Please help me, wise ladies of Mumsnet.
I have been tying myself up in knots trying to decide whether to stay in my current job or look for another one and am in desperate need of objective advice. I work as a Healthcare Assistant for the NHS one day a week, 7.15am – 7.45pm. These are the pros and cons of the job:
Pros:
-The patients. They are generally lovely and it’s good to feel that I’m helping them. Moreover, I am, for want of a better way of putting it, good at helping them – in my last appraisal I was told I have a ‘lovely way with the patients’.
-The fact I only work one day a week.
-The money. Because I (usually) work at the weekends I get antisocial hours pay in addition to my basic rate (time and a third on Saturdays, time and two thirds on Sundays).
-The fact that I’ve worked there a long time and feel comfortable there.
Cons:
-The long hours, which I’ve never gotten used to. Every week I get very tired, overtired. By the last couple of hours of the shift I’m so worn out I struggle to look people in the eye (by the way, I’m currently in the process of being assessed to see if I have Asperger’s syndrome) and often spend a lot of the next day in bed recovering.
-Disciplinary action. I’ve been subject to disciplinary action and am currently on my first written warning. This was because one weekend I thought I was supposed to be working on the Sunday, but I was actually down to work the Saturday and when I didn’t turn up the ward couldn’t get hold of me because I’d just moved house and my phone was disconnected i.e. as far as they were concerned I’d gone AWOL. Yes, historically I’ve had some difficulties with personal organisation (but see comment above re: possible Asperger’s syndrome). This warning has weighed heavily on me and made me wonder whether I should try to get a fresh start somewhere else.
-Lack of support. After having a problem with my union, when I had my disciplinary hearing I approached a few of my colleagues to see if they would attend the hearing with me for moral support. They all looked mildly horrified at the suggestion so in the end I just dealt with it by myself. Earlier this year I had a long period of time off sick; just one of my colleagues texted (once) to see how I was. When I went back to work I realised they thought I’d been off because I’d had a miscarriage - I hadn’t but if I had it might’ve been nice if somebody had called or come to visit me! Especially considering I’ve worked there for several years.
I have always felt very ambivalent about the job, to the extent that I’ve applied and been interviewed for other jobs, and even done another job alongside it for a while. I just can’t make up my mind whether the right thing to do is to stick at it and make it work or to leave (I’m aware it’s not just about my personal needs and wishes but also what’s good for the NHS and patients).
P.S. You might think that it would be good for me to stay until the warning is taken off my personnel record (it’ll be on there for a year). However I’m considering looking for work as a teaching assistant, something I’ve done in the past. The local authority where I live has a standard application form for school support staff on which it asks ‘For reasons other than health, have you been the subject of a formal disciplinary sanction in your current employment?’ So in some ways I will never be free of it, well, at least as long as I work there – I suppose I could look for another job, build up a good record at that and then think about going back into education. I feel like such a freak. (Can I add at this point that I’m a graduate and this is not how I thought my career/working life would turn out?).
Thank you for reading.