Life crisis – Going back to work after 4 years career break or trying for baby number 2? Help

[noodlemania]

I guess I am having a life crisis/ dilemma and would like to have your thoughts please ladies. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

I am a SAHM to a lovely 3 year old girl. I worked as a PA in the city for 6 years before I had dd. We moved to Hong Kong due dh's job. I got pregnant there and decided to take a career break. We moved back to London two and half years ago. Last year I started to look for a part-time job and after 3-4 months had no success I decided to stop looking. Partly there wasn't a good nursery/ childminder available in our area. So I was reluctant to leave her in just an ok nursery.

Dh and I want to have another child but we didn't feel ready as dd wasn't an easy baby (terrible sleeper and eater). Also we don't have any family support in the UK.

Fast forward as dd gets older things get easier and early this year we started to try for baby number 2. Sadly I had a miscarriage. I am emotionally still sad about it and worry it will happen again. So DH and I decided to put on hold trying for baby no.2.

After a long thought I feel like rather than keep thinking about baby and baby all the time maybe I should go back to work. I've always wanted to go back to work and dreaming of my old self and also worry by taking a longer career break is going to completely kill my CV. But I also want to have another child. I'm 35 so I am not young but I guess I can keep on hold on trying for baby for another 1-2 years?

I am soo confused. Looking for a job after 4 years career break will be hard but I need to know what I want first. What would you do if you were me?

Confused mum

Hi

No real advice but I'm only 25 & have 1 lb aged 18 months
I am a good mum & I love my son dearly...however my lb had colic real bad & was a nightmare for the 1st 4 months! I dream of my old self so my choice is to go back to work as soon as he's in pre school! It's down to you really! Having a baby is another few years out of work! This is why I have already decided against no 2! People say I may regret it but its whats best for us! My lb has 8 cousins so far all under 10 so he won't be lonely lol
Good luck in whatever you choose to do :-)

Just my two pennorth...I think you should be kind to yourself, you are clearly still getting over the miscarriage this year. Did you have any medical advice to help you through, or anyone you can talk to about that side of it, who could advise on how long to wait? It sounds as though working would give you something different to focus on, and that would probably be a relief. At the same time you sound as though you would dearly love another baby. It's not an either/or: you could totally do both. (Actually I say that when I know fine well it is pretty tiring to job-hunt OR try for a baby. But it's possible). Like I said: look after yourself, be kind. Good luck! Had mine at 35 and 39. Career all over the place but still working...

Thanks mumtolilh. You are lucky that your lb has 8 cousins. My dd is the only grandchild from both side of family so unfortunately she doesn't have any cousins. For a long time we had loads of doubts of having another child. Having just one child certainly makes life easier and better for our finance too. But having thought pros and cons, we know that we want two children.

Thanks for your advise alimac87. You are right, I only had the miscarriage about 2 weeks ago. I guess I should allow more time to get over it. It hit me hard. I just don't want to dwell on it and thought by going back to work will help me to divert my mind. It's something positive to focus on. We are putting on hold for trying baby number 2 but not sure how long for. Dd is in a preschool now and I am so bored being at home. Going back to work is something positive I guess but I also want another child. I guess nothing is black and white. So confusing.

Maybe get a job even if its temporary & then try for a baby in a few months or don't...just see how it goes...life always works itself out in the end! A miscarrige is a terrible thing to go through however they are much more common than people think so try not to worry that it would happen again & make sure you take plenty of time to recover :)

I would say - firstly be kind to yourself -do some nice things while your DD is at pre-school and there is a very good miscarriage section here
I would start looking for a job - even if you change your mind it would be helpful to do something - I alway recommend them on these threads but WomenLikeUs www.womenlikeus.org.uk/ and their jobs board might be very useful
also mumnet have a workfest coming up going along that might be useful as well