Had a row with the nanny - am I right or going mad?

[CountessDingDongDrac]

I have been really ill lately with Glandular Fever, my nanny has been ill too but they don't know what's wrong, maybe gallstones but the good old NHS taking forever to investigate.

She took a weeks holiday over xmas and DH promptly did his back in. I can't look after her on my own as I am just so tired and have been told that if I don't rest I won't get better. So for 3 days she stayed down with my PILs and then came back yesterday. I didn't want to call on the nanny as she was on holiday and obviously needed the rest, she has a dd of her own who I thought she would want to spend time with and also I needed her to be fit for next week when she comes back to work.

So, I arranged for dd to go to a local childminder that we both know for a couple of days. I spoke to the nanny tonight and she has thrown a total wobbler, said that she should have first refusal looking after dd and that she needed the money and would have done it, told me that I was out of order for not asking her first. I explained my reasons but she wouldn't accept them. So she is in a right strop with me and I don't think I've done anything wrong.

TBH I am so fried at the moment that I am not thinking clearly and keep having rows with people so I could be in the wrong, but I kind of think it's up to ME who looks after my dd and also I did it for the right reasons. I would be pretty pissed off if my work called on me during my holidays, and if I had mentioned it to her I thought she would think I was implying that she should come in which I didn't want.

Any opinions?

Have not read the other replies but it's one thing for her to say "you should have called me" ( very nice response) but quite another for her to say "YOU SHOULD HAVE CALLED ME!" (not a very nice response)
This kind of unexpected interpersonal conflict always seems so much worse when you are ill.
I do hope you feel better soon and get it all sorted out.
Maybe least said, soonest mended?

Thanks for the advice Issymum, I am feeling much better today (though yesterday and saturday not good), it does seem to be very up and down and as long as I don't have to do anything much or have rows with anyone I'm ok. If it does get worse I will definitely go and see the doctor though.

Nanny arrived this am and she was lovely, I have told her to think about what she wants/needs in the way of a salary rise or other change of conditions and we will talk about it tonight. I really don't want to lose her, esp after 4 days of a childminder, leaving dd crying every day is horrible and I don't want to have to get a new nanny if possible as she is so happy with this one.

Message withdrawn

I think first refusal were my words not hers! She actually said that as she is dd's main carer other than dh and I that she should be given the opportunity to look after her before I send her to a childminder (still my decision IMO!!)

Oh CD, it sounds as if you've had a right roller coaster of a few months. Just to say that I hope the discussion with your nanny goes well tonight.

Just one thought: does your nanny know you are pg? (have I got that right or is it a figment of my festivity-addled imagination?) I understand from chatting with our nanny that pregnancy is a time of big job uncertainty for nannies as they don't know if they will be retained throughout the next maternity leave period, so if that is unresolved, it might be worth sorting out.

Good Luck. You are coping with some really debilitating illnesses, but that doesn't mean you're always in the wrong!!!! Hugs.

Oh no I'm not pg! Was thinking about trying for a second but this gf has really put paid to that for the time being as I need to be better. DH reckons we should stick with 1!

Hi Drac - happy new year to you sweetie - how are you feeling now? Hope you managed to have a good Xmas and New year.

With regard to your nanny - she's is being very unfair. I think you were very sweet to do what you did and acted with everyone's elses interests at heart. You haven't done anything wrong - far from it.

lots of love - TC xx

CD SORRY! Hope that wasn't tactless. Over-active imagination or something.
Anyway, you continue to look after yourself. You seem trmendously well-organised and active and bubbly most of the time, so ease up on yourself. I was thinking about you yesterday as I was preparing the most basic bung-in-oven nibbles for friends, and how fabulously enthusiastic you had been about a wonderful menu of canapes for your drinks party. I was wishing I had some Drac genes!

Cd, depression is one of the main symptoms of GF. When my sister had it in her teens, she cried all the time for "no reason" as she called it. My dh also had it as a schoolboy and was off school for months. However, it does go away and you will feel better. But rest is vital. As for your nanny, have to say I don't think she should have argued with you at all, merely impressed upon you that she would like to be considered to work even if officially on holiday. As a matter of interest, was she on paid leave?

Yes she was! I pay her for 4 weeks holiday a year. She would have been expecting to be paid again of course.

Blu, pls don't worry I am so relieved am not pg as couldn't cope at the moment anyway!

As she was on paid leave (and ill herself) then really can't see why you should have asked her at all, there simply isn't an issue.