returning to work ethic

[MrsMuddyPuddles]

Hi all, please be gentle with me, I'm feeling stressed and anxious and guilty enough as it is already!

About 2 months ago, I started back at work gradually after about 3 months off with depression. One of my main symptoms was the inability to force myself to concentrate on my job, as all the little "tricks" I'd had to snap myself into work-mode (e.g. making a cup of tea to mark the change from one activity to the next, writing down times of when I started working on a project or slacking ) stopped working. I was not 100% when I started back up, but I felt I was close enough to give it a go, and it's been working to a point, with this past week being when I've finally felt like I was basically "back to me" again.

Only... with this depresison, I've gotten into a lot of bad habits, and I'm not feeling my old work ethic again... I slack more than before I was sick (but less than when I was quite down), and can't seem to find my groove... does anyone have any constructive advice?

I had the most appalling work ethic before I left to have my children, and after my MC when I wasnt pregnant and wanted to be. Infact I have been really unmotivated in a few previous jobs. For me, moving to a different company culture was the best until I realised I just wanted to be a mum and raise my kids.

I think work apathy comes in when your own values are miles apart from what your job entails. I do sympathise though I think I would have had full blown depression eventually if I hadn't got out of my old job. It is horrid having to spend all day doing something that you have no joy in.

Are you meeting regularly with your manager? I think if not be pro-active and seek regular meetings and be honest as you are above, which is always best. if you are honest with your manager they are much more likely to support you through this than if you say nothing and they subsequently find out you are behind with work. Maybe also go back to GP?

We don't have meetings per-say, but we do sit next to each other...

It is also entirely possible that I'm being weird again and having higher-expectations of myself than anyone else nobody noticed when I was "totally underperforming" and recently when I tried to do that math to show how very much time I'd spent off sick or not performing since coming back, I was pleasantly surprised by how well I actually had done

I am honest about my illness-related things within reason, he prob doesn't need details like "hmm, I wonder if this spoon is sharp enough to dig out my left eye?" but obviously not about "I'm feeling FINE but am totally not focusing", except when that's followed by "so is it ok if I take the afternoon off as annual leave?"

Betty that's actually a bit close to home... this company USED to be a brilliant one to work for, then it started getting publically traded on the stock exchange... :( Esp as work-related stresses factored in my low mood.