I'm being bullied and can't prove it

[NoProof]

I work in a very small foreign branch office of m company. My boss dislikes me, everyone else loves her. I have several examples of things which she has done and said to me that, individually wouldn't be too bad, but combined have turned me into a wreck. I have complained to HR in the UK but without some kind of proof they don't seem to be bothered. They say things like, well I wasn't in on that call so I can't judge, I wasn't there.

So basically when I complained it looks like my boss denied everything. Indeed, she has already denied saying things to me when I have asked her to explain.

I feel like I am being forced to resign, that she is making me out to be a paranoid liar. I am so stressed it has made me ill (need sleeping pills, am on xanax, reflux issues). I have tried looking elsewhere but no-one is interested. We work in a very niche market and I suspect that she has somehow put word out that I am difficult. (i'm not, but I am a threat to her, in her eyes)

My question: what can I do? Can't leave, HR don't seem bothered, I have no proof...

phone acas for excellent and free advice

Will they help me e ven though I am not in the UK? It is a British company.

Are you still on your British T&C's? In which case ACAS is worth a go.

From another thread i've been reading on here recently, bullying is one of those things where proof isn't required, its how you feel about the situation. Could you not down times and dates and details for the next month or so, and take that back to HR.
So, rather than "Boss is bullying me", a list of "I'm feeling bullied by my boss, and here are the details of how she is making me feel"

Would coming back to UK be possible?

No I'm on local t&c's

I'm on maternity leave, well, was. Now I am using up annual leave before rtw. Unable to sleep, being awful to the kids - irritable. I've become obsessed. The thought of going back sends me cold. I have had several long conevrsations with HR, giving lists of examples of unfair treatment. They don't seem to give a damn.

I don't want to move back to the UK. My life is here. Married a local, the children speak the local language. I have asked to be made redundant, or at least to not have to work out a notice period. They are refusing everything.

When I gave HR a list of issues she said she needed facts not feelings; I said to her that feelings are as important as provable facts in cases such as these.

I know HR work for the company but I feel completely unsupported. Sometimes I wonder if I am being paranoid, but then I look at my list of things which have been said, bits of pettiness, and I can't be imagining it.

Keep a log of all incidents where you feel bullied -conversations, phone calls, put date, time and a summary of what was said. Keep email trails. Note other incidents, e.g. meetings you're deliberately excluded from.

This does two things - it helps clarify why you feel bullied, and it does build evidence.

I don't know which country you're in, but check for local guidelines, too - although you'll be treated under UK rules if you're still on a UK contract, your boss presumably has a local contract. If you're in an EU country or one with a similar culture to the UK, (e.g. NZ), I'd be surprised if things are much different, but there could be some cultural differences? (This could be irrelevant and more something about me, as we've had some cross-border bullying, which brought up the thing about whose rules count.)

I hope it works out.

You have had some good advice, but I would add that as a victim of bullying myself it is a hard road to go down to prove it. What is more likely to happen is that you (the victim) become the problem--not the bully IYSWIM.

Please protect your healthget a doctor to sign you off with stress. Does HR not have a written anti-bullying policy you can get a hold off? Fight it if you want to, but in the end I walked away as management wanted me to take on the task of "building a case". Everyone agreed my bully was a problemthey just did not have the balls tools to do anything about it.

Sorry you are going through this. x

Thank you all for your help. It's so complicated. I need to find a popent to write everything down calmly - I have been taking notes of the more recent stuff, and even at the beginning when it started I jotted things down. I need to set everhing out clearly, show it to HR and maybe to a lawyer for their input (in our country there is no set laws or policy). I have to look after myself. I don't know myself anymore.

Is there absolutely no one else in the company, either over there, or over here, that is seeing what you are seeing, and can back you up?
Where did she work before?

There was someone, quite senior in HQ who got what I was saying, believed me, and would back me up, but she has now left.

She worked in a similar company before with an unblemished record afaik.

This is all coming down to a personal dislike of me. Which is fine - we can't all love all the people we work with - but her treatament of me is petty and unfair.

why not see an em0loyment lawyer for a view?
i successfully came out tge other side of bullying but in hindsight it wasnt worth the trauma.
have a think as to what outcome you want as its hard to go forward without this