Started new job today and have been crying all evening!

[PrincessJackie]

Okay, so went back to work today.
Dropped my 1 year old son off at his first CM, and I couldnt focus on work all day. I was watching the clock all day until i could get back to pick him up and cuddle him.

My new job, hours are 9-4, but after commuting, DS is at CM's 8-5. I guess what I'm trying to say is, the guilt I'm feeling for leaving him to go to work, is eating me up! After getting home with him, I held him and cried. I honestly dont know if this is going to get any better for me like "they" all say it will. I dread leaving him tomorrow morning already. I'm crying here typing this.
Is this normal? I should be excited about restarting my career and the bit of extra pennies we'll be getting (not much as childcare takes 80%). So what's left after childcare, I kinda feel like why am I being away from him all that time, for so little.

Another factor that really bugs me, DH is in the Army, so he's hardly ever home as he deploys later this year. I also feel guilty about DS missing his dad (they are SUPER close) and then his mom abandoning him all day to go to work too!

All our family lives abroad, he's only got me, and his dad. And I think that maybe that's why i feel so so unbelievably bad about leaving him at CM.

Please, if anyone could give me any sort of positive feedback, just to get my mind back on track tonight, I would be forever grateful. DH is away at the moment too, so his support would have been heaven sent right now.

This is completely normal and it will get so much better. I promise.

When you first go back to work it is really tough - pretty much whatever your circumstances, so to be in your position with very little family support must be harder still.
Give your new job a bit longer to see how it works out, but if you're unhappy and feel that your DS is spending too long in childcare, and 5 days a week 8-5 is quite a lot for some kids, would reducing your hours be an option?

1. He isn't abandoned. You've chosen a good care setting for him.

2. Right now you won't be much better off but in a few years you will be a lot better off because you've kept your career going.

Your hormones and emotions are making you suffer just now but ds is fine. You will be fine. Enjoy picking him up. Enjoy your weekends and time off and enjoy that you are working as well as being a brilliant mum.

Give it a chance but i totally understand.
I struggled with the idea of going back to work to a job i didn't love for a tiny bit more cash. So I didn't. She's 2 now and would feel a lot less uneasy about separation as she is so much more independent.
If your DH is supportive, and you weigh up that the money is not worth it, or neither of you will adjust no one would blame you.
Whatever you decide is perfectly fine.

It's horrible going back to work.

It will get easier I promise, your routine will become more normal feeling and evening / bed times will become the best times of your day. Your days off with your little one will also be very precious and you'll treasure that time.

My DH was in the army when we had DD and it always magnified my feelings when he wasn't around. She on the other hand knew no different so was very matter of fact that daddy goes away to work sometimes, sometimes is home and mummy works in the day, DD goes to CM and we have fun when we're all off together.

Thank you ladies!
Funny thing is, I know he's perfectly fine at CM. I made sure he had THE best CM in the area! He loves her already as he's been for a few "settling in" days.

Just wish I'd stop being so silly.
Emotional is right @NorthernLurker!! Maybe a little loopy too.

What Northern Lurker said

AND

In this set of circumstances, with DH away a lot and family abroad, having a warm caring relationship with another adult - the CM is is positive bonus.

I am sure you will also start to find the real positives in work soon.

Hope tomorrow goes well