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Original poster

Going back - cant imagine how

10 replies

lainey1234 · 19/12/2012 17:36

I took on a new role, and promotion early in my pregnancy- boss knew i was pregnant. I was adamant about going back to work and could never imagine not working. Now my Little man is here I don't want to go back and can't imagine how I can leave him. I'm feeling so guilty (and naive) for taking the promotion and thinking I'd be ok with it all. I've been into visit my colleagues a few times and its clear they are eager to have me back ASAP. Cutting down to 3 days is an option, but my contract is full time only with the new role, additional responsibilities would have to be relinquished and a loss of salary etc. what an idiot to think leaving my baby in nursery would be easy. I feel so torn now. Massive guilt on both sides :(

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 19/12/2012 17:41

You could go back full time as planned but then start negotiating fewer hours.

BlackSwan · 19/12/2012 21:19

Your colleagues want you back... see if they are prepared to negotiate. Try to find a balance which will mean spending as much time with both as possible. If you know in your heart of hearts that f/t isn't going to work for you as a mum, then tell them now. I'm assuming of course that you can afford to work less than full time.

You're not the first and you won't be the last woman to underestimate how hard it will be to leave your baby to go back to work (not that it is for everyone). It's a life changing experience and you can't know in advance how you will feel about it.

Good luck with sorting out your options.

Original poster
lainey1234 · 20/12/2012 04:57

Yes. Thankfully we could just about manage financially if I worked 3 days.

I just feel so foolish having made such a strong case that I would be returning f/t. I've always been so work focused and now it couldn't be further down my priority list. I'm shocked by the strength of my own feelings tbh.

OP posts:
slightlysoupstainedbabygrows · 20/12/2012 19:00

How long have you got till you go back? I can't imagine working f/t at the moment (and I have always been pretty obsessive about work), but I think this is because my son is still so tiny, and I hope it'll feel easier when he's a bit older and doesn't need me for everything.

I went for promotion whilst pregnant but didn't get it - I don't know how I'd have felt now if I had. The job would really have needed full-time so in a way I'm glad I went for it (because it's made it clear I'm interested), but also glad I didn't get it - I do still want to do it, but not yet, IYSWIM. Is that true for you - i.e. do you think that you will want the new role eventually, just not yet?

Good luck with your discussions. It sounds like your colleagues/boss really value you, so hopefully you'll be able to arrange something.

Bear in mind that the promotion might easily have gone to someone who then decided to emigrate/take another better paid job/got hit by a winning lottery ticket etc! People move on all the time, for all sorts of reasons, and a good manager will accept that life happens. Your reason for wanting to step back is no less valid than any of the other possible reasons.

HoleyGhost · 20/12/2012 19:03

How old is your baby?

scottishmummy · 24/12/2012 01:08

lose the mummy guilt,it's not inevitable and you dont need that burden
you're putting baby in nursery not gulag.I'd go back ft initially negotiate pt if want
try retain option of FT if you want it,have you tried any trial time at nursery

ShrekTh3Halls · 24/12/2012 01:45

i was in senior management and went back after all three of my dc on full time contract but having accrued tons of annual leave i used at least a day of it every week to reduce my hours. I then (several months later) negotiated flexible working - then in its infancy tbh and got myself a work at home day. in theory i worked at my computer and did all the admin. in reality i always had my work mobile on and did most of my extra work in the evenings when baby was in bed, giving myself some flexible time on the wfh day. Think of all options and don't automatically assume no mother has had a new senior post and made it back after mat leave....it's doable, honestly. and I'm a wuss Grin

yummymumtobe · 30/12/2012 21:33

Don't make any decisions yet - your feelings may change. Until my dd was 11 months I couldn't even imagine ever going back but by 13 months I felt ready. Dd is now 17 months and I really like working 3 days - perfect balance between home and work. I know women who have up work and now regret it and trying to find part time jobs! Toddlers are hard work too. Being with a baby is lovely and relaxing but by the time they are running around they are very tiring and so work is a break! Also, being at (the right) nursery is great for their development and socialising. It is fun for them as they do lots of activities, play and get really well looked after. I used to think that nursery was somehow leaving your child, but actually they get south out of it.

LibraryMum8 · 06/01/2013 03:41

You are too hard on yourself! I know you feel bad about taking the promotion, but if you truly want to stay home your baby will only be little once. I suppose you could always try it out, but if you truly don't want to go back I'd prepare a honest speech that the job simply won't work for your family. Don't feel guilty. When companies want to get rid of someone they don't think twice. Good luck!

HappyAsASandboy · 06/01/2013 06:32

I agree with Shrek. If you once loved your job, use accrued annual leave to ease your way back in and then see how you feel and whether work will be flexible. It is doable, though it is daunting to commit yourself and them have to work it all out!

With acrued annual leave in your pocket, you don't have to make any decisions yet ....

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