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what do you do with a nasty boss?

24 replies

stitch · 05/04/2006 11:59

if your boss constantly offers nothing but negative criticism. never offers the least recognition of a job well done. ignores you in front of your team. belittle s your opinion.
how would you deal with such aa person?

leaving the job is not an ioption

OP posts:
compo · 05/04/2006 12:00

do you have an appraisal? Could you tell them the way they make you feel? Is there a personnel or human resources department where you work? Can you go over there heads to a higher boss and complain?

stitch · 05/04/2006 12:02

no such luck compo Sad

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compo · 05/04/2006 12:04

so my 3 ideas are all no good?

waterfalls · 05/04/2006 12:06

Dont you have an HR manager?

compo · 05/04/2006 12:06

are you sure looking for a new job isn't an option?

desperateSCOUSEwife · 05/04/2006 12:09

pour piss in his cuppa

waterfalls · 05/04/2006 12:09

Have you tried confronting him/her? You usually find these people are'nt as big as they like to think they are, and a calm confrontation may well put them in their place.

stitch · 05/04/2006 12:12

thankyou all for your advice.
im trying to get a different perspective on all this.
the boss in question is dh. so no appraisals. no hr department. and only higher boss would be mil, and dont know if she'd be much good.
i like the piss in his coffee idea.

OP posts:
stitch · 05/04/2006 12:13

confronting him usually ends with me mega upset and in tears. thought id see how pretending he was a nasty boss would work

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waterfalls · 05/04/2006 12:13

Right, then belittle him back, tell him he has bad management skills, and as a result you have no respect for him.

CountessDracula · 05/04/2006 12:14

is he your boss?

edam · 05/04/2006 12:17

That is awkward. Does he actually realise how he is treating you? Does he treat other people the same way?

My approach would probably be to book a proper meeting with him - make it formal with a time and place in his diary so he realises this is important - and spell out to him exactly what he is doing and what impact it is having. Try to use assertive but not aggressive language and be very specific about what is happening and keep it very strictly on a professional level, not getting into your personal relationship.

Do appreciate that it will be much harder to do than it is to advise. But only approach I can think of within your constraints.

compo · 05/04/2006 12:18

I would still think about getting another job tbh. Work and home don't mix very well ime

stitch · 05/04/2006 12:18

no cd, of course he's not my boss! Smile
im just rtrying to find a method of living my life with him, and not always constantly mega upset. iyswim
waterfalls, that is my current strategy, but i dont think it is working.

although i think he thinks he should be my boss

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edam · 05/04/2006 12:19

What I'm trying to get at is, have a professional approach exactly as you would with any other boss. Write down the points you want to make and work out what you want to happen as a result. In detail. Eg give specific examples where he has undermined you in front of your team, and spell out how you want that to change (eg 'if you want to bring up something that is going wrong, speak to me first in private, not in front of my team'). And arrange a follow-up meeting a week later where you can review progress.

compo · 05/04/2006 12:21

I'm so confused. Are you talking about your relationship or do you, your dh and your MIL actually work together?

MrsBadger · 05/04/2006 12:22

Let them know how you feel.

If they've done any sort of management training (which I realise they may not have) they'll have done this kind of thing, and if you use the right buzzwords you should get the right response.

Make an appointment to see them and give it the non-accusatory "I feel..." treatment eg I don't feel that you support me as part of the team, I feel that my contributions are not valued etc. Keep it v professional though.
You're not saying that they don't value you, merely that you don't feel they do - gives them an oppotunity to solve it without losing face (very important to this kind of power-mad boss).

Relate it to how efficiently/well you work eg I find that recognition motivates me to perform better, that I get more from my team if they feel I have your support.

Suggest that s/he offers constructive criticism eg I know you didn't like the way I handled XXX, would it be possible to have some guidance on how you would like such things handled.
Ask for formal training (eg a course) on particular sticking points.

I have a difficult and power-mad boss, but I find playing her at her own game can really help. Once you work out what it is s/he needs (fawning, recognition, backchat etc), you can do whatever it is and keep them happy, which is half the battle.
Mine keeps coming up with completely nutty ideas, so I implement them for a test period, suggest 'improvements' (sometimes complete inversions), then tell her what a wonderful idea it was that she came up with.
She's happy because she thinks she had a great idea, I'm happy because I got the best bits of it but not the silly bits, harmony reigns.

Good luck!

MrsBadger · 05/04/2006 12:24

(Doh, teach me to write a long post and not check the developing thread! think some of the points are still applicable though...)

edam · 05/04/2006 12:28

Doh! So it's not a family business, it is about your personal life? Well, setting it up like a business meeting might still help... and setting a specific time for you to discuss this on your own, and setting another one to catch up a few weeks later, could be useful.

fuzzywuzzy · 05/04/2006 12:29

Go on strike

compo · 05/04/2006 12:36

okay, if this is about your marriage I'd think seriously about Relate. Belittling you in front of the kids, criticising you and ignoring you doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me

CountessDracula · 05/04/2006 13:07

You can't approach your marriage like a job. A marriage is a partnership, not an employee/employer relationship. Or at least it shouldn't be.

If it is, ie if my boss was treating me like that, I would talk to him and if he continued I would leave and sue for constructive dismissal.

MrsBadger · 05/04/2006 13:08

Nb the fact you cast DH as your boss says something, and I'm not sure it's a good something. He's not the boss of you - you're a team!

stitch · 05/04/2006 15:43

i like all the ideas of trying to deal with it like a professional situation, and using the buzzwords.
my marriage is seriously screwed up. as cod says, 'why do you continue to live with this man?' im just trying to figure out a constructive way of doing so.
thank you all for your supportive messages.

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