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Original poster

Am I Making Life Difficult For Me?

16 replies

Metrobaby · 23/01/2004 14:51

I working f/t at the mo and currently 28wks pg. Currently feeling v hormonal so I'll try and keep this succient as possible.

Ever since I annouced my pg to my line manager she has been a nightmare. She made a such a fuss of my request to work 3 days a month from home, and in the end I came to an informal agreement with my other boss (who she also reports to).

Last week I took 1 day off sick (my only day off since being pg), as I had overdone it and was advised to rest by midwife. However on my return line manager asked me questions such as "was it likely to happen again?", "if so was it be a regular thing", and "how long was I going to be off for". She also asked me if I was planning anymore, and told me to note down all my antenatal appts in the team calendar. I don't know if I am being over reactive but I feel these questions are highly invasive and am seriously wondering to talk to my other boss about it. I've already said I don't want my antenatal appts on the team calendar as I believe it to be rather personal and it also has no effect on the rest of my team. I feel v disappointed too as I said that I would work from home on days of my antenatal appts to maximise the use of my time - but I now don't even think this is being recognised or appreciated - especially as I know I am legally entitled to the time off anyway.

Do you think I am making life difficult for myself my speaking to my other boss (who I get on v well with), about how unhappy she is making me? I don't even feel like I want to report to her anymore.

OP posts:

FairyMum · 23/01/2004 14:57

I actually write down all sick days other members of staff has in my company. I know it sounds anal, but it's to cover my back. I am not pregnant, but did it during my pregnancy and still do it now because I sometimes need time off to cover for sick children. I know I have less days off than other team members and I ike to be able to proove it to. It doesn't sound like you have had much time off at all. You could always have a word with HR!

I take a wild guess your boss is childless and bitter-about-men late thirty-something woman?

marialuisa · 23/01/2004 14:57

I've read your other posts and TBH I think there's a problem with you and your line manager that seems to have been exacerbated by your pregnancy. As you get on well with the big boss would it be possible to have a 3 way meeting where you can make your concerns clear?

Original poster

Metrobaby · 23/01/2004 15:18

FairyMum - good guess !

Marialuisa - yes you are right. The problem between my line manager and myself is that she doesn't trust me as we work in completely different offices, and I think she likes to have a lot of control. I am however very nervous of a 3 way meeting.

OP posts:

marialuisa · 23/01/2004 15:22

I can understand that. I just thought that if the big Boss was there she would have to be more carefl of what she said. Could you put your side to big boss first and explain how you feel? It sounds pretty horrendous to me and there should be steps in place to deal with situations like this. Do you have a personnel section? I think it sounds as if she's bullying you really.

sorry, not much practical help. sounds as if the situation is deteriorating though...

katierocket · 23/01/2004 15:26

metrobaby - she sounds like a bully. I know it can be hard but I would go for the 3 way meeting. Plan carefully what you want to get across, don't let her wind you up, and don't let her get to you.

I can't stand this kind of attitude. Remember that to act like this she must be a very insecure person and she obviously sees you as a threat (it's HER problem not yours). Don't let her get away with it.
good luck

Slinky · 23/01/2004 15:47

Awww {hugs{}} - it really horrible to be in that situation.

When I fell pregnant with DD1, my boss, who up until then, had been all sweetness and light - turned into No1 Bitch!

Within a few weeks, she changed my working hours to start at 7.30am one week, finishing at 6.30pm another. This meant that I couldn't continue my "car share" thing that 3 of us had going - and had to rely on trains which obviously made the day longer.

She would also go to lunch at 12pm - come back at 12.45pm - then announce that she wanted to a hold a meeting with me and my colleague. This would then lap over into my 1pm lunch break so I then ended up running down to nab a sandwich and eat at my desk.

Real bug bear of mine about the cow was her sitting a few feet away from me - but she would email with a question. She would then wait a few minutes then swing round and say "did you not receive my message????"

Got to 24 weeks - and finally broke down at the Ante-natal clinic. GP signed me off for a week and demanded that I sort out my working conditions. I phoned in to say I'd been signed for a week - she waited for a few days before calling me at home finding out when I would be back etc etc.

Finally got to 35 weeks and went on Mat. Leave. She decided to take the day off on my last day and the rest of the office had a ball

Crunch came after the birth - 10 days after she was on the phone wanting to know if and when I was returning "because she needed to sort things out if I wasn't coming back".

I refused to confirm - left her hanging about until the last minute, which really infuriated her and then told her to stick her f job up her a**.

I knew I could never go back to work in those conditions with a child - it would have been a nightmare!

And yes, she was child-less as well!

Anyway, sorry for rambling - but yes I think your boss is a bully and I would side-line her and speak to someone higher up. I only wish I had, but they all tended to "stick together" where I was.

bossykate · 23/01/2004 20:12

her behaviour is inappropriate. i would speak to your other boss before even considering a 3 way meeting - you need to test the water, otherwise you risk being "ambushed". in speaking to your other boss, i would try to be as unemotional as possible (v. hard i know with all those surging hormones). decide what outcome you want to achieve, and plan what you want to say accordingly, do not be apologetic and emphasise that you are continuing to meet your work commitments despite your pregnancy. imo, it wouldn't hurt if you casually mentioned that you are aware of your rights either.

she sounds a right b*h, and if there is any justice she will get hers one day.

good luck.

Original poster

Metrobaby · 23/01/2004 21:05

BK, KatieRocket and Slinky - thanks so so much for your advice. Slinky - your ex boss sounds horrid - no wonder you left - shame it couldn't be her. I can't believe people can get away with this type of behaviour. Similarly my line manager was asking me the same questions about whether I was planning to return etc - again a question to be invasive as I know I don't have to let them know until a month before I have to return. She even has questioned the timing of all my antenatal appts and asked could they not be arranged at the end or at the beginning of the day!

BK - I'm taking your advice and going to set up a meeting with my higher boss first. I used to report to him directly. I was planning on my return to suggest that I report to him again directly - or failing that someone else - but I am wondering now whether to request this now in light of her recent comments

Oh - and I am ashamed to admit I keep hoping that when she gets preggers she'll get zero sympathy, support and understanding.

OP posts:

marlou · 23/01/2004 21:27

You need to get this sorted because all this added stress as well as the normal pressures of work are going to do you and your baby no good. I had problems at work during my pregnancy, lack of support, being moved from my usual area of work to somewhere else, changes in shift hours etc and yes I complained and luckily did get some help from my manager, but by then I was already wound up and tense when I was at work. I am sure all the problems I had led to the fact that my baby had to be induced early because he stopped growing. I have never cried so much before the day of the induction, I was terrified that I had harmed him just because I put up with the stress at work.
I'll keep my fingers crossed that all works out well for you. {{HUGS{}}}

Batters · 24/01/2004 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

vivat · 27/01/2004 13:40

Sorry to hear this Metrobaby - think the advice you've already received is excellent. Have you spoken to anyone in HR as there may be a friendly face there. They will also be (hopefully?) more up to speed on your rights and it may be worth putting a marker down. If I remember rightly you work for a similar organisation to me, and such organisations are quite keen to be seen to be doing the right thing at the moment....

pollingfold · 29/01/2004 17:01

Sounds like you're having a mear metrobaby. I have to say I haven't been through this, due to working a department of men who just bluched every time I mentioned pg. However you should be aware that although you are entitled to have paid leave for antenatal care, your employer has every right to request forward notice of when these will be.Think yourself lucky that you don't have to bring signed proof that there is an actual antenatal appointment as requested by a MW or dr for each one of these, that happened to a friend of mine ( and again fully within the rights of the employer)

Hope things work out, and remember that in a few weeks you won't have to put up with the witch anymore.

pollingfold · 29/01/2004 17:02

Menat to say "MARE" not "mear"

Richie · 04/02/2004 10:08

Metrobaby I feel so bad for you - there is nothing worse than having the "Sunday evening feeling" - on Mon/Tue/Wed/Thu - I know - I've been there with at least 2 jobs before. (ESPECIALLY when you are pg!!) Congratulations by the way!

I have to say - obviously time has passed since you first posted your message - so hopefully you have resolved something so far.....

What I would urge you to do is go to your Citizens Advice Bureau - as work-related maternity issues are VERY hot - and your line manager has stepped well over the mark already. The advice already given by the others is great - but you MUST protect your own rights and see your HR department too. The behaviour is appalling and inexusable. I am outraged for you.

I wish you lots of luck - this should be a pleasurable time with lots of fuss being made over you. Talk to the big boss too - but see CAB and HR FIRST!

Best of luck, big hugs....

Original poster

Metrobaby · 04/02/2004 10:53

Thanks again everyone for your kind words and advice.

I'm pleased to report I have good news anyway. I ended up seeing my higher boss about this. I am pleased to say I didn't get emotional and didn't sl*g her off either. I saw him at the end of last week which although wasn't great for me worrying, was good in terms of being able to present my case in a calm manner.

We came to the agreement that I would work from home 1 day a week. On that day I would arrange my antenatal appointments, and would tell team leader in advance. On the team calendar I would mark these days as working from home. I didn't bring up her various comments however, or take it up with HR as I think would cause a lot of bad feelings all round, which I didn't think was worth it for the 5 weeks I have left here However, I've decided on returning from ML to make a strong case for not reporting to her - but obviously will deal with that nearer the time.

OP posts:

marialuisa · 05/02/2004 13:27

only just seen this, glad you are okay (ish) with things.

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