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Original poster

cold stew and microwaved fishfingers

40 replies

tanzie · 13/01/2004 20:59

I came home from work early today to discover nanny giving children cold chicken casserole - that was it, straight from the fridge to their plates. I was furious and suggested that she heat it up. She just said "They like it cold" and carried on, whereupon I said "Please heat it up. The weather is cold and this is their main meal of the day and I would like them to have hot food." She did, but she wasn't happy about it. Last week I caught her microwaving fishfingers "because it's quicker". I told her to either grill or fry them, but I know she is taking absolutely no notice as DD1 told me. Am I being unreasonable? She also didn't bother clearing the table, just plonked their supper on top of the painting they had been doing. And it's all still there now...

OP posts:

JanH · 13/01/2004 21:03

Oh dear. What is she doing with the time that she's saving by not warming/cooking things/clearing the table? Not a lot, I bet. This is the sort of thing that one might do oneself occasionally (hands up here!) but doesn't expect someone paid to do the job to do. I think you are going to have to have a Serious Talk, tanzie.

Original poster

tanzie · 13/01/2004 21:16

She is watching daytime TV or sitting with her nose in Hello magazine. I have had Serious Talks until they are coming out of my ears. The next day, I come back to a fantastically tidy house, but the day after that, we are back to Square One. I don't mind doing some stuff at all, eg I do cook for them, all she has to do (in theory!) is heat it up. I had hoped (eg asked her) to cook spuds/pasta/rice to go with it, but this would definitely seem to be in the Much Too Much Effort area.

I have a temp nanny coming to cover her matl, who is willing to be permanent if need be, and we like each other. If she is better than this, the job will be hers! I cannot sack Lazy Nanny while she is preg, and understand that she will be slower or there will be things she cannot do. Her contract covers general housework, but I don't expect her to clean windows or do anything heavy anyway, just a bit of dusting - DD1 hoovers! - and keeping the place generally clean and tidy. I am happy to turn a blind eye to a bit of dust (I am a bit of a slut anyway!) but don't expect to come home from work and start clearing away kids' supper things while she watches Holby city.

But it is the food thing that is really getting up my nose!!

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JanH · 13/01/2004 21:22

Oh god - tough situation! Where do you stand legally re sacking pregnant/new mummy nanny?

Anyway no, you are not being unreasomable, she is taking the piss (from things I've read on here quite a few nannies seem to do this?) Can you give her a specific warning re temp nanny getting the job over her? Would it make any difference to her attitude?

Original poster

tanzie · 13/01/2004 21:34

I cannot legally sack her until one month after her matl has finished. If she was good, I wouldn't dream of doing so, but she is lazy and has abused my trust (all on another thread here). I will tell her that she must take her month's annual leave (if she doesn't improve) straight after her matl (her contract obliges her to take her leave when it is convenient to us - in theory she gets 4 weeks annual leave, but usually ends up with 7 or 8 - all paid). Then after that I can pay her one month's wages and give her her notice.

I don't think I'm an evil employer - I'm still in close contact with my DDs' previous 2 nannies, and have to say have never had this sort of problem before.

Her attitude of late is not helpful. I told her she could have an extra week's leave at Christmas, but we needed her to come back to work on 2 Jan. She asked if she "really had to" come in that day - no thanks for the extra week's leave. Also neither thanks nor acknowledgement of Xmas pressie and no card for the girls

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codswallop · 13/01/2004 22:07

Obv this is awful - cnat you pay her off somehow?

how old is your eldest ? cant she kick up?

Original poster

tanzie · 13/01/2004 22:30

I can't pay her off (eg pay her her MATL pay now) - have taken legal advice on this. And would have financial difficulties in doing so. DD1 is five. I asked her tonight if she liked cold stew, and she said "Well, I think it's better hot really, mummy". I asked her the other week about fish fingers - I grilled them, and she said E always did them in the mircowave and they were "all soft and floppy".

I just think whatever I ask her to do or not to do, as soon as I'm out of the house she will do exactly as she pleases. I asked her what she was going to do with her baby when she had it, and she said she was going to bring it to work with her. I said, under no circumstances, but i can just see her DH appearing with it as soon as we are out the door and leaving 5 minutes before we come home. Her DH used to spend every day at our house - without our consent/knowledge (DD1 spilled the beans) but has not been seen since I read the riot act.

I just don't feel I can trust her any more. She goes on MATL next month

OP posts:

JanH · 13/01/2004 22:37

tanzie, I really feel for you in this situation. How awful for you to have to go to work wondering if your kids are being cared for as you would wish and suspecting not. This nanny sounds awful. (Microwaved fish fingers must be so disgusting!)

Good luck, m'dear. Hope you can boot her out ASAP!

Gilli · 13/01/2004 22:41

Tanzie - she's taking you for a ride, and I would sack her if she worked for me as soon as I legally could. I hope you can sort it out as I know what awful extra stress it must be for you and the girls.

Festivefly · 13/01/2004 22:43

Microwave fish fingers, no no no

popsycal · 13/01/2004 22:46

Microwaved fish fingers?
I agree with the other posters.....when you legally can. get rid of her!
You must be comfortable with who you leave yor kids with

tealady · 13/01/2004 22:54

I do not think you are being unreasonable at all! I would be scared that she is so uncaring about the childrens needs and has so little respect for you or them. Can you trust her to care for them when you are not there? What about installing a hidden webcam to monitor her while you are not there? Poor you being in this awful position.

Original poster

tanzie · 13/01/2004 22:55

FF - personally, I think the cold stew is worse

I am trying to take as much leave as I can here and there - have found arriving home unannounced in the afternoon is helpful. We have very odd house on three floors, and if you are on 1st or 2nd floor you cannot hear someone letting themself in. The other day when came home found DDs happily painting in the kitchen with nanny nowhere to be seen. She emerged from her room after about 15 mins, saying she needed a rest. I asked her to rest on same floor as DDs were (nothing to stop her having a lie down on sofa, from which she can keep an eye on kids).

I somehow feel that new nanny cannot be this idle. Will be taking 2 weeks leave anyway to settle her into job - and to explain that microwave CAN be used for heating up stew, but not for heating fish fingers

OP posts:

alibubbles · 14/01/2004 09:32

I think it is wrong that you can't sack her when she is on maternity leave, depsite the fact that she is not doing her job properly. She is failing in her duty to care for your children in accordance with your wishes, surely that is grounds for dismissal, pregnant or not?

I feel for you and your children and hope things get better soon.

aloha · 14/01/2004 09:57

How old is your youngest? I think going into a different room in a different floor for a MINIMUM of fifteen minutes, max...how long? is just totally unacceptable in someone you pay to be with your children. I would seriously think about a nannycam - I think her attitude is worrying.

jmg · 14/01/2004 09:57

Tanzie

I know there are difficulties in paying off the nanny when on mat leave. However, you do not have to accept her coming back afterwards if she wants to bring the baby with her. Not sure whetehr she is planning to do this.

As regards not being able to pay mat leave in one go, you do actually get paid the mat leave by the Inland Revenue in one go, usually at the start of their maternity leave period.

Having accepted our nanny back with her child, after mat leave I would quite honestly say I would never do this again. And she was an excellent nanny before she had her own child!

As a small employer you will be refunded 105% of the maternity leave costs, up front.

Whilst you may not be able to sack her, you can at least be very very firm about the way you want things done.

SoupDragon · 14/01/2004 09:57

I find it incredible that,simply because they're pregnant, you can't sack someone for being incompetant. It's utterly absurd!

I'd start giving her written warnings now stating clearly what is going to happen if she doesn't buck her ideas up. I assume you're allowed to do that?

Marina · 14/01/2004 10:03

Goodness Tanzie, I know of a nanny who was sacked because she declined to wash the baby's things after a very messy nappy incident.
This woman sounds as though she has had an attitude problem since before she got pregnant and you sound like a very reasonable employer.
You don't mention what your children think of her...are they especially close?
Can't advise you on the legal side of things but although I am not usually a huge fan of the webcam thing I think in your circumstances it might be worth considering. Pregnant or not, she is not doing her job properly. It might be uncomfortable for any of us as mothers to consider sacking a pregnant woman, but...

codswallop · 14/01/2004 10:24

Tanzie, I cnat get this out of my head

Is she likely to sue you?

annh · 14/01/2004 17:48

Tanzie, I seem to remember from another thread that you are living abroad. This is presumably why you cannot fire your nanny while she is pregnant because it is certainly not impossible to fire pregnant employees in the UK, although it is more difficult. However, she sounds just awful, surely there must be something you can do? If you have already taken legal advice on getting rid of her while pregnant, can you get some more advice on firing her for not doing her duties?

Blu · 14/01/2004 17:54

How can you be forced to employ someone who is not looking after your children properly, just because she is pregnant? (given that the dereliction of duty is not connected to the pregnancy)

Original poster

tanzie · 14/01/2004 21:48

DH is away at the moment, so this doesn't help matters. I told him tonight on the phone and he exploded, and said we should make a list, with dates, of all the things she has/hasn't done, including this - which I have been thinking about all day and also the little matter of asking her to provide evidence that her maternity costs will be covered by her medical insurance, which hasn't been forthcoming, plus the fact that she was supposed to show us her DH's passport to prove he is not here illegally. He MUST be here illegally - either that, or the baby isn't his, as it was clearly conceived when he was supposed to be back in his home country, despite her protestations to the contrary (hey I may not be great at maths, but I can count!).

Because of the law here, it is very difficult to fire a pregnant woman, even if they are not doing their duties. Firm also worried about any repercussions if she kicks up a stink/threatens to sue/goes to the press. I don't think she will, as it would draw attention to her DH's illegal status here.

Her ID card/work permit expires when she is on MATL anyway. I will resign myself to paying her MATL and sacking her as soon as I can, and taking as much leave as possible in the interim.

I've been thinking about the cold stew all day - and this probably means she has been feeding it to them for the past two years as well. Not a happy thought - my poor girls...

OP posts:

jasper · 14/01/2004 22:30

Tanzie, I know only too well that employees rights, particularly pregnant employees rights are a minefield but surely this does not mean you cannot go through the usual legal process of dismissal just because she is pregnant? If that were the case she could get away with ANYTHING just because she is pregnant, which she clearly can't. SHe is employed to do the most important job in the world and she is failing at it. Your children are potentially at risk. If anyone had a case to go to the papers, it's you.
Please look again into sacking her NOW.
This must be tearing you up inside.

Original poster

tanzie · 14/01/2004 22:50

Jasper, yes it is tearing me up. DH is home on Friday, so will discuss with him then. Think he should sit down with me and talk to her about how we would like her work to improve, and bring to her attention the things we want her to do better/differently. She won't answer questions she doesn't want to, just clams up, stares at the wall, doesn't answer.

I also think her baby is due sooner than 1 April - think she came up with this date as she thought it tied in with her holiday back home (but it doesn't). If she goes for another 2 1/2 months, I will be very surprised. I asked her to provide me with a note from her doc, giving her EDD, but he just seems to have written down what she suggested. If he had gone by when she told me her LMP was, it would have been due a month later. I know I sound nasty and suspicious, but I think its arrival is imminent, and she will claim it is 2 months early. Several of my neighbours have also been very surprised when I have said she still has another two months to go. I know some people do get enormous, but if she carries on at this rate she won't be able to stand up soon!

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Batters · 15/01/2004 11:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

tanzie · 15/01/2004 22:51

Batters, thanks. Me too. Will discuss with DH over the weekend and we wil thrash it out next week. Am still angry.

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