Work/Life Balance dilemma....(long)

[purpleprincess]

I need some advice on how to handle potentially difficult situation at work. To explain the background - I have worked for this company for 9 years including two spells of mat leave. Have worked 3 days week since coming back after DS (4 years ago) and also have 20 month old DD. There have been various changes in the office recently, and now someone in my department is leaving and not being replaced and her work shared out etc.
To cut a long story short (if I can) they want me to take on some of the work of the person who is leaving – which I’m not surprised about. But also want to expand my role more as area I work in is such a key market etc and want me to take on some more stuff which is all very flattering etc (and it was made out that way) but would of course involve extra hours – namely going up to 4 days a week.

Well I was somewhat taken aback by this as you can imagine although knew stuff had been brewing for a while – but typically this came completely out of the blue. I’m not exactly sure if this is a promotion – I did ask about a pay rise but that seemed a bit uncertain (DH says I should demand one!) It was all couched (?) in terms of how pleased he was with my work etc and wanted to expand stuff we are doing and you are the person I want to do it all etc However obviously for me there is a lot more to it than that. I've been quite bored at work recently and with DS starting school full time in January I quite fancy cutting my hours a bit instead. I know at work I’m not pushing myself of being pushed but don’t really want that to mean more hours away from home! Also have no idea if it is even possibly logistically (use CM two days a week and my parents one day week).

Of course if I decided I don’t want to do extra that’s not going to go down very well and I will probably find myself frozen out etc etc I've only had last night to think about this but in my heart of hearts I really dont want to do another day even if it is more interesting. It is bad enough being away from my children for 3 long days although I know I am very lucky to be able to work part-time and my company is quite flexible. I do feel a bit like i'm being backed into a corner.

I'm coming up to the big 40 next year so maybe this is a chance to re-evaluate my life etc etc but I do need to work financially and know how difficult it would be to find another part time job and have to prove myself again.

Thanks for reading if you've got this far - any advice or tips on how to handle this would be very welcome!

TIA

Can you not ask for more time to think about it . ?

It's a tricky one for you. If it wasn't that you financially need to work I would have said that you already knew in your heart of hearts what you want, which is to leave this job altogether. Have you researched other fields that you might be interested in? Maybe a different job for 2 days a week and cut out one days childminding fees? Sorry if this sounds naive - am wrestling with work/life balance too but the other way round, need to work for my sanity but don't want to let the kids down.

Is there any way you could offload some of the boring stuff you do now on to someone else in order to take on this more interesting stuff in your current three days a week? I would assume not if the person leaving isn't being replaced, is that for financial reasons?

Your dh is right, if they value your work they should reward you accordingly (not sure 'demand' is the right way to go, though, esp with the p-t issue). Uncertainty about payrise, taking on more work to suit manager, hmmm.

It seems like at the moment most of the advantages of this new arrangement would be on their side, and the disadvantages on yours. I would definitely be thinking about how you could balance the scales a bit more!

God I hate this whole work-life balance thing. We've just decided that I'm going to stop working (am currently doing three days a week) - the strain it will place on the family finances will definitely be outweighed by the improvement in everyone's stress levels and happiness. Not much use to you, I know, but I'd say go with your gut instinct.

Thanks for the advice so far. I've not been given an ultimatum but obviously dont want to leave it all in the balance for too long. Need to ask for more of an idea of what the job would entail and is it a promotion? Trouble is what is behind all of this is the marketing director (my bosses boss and my ex-direct boss). She is a real company woman (her DH is the Sales Director) she has 3 children and nanny paid for by company and works all the hours god sends and goes away a lot. So generally I dont think she is that keen on the idea of part-timers. If i resigned tomorrow they would probably replace me with full timer. My boss did say that i might be able to off-load some of the more boring stuff but I still think they want me to do more hours. Think this also to do with earlier in the year some talk about wanting more cover in the office etc. My friends who are SAHMs are a bit jealous of me going off to work a few days and part of me feels would be difficult to throw that away. I've only been at home all the time during mat leave and realistically the thought of trying to manage without my salary or trying to find another job horrifies me. Anyway I could go on and probably will....

pp, it does not sound like you want to take on the responsibility - which is fair enough, neither would I. You need to think whether a pay rise/promotion (in addition to increased pro rata pay) would be enough to change your mind. If not, don't even bother to go there otherwise if you ask for it, you get boxed into a corner if you DO get it. I would just put my foot down and say no. You have rights under the law ...

would it be posible for you to take on this new area of work and pass on some of your current duties to a colleague? If you need to be at work it would be good if you could find it rewarding in more than just the financial sense. I would sit down with yor boss and explain your needs and see where you go from there. It's nice to be apreciated - but don't fall for their flattery!

Thanks for last two comments - Yes I agree. I enjoy my job in the loose sense of the word but not to the detriment of my family. My boss did say about handing some stuff over but think they still want me to do another day. Interesting what blueshoes says about not asking about promotion/pay thing and then getting boxed into corner. Think you are right if I dont want to do it then I should just say so. Legally I need to get some more advice but think that adding something extra to my job counts as 'change in job' and that if I dont accept it legally could be constructive dismissal or similar. Trouble is the company cant make it's mind up what it wants and it is all just made up as they are going along. Several months ago they were going to appoint a new UK marketing manager (i am uk marketing asst) as my boss is currently also sales manager then changed their minds! They keep not replacing people partly for financial reasons as they are trying to cut back but as far as I am aware company is doing very well..

It is so hard - all these decisions etc as if dont have enough to think about .

Thanks for your words of wisdom - always helps when to get other points of view!

Could you try "can't do more hours but could be more flexible" - decide each Friday, say, which days you're doing next week. Maybe you do that already.

Or try for a formal job-share partner - who will do the 'other' part of the week two and a half days, with a few hours handover?

Or will they share that company-paid-for nanny with you :-)

If all else fails you can stick to your guns (and hours) and wait for a large pay-off offer?

Cant really do the more flexible thing because of child care arrangments (CM & Parents). Dont think they would be that keen on the whole job share thing if it involved getting someone completely new in. I've been at company for 9 years and obviously someone completely new wouldnt be able to take on so much etc. But as most people say bottom line is do i want to do it or not, would an increase in pay swing it for me although would involve more time away from my children - think answer to both those is no!!

can you work up a proposal for dropping some of your existing stuff? ie passing the stuff you are bored with onto someone more junior enabling you to take up the more interesting stuff on offer without doing more huors. I know it sounds a bit have your cake and eat it but there are ways of presenting it that might make it more palatable - is there someone lower down the foodchain, so to speak, thta you think is good and who needs strecthing a bit. can you make it out to be an opportunity for them to train someone up a bit more? giving them more flexibility in dividing up roles. I'm sure you could come up with something.

ahh. see horace beat me to it. I always post then read

could you spend the extra day working at home? then you could do soem chores in your lunch hour and have a day off once a week for everything.

Firstly I dont see how I could work from home with 20 month old and 4 1/2 year old but also they wouldnt go for that at all. When i needed to start later one day to drop DS off at pre-school I suggested making up the hour at home and that was a no-no so had to lose an hour. Dont really want to work from home TBH - would rather keep home and work separate although do log on and check emails occasionally and have always said I'm available on the phone etc if necessary.

Think I've pretty much made my mind up that I'm going to say no - cant bear the idea of being in the office for another day and not being with my kids - also just dont think would cope!! HOwever that is easy to say when I'm sitting here - not sure how they will take it etc

Anyway - on hols for a week so need to concentrate on that for now!

i agree with you fwiw, i would say no too. am having similarish dilemma at the mo too.

working at home does have its benefits in that you can get the washing done and pay bills and clean kitchen andyou cut out travel time while working. so the day you have off is just quality time. However wasn't suggesting you shoudl work at home witht he kids around. That would just be insane.

you could say it's impossible to find childcare as your excuse fpr not working extra day? it has been true for me in the past. perhaps a last resort though as you dont want to sound like you are considering it as an option.