Short and shared maternity/paternity leave

[pali1978]

Hi everyone - my situation is this. Not entirely through choice I am shortly to leave my current job and start a new one. The work I do, particularly at my level, is very demanding and requires major commitment. I have already raised the fact that I plan to have a baby (to which the response was pretty reasonable) but a long absence from the office is not realistic. I'm looking at around 3 months. I would prefer to be able to take longer but that's the way it is unless I completely change what I do and right now (I'm not actually even pregnant) neither I nor my husband think that's the right decision. Perhaps later I will. My questions are first whether anyone has taken a short maternity leave and what their experience/advice is. And second, we are thinking that my husband may take a month or two of leave after I go back to work. Has anyone done this? After that it would be either nursery or a nanny. In case you are wondering why we don't wait to have a baby, I am 36 going on 37 and have already put babies on hold once then lost the little one we had conceived just before I knew I would be leaving my current job. I don't want to put having a child off again. It would be great to hear from anyone who has any experience of these things...

FWIW, with DC1, I changed jobs and ended up being at home until she was 15mo. DP had a demanding job at the time, was often working weekends etc and, whilst he was a good partner & father doing his bit around the house (including all of the cooking), always got up with her early one day at the weekend, played with her lots & clearly adored her etc, he had very little idea how she "functioned" & what her food likes & dislikes were, when she napped etc. With DC2, I was always going to have to go back when he was 8 or, at the very latest, 9mths. DP ended up losing his job when DC2 was 6mo and, since I went back to work 3 months ago, has been in charge of all things domestic. Its been great. He has a totally different relationship with the DC, understands how boring domestic stuff can be and how hard it can be to fit it in when you've got a toddler "helping" and a baby who has to be held most of the time and I've realised how frustrating it can be to come home from a day at the office wanting to do nothing but slump down but actually have to go straight into bathtime & bedtime and then tidy toys & do admin. DP now knows much more about DS than I do. I've also realised that my way of doing things isn't necessarily the best way!

My maternity leaves have each got shorter.

DS now 8.9 I took 6 months off completely, then worked about a day a week to ge the equivalent of SMP to run car etc to afford another 6 months off (only 6 months maternity pay then).

DD1 now 6.2, took 6 months off, then 3 months part time, but had a month in hospital before birth due to complications.

DD2 now 2.7, only took 3.5 months off after birth, but was off work from 24 weeks due to complications, working fom home. No shared maternity leave available then.

We had a Part time nanny for a year when I returned after DD1, I found it very expensive, even compared to 2 part time nursery places, but a lot depends on the hours you need, nurseries are not genrally very flexible.

thank you both. I think the shared leave concept is a great one. My husband and I do the same job, in fact I earn a bit more. Plus I was very close to my dad because he was at home a lot when I was young and think it is a wonderful thing. We'll see how it all works. In fact, sooner than expected as I found out the day after I posted that I am pregnant...:)

Hi

We had lots longer than you but we shared paternity/maternity leave and it worked really well. I had 8 1/2 months off and my DH had 3 months. He loved spending the time with DD and she loved the time with him? We both now work part time and DD is in nursery for 2 days. Given your work commitments, could your DH go part time? Might be something else to consider?

But to answer your second question, we shared leave and it worked really well for us.

Another thing to note is if your DH does take additional paternity leave, he'll get 10 KIT days of his own (at least we did) which helps with finances.

Good luck!

Ahh congratulations!

I am planning to do the same thing, my job is very demanding, could not feasibly take more than 3mo off without losing status etc and I earn quite a bit more than my DP. My plan is that I will take the first 3mo and he the next 3mo after which the baby would go into daycare or more likely with a nanny as I already have DD (8).

I'm really happy that shared leave is being made available (although isn't it only in 2015?).

Good luck

Thank you both. Good to know others have done/are planning to do something similar to me. I think the maternity pay for dads is still a way off, but so far as I understand, they are able to take time off 20 weeks after the birth. Our (rough) plan is that I will do 3.5 mths and my husband will then take the month of paid leave he's owed and another month or two as paternity leave. I could have got this wrong...will have another check. And if we're lucky enough to have a no.2, things should be even better by then!