am considering upping my work days and thus ds's days at nursery but feel guilty...

[geekgrrl]

I'm really torn. I work from home as a freelance translator. Work is finally coming in thick and fast and I usually have enough to fill the 3 short days ds (2.5) is at nursery (he goes 9-3) and then I usually end up working at least 2 evenings a week as well, and still have to turn work down sometimes.
Ds is a really difficult toddler. He's gorgeous when he wants to be but most of the time he is just such a difficult, difficult child and TBH I find the days that he's at home really hard.
I'm considering sending him in an extra short day so that he'd go there for 4 days in total.

I don't know what to do. I feel very guilty but I really enjoy my work, and don't enjoy spending too much time with ds at the moment. I find it much easier when he's at home when the dds are home from school - they all play together. And I'd still have him on a Monday.

He's happy and relaxed and well-behaved at nursery.

What do you think?

Sorry if I don't reply straight away - my broadband connection has gone belly-up and BT can't fix it until next week, so I'm on dial-up at the moment and only log in occasionally.

mmm I am currently working out what to do with the fact that work wants me to do 4 days a week instead of 3 and tbh I am struggling to get my job done in 3 days now we are busier.

On balance I am considering giving up work for a while. The reason I say this is that I spent 2 weeks with ds on holiday recently - just me and him and it was really hard work but I felt at the end of the time I was closer to him. Now I am working 4 days some weeks I find coping with him harder and we are definitley more distant.

However since your ds is only in nursey short days (my ds does childminder 8am-6pm) I would give 4 days a try. None of this is irreversible and you would still see quite a lot of him so I'd say go for it.

Was talking to my 4 post-natal- friends the other day.
We all have children 2.5
They all said that they haven't been enjoying the last few months of their children.
And we couldn't work out why.
I was surprised that they all said the same.

Sometimes ds is good as gold.
Other times he is a total nightmare.

Don't feel guilty.

how fantastic that your work is going so well - imo, I would put him in the extra day just so that you don't have to turn work down (and also because you are working in the evening)

however, don't rationalise it as you putting him in the extra day because you don't want to spend time with him (otherwise you will feel bad!)

are there perhaps activites you could do with him when he is at home (before school is out) like going to a soft play/swimming etc.? I think that age is easier to handle if you have things to do with them iyswim

aaah, thank you for those voices of reason!

foxy, you're right - I shouldn't put him in because he gets on my nerves but because of work - how true.

I do find that taking him to soft play etc is the best thing to do - I usually do this on a Monday, but on Thursdays (the other day he's home at the mo.) I inevitably end up trying to do some work whilst he's here. Today it all went so pear-shaped at home that I ended up at soft play anyway.

I think it'd be better all-round if he went the extra day. I just feel guilty that I'm not at home doing baking or playdo with him (not sure I've ever done either of those with him - he's such a terror). I'm hopeful that he'll turn into a delightful boy over the next year though.

I sent ds2 to nursery half the week at one point, between the age of 2 and 3, because he was a terror too!I couldn't cope with any time in the house with him at all, he was such a whirlwind and so attention seeking. He was all right at nursery - loved the structure and variety of things to do. I didn't feel that bad about it, I must admit,it felt like a survival thing! Looking back, I actually think it was very good for him, and he has gone on to school with no problems at all and is doing really well.I think if I had been working he could have easily gone full-time with no problems. Some children are really high maintenance, and sometimes you need a break, and not just for the odd hour, either, to enable you to be a good parent the rest of the time. And you're working, which I wasn't, so I would say, just go for it, and then you'll have the energy to deal with him better the time you're with him.

I would definitely put a 2 or 3 year old in more nursery if I was finding it hard work with them at home. my dd2 was really difficult to entertain at this age at home, sometimes we sent her to nursery for a 4th day (she usually went for 3 days) and she was perfectly happy with it. if I was doing it again with her I'd put her in 4 days all the time, as it really wasn't much fun for any of us at home on those days. But she was lovely at nursery.

so yes i would. and if dd3, now 2.2, gets like that, she'll be in full time too.

Do the 4 days, use the remaining time you have with him each week doing those constructive play things you already do, and save all the guilt for when it's deserved (those times when we raise our voices higher than we intended for example...).

Chill he'll be fine.

see it as giving him more opportunities to mingle with kids his age. however hilarious we think we are, I still think 3 yrs old are more fun for all concerned.The adults are quite cool too! My son's nursery do all the things I would do if I was an energetic 20year old who hadn't being up all night peeing (cos pg) and soothing toodler tummy aches!

Ds and I do 3 days "at work". I'm supposed to do house worky things one day and spent "quality" time the other. We did four days for a while(to bridge a gap at my work) I just dropped the house work.
I found only having that one day we did enjoy ourselves more and because he was tired from nursery he slept better which made for happy family!

Do the four days. If it dosn't work, change back.

I had this dilemma a while back, and rationalised it by thinking that if I make sure I have enough childcare to do my work efficiently, I can then spend the time when DD is not at nursery doing fun things with her. There's nothing less fair to her than me trying to work while she's here, even if that means she's at nursery for more time if you see what I mean.