DS dad is against me going for new job.

[CosmicG]

So, I'm a single mum at the moment...on benefits and I've been offered a job, working 16 hrs over 2 days a week. The pay isn't fantastic. I'll be starting on a very basic low wage and then after 6months it will increase to £15k pro rata. My ex thinks that I would be stupid to work there. He said, its not worth the hassel and that I dnt need the money and should concentrate on looking after DS, until something better comes up. I feel sooooo confused!!! help!!!

Why on earth would you listen to what your ex thinks? Do what you want to do and tell him to go swivel.

Does he not work then? Why is it better for you not to work but ok for him?

It has nothing at all to do with him at all. Do what you want to do. Would he consult you about a promotion or job change?

Congratulations! Well done, you go for it, don't listen to him. It doesn't mean you have to work there forever but it can be easier finding alternative work when you are already working and who knows you might love it

Why are you even listening to your ex?

Do you want to do it?
Will it help you get a full time job when the time is right?
Will it give you new skills?
Will it give you new friends?
Have you got child care sorted?

If so go for it. What have you got to lose?
It's got nothing to do with your ex. He doesn't get a day in your life anymore. He's your ex.

Thank you all for your kind comments. I know, I shouldn't be listening to him. I do want to go back to work. I told him, that it wasn't just about money but that I want to do something other than just be a mum. He said, that I am being selfish and that if he could he would be a single stay at home dad and look after DS for at least the first 3 yrs of his life. When I asked, "why don't you do that then?" He said, he would if I had a decent paid job. And that bcos of his job, DS and I are looked after by him and the state and that that should be enough.

cosmic you want to work, you want to make something else of your life. Go for it. Ignore your ex.

Lots of women work (me included), I personally believe that me working is better for me and my DS. And that by working I'm providing for him and showing him that he has a happy, confident, hardworking mother.

Good luck, take the job of its what you want!

Fulfilling your own needs is not being selfish. Generally speaking a child is better off with a happy Mum.

Its 2 days a week. Go for it. Your ds will be fine. You will learn new skills and it will open new doors for your future. Do you think your ex likes the fact that you are dependant on him?

Why are you even discussing it with him? Just don't engage in the discussion at all as that will give him the impression you think he does in fact have a say in it.

SJ i'm not sure if he likes the fact that i am dependant on him. I was dependant on him for a long time when we were together. I was made redundant shortly after we met (4 years ago) and so he always paid for our rent and bills. Then even when I did get myself a job, and contributed, he still always made me feel like I never did enough. Anyway, I started my new job today and it felt great!!

Congratulations Cosmic! I hope it's the start of good things for you :)

Thanks Bumble. I'm sure it will be. I feel very optimistic about the future. x

To put it mildly....it's got fuck all to do with him.

Congratulations on the job :)