I went back to work in january after a year of maternity leave, started with 3 days a week and then 4 from April and the expectation to go up to 5 from September. I've been using annual leave to take the other days off so am getting paid for full time.
I'm in the swing of the routine, just about coping ok with kerping the house sorted, and enjoying my work and my boss is trying to get me a promotion.
But. I feel like I'm failing DD (17mo). I work funny hours from home and DD is back from grandparents/nursery by 3pm on my work days so we have a couple of hours together each day then obv there's my day off (but that will soon be gone when I go up to 5 days).
I'm envious of the grandparents who have DD 2 days per week, I'm envious of my SAHM-friends who potter around.
I worry DD is missing out on things and that I'm not as in-tune with her, plus that I'm tired from working/keeping the house going (DH works v long hours). Whenever DD is clingy I'm concerned it's because she's fed up with going to nanny's/grandmas/nursery. She doesn't see DH at all in the week as he leaves early and gets home late and her time with me is limited.
We've just bought our forever home and whilst we're not stretched financially, we need to do work to the house and have intentions to overpay on the mortgage to get the monthly repayments down to free up cash in the future. I earn a bit more than DH and we'd like another baby next year so I'm loathed to reduce my hours officially to a) get our longer term finances in a hood position, b) maximise my next maternity pay, c) have cash to house and have a much-needed holiday and upgrade old banger of car.
And because of all that I feel guilty for prioritising all that over time with DD.