Why can't I hold down a job?

[Floppityflop]

I have wandered into an awful situation at work. I've just been put into a new team and it's obvious there is actually no job for me there. Basically I am just being asked to make tea all day and do photocopying, which is not something that I trained for! I didn't ask to go there, but it's obvious they don't want me anyway, even though I do this crap with a smile on my face - I know I'm still quite junior. I am not sure whether it's because of something I've done - if it is, no one has told me - or an existing office politics siruation. The trouble is I am not good at this stuff at the best of times and I have not been too well since I joined. This is also - for three years - a relatively new career for me but I had another career for nearly ten years before that. In that job things went quite badly wrong for me after I got married and had a miscarriage, and I left anyway to pursue this new career. Now I am beginning to wonder whether I am one of those people who can pass exams brilliantly but just can't deal with normal life / get on with people / have a family / hold down a job. I'm 35 with no children and feel like it's too late to start yet again. I just don't know what to do any more. I am drinking to excess, hurting my partner and generally feeling pretty miserable right now. I need a plan to get out of this mess. I am a hard worker but I wonder whether people can sense this weakness I have and taking advantage of me or whether I just haven't found the right job yet. But what can I do after three career changes in 15 years?

I didn't want to just read and run.

First - 35 is definitely not too old for any of these things - career or family.

You sound overwhelmed by things at the moment, and the excessive drinking is going to make things worse, so I would focus on that first. If you're drinking too much it will affect your judgement about people, work, everything, and is clearly affecting your relationship too. Could you see your GP to talk about how to tackle it, and also any underlying health problems as you mention not having been well since starting this job.

It may be that this job is wrong for you, but I don't think you can make a clear judgement about what direction to go in until you've tackled the drink issue tbh

And talk to your partner, get them on side so you're working as a team on this

This seems a lot more complicated than just a job question, but starting with that.

• you can hold down a job. You are holding one down now. And you have been doing for the last 3 years. Before that you held down a job/jobs for 10 years. So you can hold down a job. Give yourself a pat on the back

• this current job is clearly not what you expected or what you wanted to do. There are various ways to deal with it: making yourself utterly indispensable, talking to your team to see if there is stuff that they actually want you to do, talking to your boss, looking for a different post in the same organisation... A good place to start might be for you to think about and write down what you'd like to happen, and then consider which of the possible things to do would be the best place to start, and go from there.

I don't think it's really the job thing that's making you so unhappy, though. It sounds as though between health, miscarriage, uncertainty and probably sadness overall about things not being as you hoped, you need more general help. There are other boards here which are better suited to that (and people better qualified than I am to give it!), but have you considered finding someone to talk all this through with? You might come to the conclusion that a different career is the answer but I think there are quite a lot of questions to be worked through before you make any decisions.

See your GP. Is the drinking maybe an attempt to self medicate anxiety or depression?

Drinking will certainly make things worse. Your GP can advise re counselling or medication.

Have you explained to your line manager that you are eager to make more of a contribution? If not, try reading up on assertiveness at work.

Also consider applying for other jobs, internally and externally.

What kind of feedback do you get from your annual reviews?

Thank you all for your helpful advice. You are right about drinking, it just makes things worse and all of the additives won't be helping the underlying health issue. I have had good and sometimes excellent feedback in my annual reviews up until now, but I only just started in this post so no annual review as yet. My line manager is difficult to talk to and I don't feel I can do it, especially because the line manager is part of the problem. I have asked my line manager to tell me if I am doing things wrong and also tried to see whether there are certain things I should be doing but am not. But I haven't had anything back, just snide remarks. I wonder whether I am trying too hard and coming across as a bit high maintenance. I also appreciate most jobs come with their fair share of menial tasks but for me making hot drinks and running errands is a stretch too far as a professional woman.

Is there a job description for your new job?
Are you replacing someone? If so, perhaps other colleagues on the team could give you a bit of guidance.
Is there an HR department you could speak to?

How long have you been with the new team?

Definitely read up on assertiveness, it will give you ways of managing upwards. Show interest in projects you would like to be jnvolved in and offer to help.

But also see your GP