Feeling so torn :(

[Misty9]

It looks very likely I'll be starting work 4 days a week soon, after being a sahm for 21 months. I trained a long time to get qualified in my profession but had ds shortly after finishing and haven't worked as a qualified since. A fixed term opportunity has arisen and I feel I should take it to get my career off the ground then after 6 months I can finish and potentially ttc number two

The plan would be dh has ds two days a week and he goes to nursery/we get a nanny the other two days. I'm really reluctant to put him in a nursery (just doesn't feel right, and he's not talking yet) but a nanny seems prohibitively expensive..(but we could afford it).

But, I feel sooo torn and sad about the prospect of leaving ds. DH says if I feel that bad then I should turn the job down - but is this a normal part of the transition? Have others felt this and been ok once you started? My career feels less important than the pull to look after ds (and believe me, I am not a natural mother!) but I know this wont always be the case..

I work full time and DS2 is at nursery 3 full days a week (8am - 6pm) and with my mum for 2. I feel constant guilt at leaving him all week and in an ideal world I would work part time. that said I'm really pleased he has been at nursery from a young age as it has done so much for him, he loves it there, has loads of friends, is very confident and interacts very well with other children. DS1 was looked after by my Mum 5 full days a week when he was pre school age and he was very different, very shy and never the first one to approach other children to make friends.

So I would say don't feel too guilty about choosing nursery, it can be great for their social development, but on the other hand, don't worry about rushing back into a career, I know it's cliche but its true that you don't get those years back, and now ds2 is 10 I really wish I spent more time with him in those pre school years.

Good luck with whatever you decide!