Controlling feelings at work

[solveproblem]

I always try to be professional at work but I'm a very emotional person. My biggest problem is when people don't like me, it makes me really stressed and nervous!

I've had a colleague trying to bully me by acting as if he is in a senior position to me and ordering me to do things. When I don't do what he asks of me (as I don't always have time) he will go around saying nasty things about me to our colleagues. He once slapped me on the bum with a roll I drawings which I did report.

He is scrutinising my work and if I make the smallest mistake he will make a big thing out of it and run straight to the director.

I've been trying to deal with this myself but I've got this stupid thin where I always want people to like me so have probably not put the foot down as firmly as I have done.

Last week I asked for his assistance on a project and he explored with a really snotty email implying I should not ask him to help out.

He then called me in to a meeting where he tried to show me my place however as I was really pissed off I have him a mouthful back.

My problem is that I can never compose myself in these situation, I always start shaking and almost crying even when I want to be all cool and calm.

I know that I'm right and he's wrong but I still can't deal with the situation as an adult.

Has anyone got any ideas or tips on how I can calm myself down and not nearly cry at work?

Sorry for all the spelling errors, I'm on my mobile.

Oh dear, the text is absolutely awful! Damn autocorrect!

when confronted let them have their say without interrupting then walk away. go somewhere private or even leave the building if necessary. take time to be angry and upset then remember they are wrong. compose a response, go back to them and say 'I would like to speak to you in private please' (you might want to take a witness).when in a private place begin by saying that what they said was hurtful and inappropriate and tantamount to bullying. in your situation you can say that he isn't your manager and you are not answerable to him however you are open to any suggestions he might have on improving efficiency etc but given his attitude towards you is disrespectful that this should be done in the company of a manager. if he interrupts, calmly but firmly say 'let me finish'. he might listen. if he doesn't and tries to argue walk away. If he storms off - don't worry - it means you have got to him. However, whatever his response immediately report the whole incident to your manager and explain that you don't necessarily wish any action be taken but you want it to be noted for future reference.

not sure if this is helpful but I have done this before and if nothing else will give you control of the situation which is what you need to feel better.

Thanks Angelik, you're probably in saying ill have to remove myself from the situation and calm myself down.

I do try to say things in a calm, firm voice but it is impossible to calm myself down to that level.

Thanks for your reply.

solve this sounds mad but have you tried pretending to be someone else? It's hard to explain over the Internet, but I mean basing your behaviour on what you think a good role model would do. For example if I was in a difficult situation I would think "what would my boss do now?" and do that. It can help you distance yourself from the situation and stay cool.

So let's say at work you have a colleague called Betty who is always cool, calm and collected. If this aggravating man said to you "I see you're leaving early" you might reply by saying "no this isn't early, are you saying I am trying to skive off?". But if you thought about what Betty might say, you might end up replying "yes it is early but as I've been here since 8am I thought I'd take the opportunity".

Worth a shot?

I would do this:

"Did you mean to sound so rude?"