In a quandary

[Steala]

I currently work part time in the City in a job I find stressful. I have two children and I don't know what to do.
At the moment, I feel I am not coping at work, am losing touch with the children and that everything is getting on top of me. I don't know whether to give up work or hang in there. I didn't enjoy being at home full time. I got bored. But perhaps that was because there was always the option of going back to work. If there wasn't, would my mindset change?
Added to that, I have PND and so rather unsurprisingly, I'm not particularly happy at home and I'm not particularly happy at work.

Do I give up and risk regretting throwing away my career? Do I hang in there and risk regretting not spending enough time with the children? Do I get signed off with PND and risk career suicide? If I did take that route, how would it affect things in the future?
I am not really a regular poster but I have posted sporadically over the past year or so. I would appreciate any objective comments. I find my family are too embroiled in it to really help me decide.
Thanks for listening.
Steala

Your health and happiness are the main thing, perhaps taking a little time off can put some perspective on things, How old are your children? i'm a SAHM and to be honest i'm always finding things to do, my project at the mo (apart from looking after dd ) is decorating and there is always the washing, cooking etc to keep me going too (not that interesting i know ) at the end of the day its down to me not to let myself get bored (and thats where MN comes in too ) I suppose its all about finding the right balance and what suits you, hope you manage to get sorted

Is there anyway you could work part-time? I was hopeless at being at home full-time but I've found working part-time is the solution for me.

How old are your kids? I hated being a SAHM when DD was 9 months, but now she's 3.5 I can sort of imagine it being if not easier, then at least much more interesting! Mind you, now I am working 3/4 days a week so that might just be a case of the grass always being greener!

Is there any way you could work nearer to your home and in a less stressful job?
Sounds like you might benefit from having a job but the one you have is far too much.

I'm with robin3. Could you do a visualisation exercise? Maybe find half an hour of peace to yourself (yes, ha ha) and lie down (no sleeping!) and see yourself through an entire day from waking up to going to bed, and work out the individual things that make you feel worst (and best)? It may not help, but you might be able to identify small changes that could make things better.

I found that getting a job I could walk to, so that I wasn't reliant on unreliable transport, reducing my hours from 21 to 17, and channging childcare made a huge difference at a difficult time. But I only have 1 child.

I'm in a similiar situation, I've been refused part time work so now have the choice of being a SAHM or going back to work full time.

Ideally part time would suit me best and you as well I suspect, it sounds like a good suggestion from robin3, you still get that time to yourself (although it's at work lol)without it being stressful, and time with the children.

I'm going to try full time so at least I can say I've tried it, and then will probably resign and look for a parttime job which is less stressful (I'm a teacher).

I don't really think there's ever a completely ideal solution for anyone, unless they find a dream job which is part time but fabulously paid - anyone know of any? :o

I had to go out & find the part-time work - not easy but can be done. Requires persistance & in my case abject refusal to stay at home!

Thank you all so much for replying. Sorry for not posting earlier - just back from quite a manic day in the office.

That is the problem. I do work part time but the hours are really long and on my "days off" (actually being at home with the children is much harder) I have a pretty constant stream of phone calls, and emails.

My children are 3 and 19 months. Getting more fun to be with all the time. Unfortunately, the youngest has entered terrible 2s before the older one has left them! So it is hard work but certainly less boring than winter maternity leave with a tiny baby.

I will try the visualisation exercise. That sounds helpful. I also know I need something to keep myself busy. Might develop a new hobby or a serious MN addiction!

I could give up work. We would find a way to cope. I'm lucky to be in that situation. But I just can't decide whether that is the right thing. It sounds so final.

One of the main problems I have with PND is making decisions. If I can't decide what to have for breakfast, what chance do I have making a decision like this? I think the only way to get any breathing space is to get signed off. My doctor is willing to do that. I'm just not really comfortable with the idea.

Thank you all so much for listening and for your helpful posts.

Steala

hello steala - haven't read all the posts so not sure if this has been already said?

for what it's worth - I really enjoyed my year of mat leave off work because it was a welcome break from the rat race. I only have one dd and work part time(ish) and work from home one day a week. This means colleagues take the mick and ring me when I am home on annual leave - email and persistently nag and actually this makes me more stressed than being in the office and for me intrudes on and can ruin time at home with my dd. Try to ignore emails and phone calls form work when you are home (I know easier said than done) but try and I will try too - I think this will make a difference to how you are feeling.

I understand your worry about giving up work altogether - could you work even less hours given (I think) that money is not too much of a probbie, this way, with further reduced hours you are keeing your oar in if you like - showing continuity of work experience. I'd love to be in your position and able to be at home with out working - I didn't get bored when on Mat leave and if I could stop work now I could pursue 3 or four really exciting ideas I have to work for myself / self employment - do you something similar that could inspire you and your time if you gave up work altogether and hope you start to feel better real soon, I've not experienced pnd but would days run more smoothly if you set up a routine so same thing for brekkie each morning - fruit toast and any cereal for you all so you don't agonise over making decisions - or just tell me to shut if solutions really aren't that simple - take care

interesting and helpful hm. have been on steala's other thread (same subject) in chat. i cldnt come up with anything as good. is a difficult one. really agree that its the constant seepage / intrusion into family life thats a real downer.

Thank you for all your good advice. I know I am lucky.

Thank you

Steala