Opposite sex friendships - at work !

[Devonmisfit]

I've just started a new position and been lucky enough to make 2 good friends at work - both happen to be men (1 x single, 1 x married) and I'm a woman (with a fantastic boyfriend)

The rumour mill has started turning and another colleague has just told me that people are talking about how there must be something going on - - for the record there certainly is not!

Has anyone else ever had a problem with opposite sex friendships at work? Have you found that it has effected how people view you? Do you think it makes a difference as to the relationship status of the people involved?

Personally, I couldn't care less if small minded people talk but I'm also aware that these people are likely to let their personal judgements effect how they view me professionally, and in a new position maybe that's something I should be mindful of.

I'd love to hear about other peoples' experiences with op sex friendships at work and what you did about it. Seems a shame to throw away 2 friendships for such a petty reason :(

If you are new then the friendships are new and haven't evolved over time. How new are the men? And how new are the people in the office anyway? And age range? Similar to you? Do you work closely with them?
Its a dynamic you have to be careful of.

If you all exclude others, giggle and chat, go out after work, and generally flirt then people will think that. People in offices can spot an affair or the makings of one a mile away, and work isn't always filling your time.

If you are still on probation, you should probably concentrate on being friendly with everyone, and very hardworking. Try to make friends among the women too, they will tell you as well if you have been taken in by the office Romeo:)

People will assume something is going on. Work isn't usually very exciting and there will always be people who will seize on any potential gossip or drama.

People will form a view about you accordingly and in a situation where you haven't established yourself as being fantastic at your job, be extremely careful of this.

There are men who seek out new female employees to target for romantic/sexual involvement at work. As you have made good friends with these men so quickly, be aware that that might be the case here.

To follow up on my last point, I would be concerned at the fact you say you've "just" started this job but already consider these men to be "good" friends. That seems extremely quick to me, and if you are behaving within a very short time as though you are "good friends", no wonder the rumours are starting.

Sounds like you're writing an article to me

Lol I'm not writing an article, my job is really not that exciting :) As flowery said, I think it's the mundane nature of the job that encourages people to see things that aren't there.

I say 'just' started, I've been there 8 months, so my probation is finished, but I do appreciate your point that maybe this is still soon to call someone a good friend, we just seem to have a lot in common. Both the guys have been there years, and there are others in the office I'm friends with and see socially, it's not just the blokes ! And I make it a habit not to flirt with colleagues (what with being in a relationship!) so I don't think that I'm giving people the wrong impression that way.

I had this situation at work. I work with 6 20 - 35 year old males. There are a few 20 - 35 year old females and we all get along very well to the point of weekends away and nights out across country. Along came a new member of the team and she raised a few eyebrows about a few of us having such a friendship. I was labelled a slut for allowing some of the men to stay at mine who lived 20 + miles from our workplace. I have a spare room and so allowing a colleague to stay over meant they could socialise with us and not have to pay the costs of a taxi home. As it was not the same male staying over or sometimes 2 of them, she warned me that I was beginning to get a name for myself. I just left her to it, I know nothing went on, the blokes knew nothing went on, she just wanted something to gossip about maybe because her own life was a bit boring?! I turned it into a joke such a when I had a quiet wknd and someone asked why I didn't do much, I answered 'the red light outside my door went last week and i've not had chance to replace it yet'! Comments like that soon shut her up!

I had a very close male friend at work. It caused some gossip. I ignored it. They got bored. That's it really!