 18 month old off the nighttime breastfeeding and into a better sleeping regime? It may take a bit of time but well worth it if it is exhausting you . To be honest for financial security I would take the ft job on offer.

It really doesn't sound as if your heart is in it, yet that is a full on job that would require your 100% commitment.

My advice would be to hang on where you are now, wait for things to get better around sleeping/school and keep looking.

Or, could you try to practice counselling independently to supplement your job? Travel to a wealthier area and rent a space one evening a week.

Feel for your OP, a real mixture of issues.

I think one of the things that jumps out at me is the changing landscape of your profession - your job is going, does that mean in 2 years there will be lots of similar colleagues all job hunting at the same time?

Purely on paper your new job sounds like it ticks a number of boxes: securer (well as secure as any job), much better money, continuing your career and offering you a role now before there are more looking for a job.

You also mention shorter days, how short? Would you be gaining some DC time on those days?

The issue of who is the breadwinner - can anything be done about that? Or do you "just" have to accept it? It must be hard being the breadwinner if you don't want to be, but with your DH's lack of earning potential (from what I take from your post & at this point) it sounds like you might just have to try to embrace it.

If he continues his "out of hours" job then your children are still being looked after by a parent, just not you. If that is important to you as parents then you should try to congratulate yourselves on creating a set up where you do this, many would like to be able to but cannot etc (don't mean "don't moan" but just pointing out what you do have).

Although I do echo baby s point, perhaps it would be better to increase your family time with him reducing his hours, even if it is just to enable you both to catch up on sleep at the weekends.

I have to say personally my DS thrived at nursery, so it could be worth considering trying it if your DH wanted to try to work in the week/retrain etc.

It is also worth thinking about the next 5 - 10 years? Some would argue that it is better to be around for teens more than little kids esp as there are limited childcare options for teens.

Could you see this new role as a way to save up/move area with the longer term plan of reducing hours/going private (assuming there is a private market for your type of counselling)? Maybe DH could retain during this period so he could hopefully kick start a career when you are then reducing your hours etc?

Finally, have you tried everything with regards to the sleep? You sound like you are resigned to it. It is very easy for me, a stranger on the internet to say this, but if you haven't I would chuck everything at trying to get them to sleep. IME everything seems overwhelming and infeasible when tired and years of it is just so draining.

Good luck.

Have you thought about setting up your own practice?

Thanks ao much for the feedback.myou all make really good points. Yes dh could drop his job but I am frightened of being the bread winner. Because we all know that the truth is women can't have it all. I would still be madly trying to get uniforms together and tidy up etc because I want to be a mom not just the worker.
I am a bit scared of the stress level with the lack of sleep. I have tried everything yes but will try again this christmas break!
I know on paper it sounds perfect. My future where I am is so uncertain. I could do private but there is the pension and holidays and sick leave umbrella of the nhs I am not wanting to lose.
And we are very lucky with our hours to be able to have some family time. I think yes this is what I worry about,being ships in the night.
My dad was the bread winner and my mum did everything domestic. It wont be like that even with me full time and to be honest I would not want it to be because I need my role as a mother.
I think despite all the brilliant reasons for doing it, like branching out says,my heart isn't in it, it is with my kids at the school gate and baby group.i do lovely work but where it used tobemy life I now know it is part of. And I think just until they are both at school I feeli overwhelming need to be there.
Good point mrs about the teen years .maybe I need to think about that too.

If DC time is the most important thing then stay where you are. 2 years is a long time, things could change etc?

Although I did wonder if you could ask new job if they would consider a job share, or does your role not lend itself to that?

Good luck and with the sleep problem solving too.

I would stay where you are and keep looking.

Like the others say, look into other options perhaps doing some of your own work and maybe look at doing something slightly different. Can your DH not find something that pays a bit better?

There is always a solution out there. i'm not sure that the new job is it.

What are the chances that you take this job offer and then wait it out for 6 months then request for flexible work?

I think that given your dh's lack of options it'll be difficult not being the breadwinner. I am the breadwinner since my dh was made redundant. He's set up on his own now but I shudder to think that what would have happened if I wasnt working when that happened.

I would take the new job.

You are doing really well and the husband and children are lucky to have you to provide for them. Take it from me once they are teenagers they will be more than happy you can buy them the latest trainers rather than the fact you wiped 4 bottoms a day rather than 1. Your 18 month old will sleep more before you know it and you will enjoy the more full time work. Before you know it they will be at full time school anyway or having teenage tantrums in the summer holidays and you'll be glad your husband is the one dealing with it whilst he also cleans the house.