About to lose job, ashamed, no confidence

[jcj1]

Hi,
Bit of context. Been at my current company 7 years. Well known organisation, 1 year out for maternity and 2 and a bit years back on 3 days a week. Reached level of seniority I'm happy with - not managing a team but highest I could be short of doing that and well paid. Commute 2.5 hours a day. I love the company but have always felt the role I'm doing ( salesy and I'm a bit of an introvert) is not so well suited to me. I've done if for about 12 years all in and managed to get by and be reasonably successful by working hard and being very conscientios but essentially this type of work drains me. As I work in a large corporate I had been planning to try and move sideways into something more appropriate for me
Anyway.. since coming back from mat leave I've been struggling with my performance grades - not continually bad but I've just had another bad one and now the alarm bells are going off. I don't feel I'm any worse at my job - probably better but the expectations from the company have risen sharply, the job has evolved a lot into something that is even less suited to me and the organisation environment has become quite brutal - lots of people being 'performance managed out'. It's also a hard role to do part-time as client facing and I feel I'm always on the back foot and missing important meetings/trainings.

I'm basically on my last chance now - reach the goals they set me in the next 2 months or I"m out. I've also been told there is no chance of me changing roles for the foreseeable future due to this situation.
I feel ashamed, depressed and my self-confidence is at rock bottom - which doesn't help in the role I'm in.
My question is do I quit now with a bit of dignity or fight it to the bitter end or struggle to keep up, hang on to my job a bit longer and then face the same situation again?
DP thinks I should hand in my notice, take a year off until the kids start school next September and try and find something else then. We could just about manage it by using savings and making drastic cuts.
Thing is I'm 41 an worried about being out of the job market. We are not married so giving up my financial independence would be a big thing. I'm worried about the psychological effect of losing that, and my 'status', independence, freedom - not to mention the security I feel from private healthcare, pension and other benefits.
I just feel sick all the time at the moment, like a real failure and more and more depressed.
Sorry for the waffle I just don't know what to do next.

I may be missing something obvious, but why don't you look straight away for another job doing something that you do want to do? Is it your current lack of self-confidence? I don't see that spending a year as a SAHM will necessarily help you feel more confident when you start looking for jobs.

You say that you're capable, but that the role has changed to something that you would never have applied for in the first place. Because you're capable and hard-working, you've managed to do a role that doesn't make best use of your talents, but the company is now trying to cut staff numbers without paying out redundancy money, and putting the pressure on you as a result. Shitty, but certainly not unheard of, and does not have anything to do with your talents.

If you start looking for jobs straight away, your CV will be bang up to date, you'll probably get a good reference from your employers, and if anyone asks, you'll be able to say 'my current role's changed so it doesn't fit what I want to do'. And as soon as you start looking for new jobs, the odds are that the situation at work will feel much more bearable.

Thanks for your very positive reply. Main reasons I haven't applied for jobs outside the company is that I'd have to apply for full time jobs and at the moment I'm finding it difficult to find full time childcare - also really don't want to work full time ( but would if had to). A full time job elsewhere would probably pay less than the part-time I have now does and I'd have to pay more childcare. Also I want to move out of sales and I always thought it's easier to either change jobs or companies but not both at the same time! Within my industry I am working at one of the 'best' companies there is
Just reading what I'm writing though make me realise how low in confidence I am! I think I'm scared of applying for other jobs as I think no-one will want me..

Hmm - what are you 'really'? I mean, before your job turned into sales. I'm wondering whether it's the kind of thing where you can move back and forth reasonably easily, or where having done sales as well as your 'real' role is a positive advantage.

The thing about sales is that it is well paid, though!