I'm about to be made redundant & am not sure I can hack it as a SAHM

[scampadoodle]

I've just been told it's highly likely that I'll be made redundant - I could be out of a job by next Friday! I work 3 days pw & had just negotiated 2 days from September when DS1 starts school. They want to get rid of the jobshare as between us we work too many days a week.
I'm sort of resigned to it, but a bit shell-shocked. I'm not a big career-woman-type but I really like my job as it's nice & creative & an oasis of calm for me. I have 2 boys who are really full-on. This development means I would be looking after DS2 (23m) full-time & he's a right handful. I am NOT looking forward to being on my hands & knees picking up bits of food from the floor 24/7, never wearing nice clothes, not speaking to another adult for hours or days on end (I don't know any other mums & find it hard to make friends generally as I'm quite shy), & just the overwhelming ground-hog dayness of it all.
My salary paid for the childcare & a little left over so financially it's not too much of a disaster (apologies to those who'd LOVE to be SAHMs but have to work) as DH says he'll give me an allowance, but I'm worried I'll get depressed & isolated.
Please reassure me I'll be okay!

Then think of SAHM-dom as being your job - set yourself tasks and deadlines.

Make it a priority to find, say, three places you can take DS2 during the week. Go swimming with him if you fear toddler groups (they can be vile places, but they can be good too, so don't dismiss them utterly). Or go to a music group, something where the focus is on the child, not on standing around with a cup of coffee.

There is no reason why being a SAHM means drudgery, never wearing nice clothes or speaking to another adult.

I've worked 2 days, 3 days and 4 days a week since having DS1, now I'm on mat leave so am fulltime SAHM with both boys, but I'm setting up my own business, so I can see the benefits of all sides of the debate! And there are lots of benefits of SAHM-dom, I promise. You will be OK.

if you're that bothered (although you may actually enjoy it .. but whadoIknow I've been a SAHM for 4 years) why don't you find another job then?

Being a SAHM is what you make it -

Well it can be like that but it doesn't have to be. I've been a SAHM for 9 years (well, I've worked from home for the last 18 months or so) and that doesn't describe my life!

I kinda know where you're coming from, as you sound isolated and I am too, though after a year of living here I have started to get to know one or two people. I do the nasty clothes / picking up food / no other adult bit I am afraid, but that has more to do with my SN beloved eldest who can't really be taken anywhere much, and my Dh's shift pattern that prevents me going anywhere much. However, I DO have a very enjoyable and fulfilling other life (not that the mummy part isn't, but please understand sahm's that it CAN be a slog when you are isolated with an sn kid) and that is I go to Uni. Have you thought about something like that? You could do a leisure class, something creative if you wanted, but it gets you out of the house, helps you make friends (and has boosted my confisdence) and helps you add to your CV for the future.

Oh dear..sorry...I'm not dissing SAHMs, or saying it's not a worthwhile thing to do, just that I'm not very good at it! I do it 2 days a week now, plus weekends, & do find it very hard. I really envy those women who all seem to know eachother at toddler groups, or in the park, & make looking after their children seem effortless.

Thanks HunkerMunker - your post helped.

My top tip is to use some of your redundancy money to pay for childcare to give yourself a break from SAHM.

Also when your elder child goers to school you will have the opportunity to meet the other parents on the school run and have playdates.
You can also get involved in the PTA if you like, which may give you a chance to have some adult time and get involved in other non-child specific things.

Yes, iota, I was thinking that one advantage is that I can help DS1 when he starts school (this September) & be able to take part in PTA-type stuff.

Unfortunately my redundo will probably have to go on paying our nanny (she looks after DS2 for days a week when I'm at work) a decent notice period...

I think I find the whole idea difficult because it's been thrust upon me suddenly... I'm sorry if it comes across as whingeing!

scampadoodle - I took voluntary redundancy when ds1 wa 4 and ds2 was 18 mths - I found it quite a wrench even though it was what I wanted. I was really apprehensive about being SAHM, but here I am, 3 yrs later, with a life

Believe me it is a lot easier to be SAHM when they start school- the school run breaks up the day quite nicely and one child can't fight with himself and is easier to manage when you're out and about, and once ds2 is 3 you get free childcare for 2.5 hrs a day - I also send ds2 to nursery and have done since I was made redundant - I'd go mad if I had him 24/7

Thanks for all the advice - I feel a bit better about it now. If I can afford it out of my 'allowance' I might put DS2 in nursery one day a week . And try not to feel guilty about it!!