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Original poster

anyone else feel their career sidelined overnight after birth of 2nd??

35 replies

MissChief · 30/03/2006 11:11

..or is it just me? Unlikely, I'm sure!
Seemingly overnight upon ds2's birth we've gone from being dual career couple with 1 kid (though p/t my job was senior) to me becoming by default a SAHM of 2.. Meanwhile dh's career has really been taking off and I don't feel 7 mths on that I've actually had time to properly take stock or choose whether or not to be a SAHM. I'm probably being overly precious and guess this feeling is normal in the post-natal craziness of life.
I'm pleased for dh as he's very ambitious and wants to succeed but he's now v reliant on me to pick up the pieces as it were, deal with stuff/ school drops etc that previously we might have shared more..just waffling really, not after advice as such just any thoughts from others would be good to hear.. Just to clarify I'm currently still on mat leave and in 2 minds (at least!) about whether to go back.

OP posts:

Original poster

MissChief · 30/03/2006 12:58

so who do you outsource to as it were??

OP posts:

foxinsocks · 30/03/2006 13:04

I do think this is common misschief

I gave up work after no. 2 (for a myriad of reasons, I didn't actually want to but had to at the time). I would love to go back now but unfortunately, dh's career has taken off and he's doing v well. But that means trips abroad, long hours and not necessarily that much more money.

If I went back to work we would have to have a nanny because I could not rely on dh to help (not because he doesn't want to but the nature of his job). I will go back later this year but I won't be making any money for a few years until I am back to the same stage in my career as I was when I gave up work.

I think one of the most key things is whether your dh appreciates what you do at home. Dh is in total admiration of me staying at home with the kids and completely acknowledges to me (and to others) that if it hadn't been for me being at home, there's no way he would have been able to put the effort into his career (which he loves).

hovely · 30/03/2006 13:44

one small point then I must do some work..
actually, MissChief, I don't agree that it's only your salary to look at re whether a nanny (or indeed, any other kind of childcare) is reasonable or affordable.
it affects your household income both now and in the future, and it affects the wellbeing of all of you, so it is a decision to weigh up against combined income/job & parenting satisfaction for both of you.
I just about earn enough to cover a nanny's costs now, and some months it is under that amount, but as a result in a few years' time I will be able to earn substantially more and have proper job security.

WideWebWitch · 30/03/2006 13:45

agree with hovely re decision and salary, it will affect both of you for some time to come.

hovely · 30/03/2006 13:47

as some journalists frequently seem to need reminding, the cost of having children is not the cost of the babygros, it is the enormous loss of earnings and pension entitlement by parents who don't earn what they would have done otherwise. usually mothers.

WideWebWitch · 30/03/2006 13:48

£250k I think is the figure usually used. More than that if you're in a higher tax bracket.

hovely · 30/03/2006 13:49

should say not 'simply' the cost of the babygros, I didn't mean to underestimate the financial impact of things you have to buy especially on a modest income.

SomethingAboutMary · 30/03/2006 13:49

Career? Whats that then??

fennel · 30/03/2006 13:53

250K was the average figure lost by the average woman who had two children, compared to those who had no children, about 10 years ago. it'll be more now.

there are quite a few studies that show how women's careers nosedive after the second child. The cost of childcare for two children is also more than the average woman's earnings, so that's when many women give up work totally.

am not convinced that it's a "big fat lie" that women can have equality in the workplace. Men who want to work flexibly or part time face the same sort of discrimination, often more. DP (male) works part time and finds it far harder to get part time work, and respect for it, than I do.

Corrin · 03/04/2006 20:55

Its been great reading these messages. Am mum of 2 now and was made redundant on maternity leave from a very well paid job (which I had returned to p/t after 1st). DS now 1 and this all finished end Jan...got good redund pay (due to me appealing it on basis of v bad job done of it and...oh, against the law...) However, all but small amount now gone on mortgage and now wondering what to do next.

Not sure I will be happy to be SAHM with no outside interest/work. Am used to having own independence, respect and everything else that goes with having a good job...that I've worked really hard for.
Been to recruitment consultancy this morning...bit depressing when talk of no part-time work for my level (have to pay childcare)..then came home and had bad pm with kids which resulted in early bed time!
I would just love to come to a decision on what was going to make me happy long-term, because then I know I'd focus on it 110%. Trouble is at the moment this 'opportunity' that everyone telling me redundancy is, is just brought up more questions than anything else..

Anyway, nice to read that others have been going through the same thoughts as me in the last couple of days...

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