Refused career break

[lazyeye]

Just been told my employers (large University) will not give me a one yr extension to my mat leave. I'm due in June, this is my 3rd child in 4 yrs, so I know they must be a bit fed up with me. I'm quite upset and feel like I've been slapped in the face really. I don't think I have much option now but to resign as 3 kids under 4 makes childcare just too expensive. Not sure I have the energy to fight this and is it worth it anyway?

Am I being ungrateful? I'm having bit of a bad time lately and feel a bit down......cheer me up please.

Lazyeye - Are you in the UK?? If so you are entitled to an extra 6mths Maternity Leave unpaid. That is on top of the 6 months you are entitled to paid. So you are entitled to 1 year in total. That is non-negotiable.

Would they consider letting you come back part-time for a few months? It's got to be better than losing you entirely!

Sorry to hear that you're down. But on what grounds could you fight it? I'm sure you could come up with a very strong argument as to why they should consider it (your exprience, cost of training etc) but I guess they have discretion as to whether they grant any unpaid leave.

I wouldn't say you were being ungrateful and they are giving you what you are entitled to. I think that sometimes we in the public sector forget how flexible our employers are and so it does feel like a slap when something is refused.

If you don't/can't fight it, just look forward to the maternity leave without the hassle of knowing you have to go back to work/sort out childcare etc. Will you still get tax credits if you keep the other 2 in childcare? They will increase surely

I am in UK M2T, but I was asking for another year on top of the year you are now entitled to, so 2 yrs in total. This would have seen my eldest at school and the middle one qualify for state nursery......otherwise the cost of c/care is just ridiculous.

Yeah, I guess I will come to terms with it & they have been good to me. Just feel a bit down now -l ike I don't matter or something. Sure I'll feel better tomorrow.

lazyeye, you are a qualified professional who will be difficult to replace. Are they aware that you would have to leave because of childcare costs if they don't grant you this extension?
Are you a member of our magnificent professional association? If so, how about getting in touch with them and making their officers earn their keep? So sorry they've taken this line.

To be honest I think they are being completely reasonable. They have hardly seen you for the last 4 years anyway, so why should they give you another year extension? I do see your dilemma about childcare,but that's thr afult of the government for not providing cheaper childcare.
I don't think you should see it as a slap in the face at all. In my company you would have been queitly disposed of a long time ago in your situation, so at least they are sticking to the rules.

Okay, Fairymum - I think I admitted as much down the page. I think the way it was put to me wasn't the best - I don't think you can blame me for feeling quite de-motivated. And to be honest over the last mat leaves they are only giving me what I'm entitled to - and they don't even replace me - they are probably saving money. Sorry, I do see it as a slap in the face - yes they have been good to me, but I've been very good to them too. They need to wake up a bit if you ask me, and get to grips with life how it really is - lots of other large companies in the public sector offer career breaks.

Perhaps they really haven't got the money to replace you? Another reason to really need you to come back? I thought there wasn't much money in education these days.

Generally speaking,a year maternity leave is great. I do think it's important to encourage people to have children, of course, but I think the solution is cheaper childcare to enable women to go back to work. I don't think it's realistic to stay away from your job for years, generally speaking, and still return. Why not just take a break and apply for another job when you want to come back?

Sorry, I don't know how they put it to you......

To be honest, although I'm still smarting a bit and I know I am lucky esp in comparison to the private sector, I think its probably a case of one door closing...etc. Its probably time to move on & maybe they have seen this. My role has had to change dramatically and really I've been side-lined a bit and hence am not fully happy anyway. Will take this time to think about what I really want to do..teaching maybe. Like I said, couldn't decide if I was being ungrateful. I've worked in private sector as well, so know what side me bread is buttered on......

But I still think my boss needs a lesson in how to motivate.....feel like I'm quite worthless now - more or less said there was no reason to give it to me and that was it..........And I think more and more pple will be asking for this and they need to get their act together. Another girl asked at the same time as me for diff reasons (travel) and was turned down too.

Lazyeye, I don't know which Uni you work at, but within the Russell Group there's a feeling that HEIs need to move more towards being an "employer" rather than the "soft touch" they are widely seen as. I've recently moved over from research to admin and from what I've seen in a couple of institutions the only peole they are really happy to give career breaks to is low grade staff. Anyone whose role involves training and a fair amount of responsibilty is unlikely to get the break.

In fairness to your boss, if you've been off as much as it would seem (3 kids in 4 years) then they have probably got used to working around your absence and it is inevitable (i think) that you will feel sidelined. Also in cases like this other staff may have agreed to take on additional work in return for double increments, going onto next pay grade or whatever and be loathe to give up their new role, (even though they'd keep the money).

Sorry, this probably sounds a bit dismissive of your feelings, but thought it might help to know what other HEIs are up to! Might seem like less of a slap in the face. at least both of you got turned down for a career break, I imagine one person being allowed and another not would have had unpleasant consequences.

No, no not dismissive - I think I have come to terms with it all & of course can see their point of view. I refuse to feel guilty for having my children though!!!

I'm a bit embarrassed I posted this now so will shut up. I think I'm beginning to see it as an opportunity rather than anything else.

Still, I stick to my original points about career brks in general (and the verbal ineptness of my boss).

Maybe your boss needs to go on one of the many staff training courses that HEIs love to offer! And, of course you shouldn't apologise for having kids! In Austria you get extended maternity leave (paid), career breaks etc. You even get promoted when you're on leave and can end up going back to work 5 years down the line to a much better job, with better pay. Can't see it happening here though.

Don't be embarrassed you posted just because not everyone agrees with you. I do see your point. This country needs more children and should make it much easier for a woman to combine work and motherhood. From my point of view, it is the policies which have to change though.
I am expecting my third child at the moment and financially I am in the same hole as you (although my children are not that close in age). It is not easy, and fathers have it way too easy!

Right I'm off to Austria then......I've got lots of ideas about other things I'd like to do, but will probably end up back in some dusty old Library, squeezing it in between picking up kiddies.

I won't I won't.