worried sick

[katierocket]

I'm so worried about work/money. To cut long story short - I am freelance but tend to get rolling retained contract work, for 12 months or ongoing. DP is also freelance but his work is much more uncertain and individual project based. Anyway, I have come to end of one contract and DP has managed to cut through tendon on thumb (cutting up christmas tree - don't ask) which makes it very difficult for him to find work.

I'm so scared - for the first time - it's a very real possibility that we might not be able to pay mortgage, DS's nursery fees etc. I can't beleive that we're in this situation and (if I'm truthful) I feel a bit resentful towards him (unfair and irrational I know but I think some of it is because I would really like another baby at some point this year and that seems like an impossiblity at the moment).

I have a few possible jobs on the horizon but nothing definite. Woke up last night in panic, we have no savings and I feel like crying. I don't know what we can do.

I'm not going to give you glib advice but I do know from my own experience as a freelance that Something Usually Turns Up.

How soon will you know about anything definite? can you chase? Any possible new areas to market yourself? Any work going of a less interesting sort/worse paid but will keep wolf from door?

I felt DEEPLY resentful towards DP when I took four months off on maternity leave and he wasn't able to fund me at all - he has regular job but brings in less than I do. Boy was I resentful.

Katierocket, make an appointment with your bank manager and explain the situation to him/ her- I'm sure that they would be able to help with a loan to tide you over until you or dp can find work. They would much rather know about the problem now, than later when the debts have already mounted up. Look into the terms of your mortgage , it may be possible for you to take a "payment holiday" for a few months. If your dp isn't working, would he be able to look after ds, to save nursery fees? (You may have to pay a retainer, so you don't lose his place). Does dp know how long his thumb will be out of action? Have you any idea of the timescale involved?

Well I do have two possible new contracts but waiting to hear really - if they don't happen then I will need to look for something else which I'm sure I could get but not immediately - maybe 3 months or so. Agree motherinferior that something does usually turn up but I'm concerned that we can't wait to find out.

Suppose I'm feeling sorry for myself but somehow I feel that this is not the life I wanted or expected. I don't want to be worrying about paying the mortgage at 32 years old. If we take DS out of nursery we will lose his place which I don't want. I'm just sick of thinking about money and there is a part of me that resents DP for not being keeping me and DS 'secure' (there I admitted it - how ridiculous a notion is that).

Katierocket so sorry to hear about your worry and stress and situation. Have you talked to the nursery? Perhaps they would be willing to have him one day a week for a couple of months to ease your finances but keep his place there? also- not sure what your skills are, but in the past I have temped for a couple of months (am actually tri-lingual and sales/marketing trained) which hasn't been cash is king, but has kept the wolf from the door- usually have started doing goafer work but after a day or 2 the companies have realised i have a brain (seriously deluded ) and given me more interesting stuff to do. not sure if this is helpful but you have lots of cyber support here x

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Don't panic, please. Worries like this can just get out of hand I know, sorry they're getting to you. Apart from all the good advice so far, are you sure you wouldn't be able to afford things? If your income drops you'll get more tax credits (ha I know but..).

If you or your partner couldn't work for a bit, would you need to pay all the nursery fees, could you renegotiate/consider moving your boy to a different nursery?

Certainly speak to your mortgage lender sooner rather than later.

Will your partner really be out of work for to long? Sory if he will but things may not be so bad if it's only a month or so.

Things do turn up though, just think confidently and calmly. Best of luck.

Agree with Tinker - speak to your mortgage lender as soon as possible BEFORE there is a problem. That is your first priority. Mortgage lenders are, on the whole, very sympathetic as long as they are kept informed. They may offer you a payment holiday until DP can work again. Could you cut DS down to just mornings on a couple of days? I was in this situation with my first marriage (although we had no kids thank god) and I felt very resentful too, I think it is natural to expect your partner to help and support you even if you earn more or whatever - it's genetic! Take care and try not to worry - it'll all work out in the end and you'll be wondering how you ever got this upset over it

My husband quit a well-paid job last year to work on his own start-up company that (surprise, surprise) hasn't made any money. DH hasn't really come up with any other significant ways to earn money, but he is now quite sick of looking after kids for me, at least, and desperately wants to be an ordinary employee, again. I have moaned much about it all on MNet. Thank goodness we have savings, I have an ordinary job and am in the middle of a 3 year contract, although it's not really enough income and we dip into savings much more than I would like. So while not as tight as your situation, KRocket, I relate quite a lot to the part about resenting your DH for not doing better.

One thing that helped us a lot, should have said, was switching to a good childminder instead of nursery -- cut down on the childcare bill quite a lot! And now I am thinking to work weekends if DH suddenly does get a 'real' full-time paying job, since DH curently does a lot of my child-minding, & we won't be able to get enough other childcare quickly enough for me to keep working, otherwise.

katierocket - I know how you feel. Dp and I are both freelance too and sometimes I hate it. If I'm not worrying about where next month's rent is coming from, I'm worrying about dp having a nervous breakdown due to all the ridiculously unreasonable deadlines he works to.

Anyway, you may have thought of these things but:

• sign on. Hopefully you won't be out of work for long, but you never know. Your dp should be able to get statutory sick pay. If you're both signing on you should also be able to get some housing benefit to pay the mortgage (at least you used to be able to - I'm in Spain now so out of the picture a bit)

• what are the temp agencies like in your line of work? Dp's temping is where we originally got most of our clients from. If there isn't any work there you could try secretarial/general office temping for a bit.

• talk to your bank and mortgage lender.

• spend the time learning a new work skill. It takes your mind off it!

thank you, thank you for all the advice and suggestions - I never really considered that mortgage people might be more sympathetic than just slapping on a default or selling house!
stressyhead - it's nice to know I'm not the only one that feels that way about DH/DP - we recently cashed in our one and only savings plan which I had brought to the partnership (so to speak) and it's really hard to be grown up about it and not feel a bit asthough it's MY money.

Feel a bit better now - nightimes are always worse aren't they.
I'm not sure if we'd could sign on - I guess DP could with sick pay (hadn't even thought of that) but how does it work if you are self-employed?
Must work on resentful feelings though - it's weird isn't it, you think you're into equality and my logical, rational self knows it's daft but there is a part of me that thinks "You should have a secure job that pays good money because you're a MAN". Figures crossed anyway, had new business meeting today so maybe something will come of that.

katie - you can sign on as a self-employed person and it's reasonably straightforward - dp spent several months of his first self-employed year on the dole. You can't backdate it though so I suggest you go and make an appt. at the job centre soon.

But hopefully you won't need it - good luck with that other job!

If as a free lancer you are actually Self employed then as long as you are advertising and trying to get business for at least 16 hrs a week then you may be eligible for WTC. It is calculated on your yearly income (for both of you) but your anticipanted low income 'may' put you where you can clAIM (However not for childcare costs - as hubby is not working)
why not phone them 08453003900 and ask?