Am I being selfish? Not wanting to return to work but this means family missing out on money!

[RatherUninspired]

Hi, I am currently on maternity leave. I have really suffered at work over the past few years, feel that I have been bullied and generally treated badly but won't go into it.

Basically if I don't go back our family will be 7k poorer I just don't know if I can face it. My husband says I don't have to but I feel weak for not being able to stomach it. Part of this is due to the fact that if I don't go back we can move sooner away from the area I've wanted to leave for quite some time.

I just feel like I need to prove to others and myself that I can provide for my family but another part of me (the selfish part) can't understand y i am putting myself through returning to somewhere that has made me so miserable.

Has anyone else been in two minds or in similar predicament??
So confused

Not been in your situation, but If you can survive without the extra 7K I would definitely stay at home and enjoy bringing up your kids. You can always look for another job later. Life is too short to spend doing something you hate unless there is no other option.

You are not being weak or selfish btw, you have nothing to prove and I'm sure your kids and DH (who sounds fab) would rather you were happy than the family was a bit (financially) richer.

YANBU OP. Don't go back. Enjoy your baby. Relocate to a better area. Then look for another job there.

I see no good reason for you going back to a job you hate that forces you to live in an area you hate. Your DH supports you, your baby will want a happy mum, stuff everyone else.

If you've wanted to move for a while and hate your job, I'd suggest not going back regardless of whether or not you were currently on maternity leave! move to a new area first and then find a job the suits you & your family.

Is that £7k before or after tax? If that's net, then its £583 per month. Knock your travel costs, work clothes, lunches if you buy them at work, any other work-related costs off that. What about childcare costs, will you be saving those?

When I was debating going back to work after having DS, once I calculate the "true" cost of me being a SAHM, we were only actually about £100 worse off per month, which was much easier to comprehend!

There are lots of different things here. It might help to separate them out. Eg:

• do I want to go back to work at all?
• do I want to go back to work in my old job?
• do we want to move somewhere else?
• can we afford for me not to work in the short / medium / long term?
• what financial provision do I need to make to compensate for not working for a while now (pension, savings etc)
• would any of the above change if I had another baby?

Thanks for all your messages guys. The 7k is after tax. Wish it was less so it didn't feel like such a big decision! I think the other thing that's bugging me is that I have a fairly difficult relationship with my mum who wasn't around much for me emotionally as a kid. I feel like I want to distance myself from her now to make me feel but I ended up asking her to look after ds when I go back to work (it saves money and I guess I thought it was for the best at a time!) I just feel like everything comes at a cost with her though including this - put it this way, she hoped I would not have my baby on certain days as it clashed with her social plans! I just don't want people like that in my life even if they are my mother, harsh but its the truth. Anyway not going back to work would avoid me having to use her for childcare. I feel bad for feeling like this too to the point where it is affecting my relationship with my DH.

My DH has made it clear that if we move its because of me (he doesn't say too much but has made it obvious he would rather stay in the city we r in). I just feel so isolated in my small flat in a busy city when we could move and have an actual lovely house in a really nice area for the same area but I just feel like the decision is all me and feel under pressure because of it.

I have a few months to decide about work so guess I will just have to wait a while to make a decision. I just feel so miserable where we r currently at and like I'm just existing living in limbo when I know there r better places out there. Grrrr frustrated rAnt over!

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