Fear of leaving DS in childcare am looking for Mary Poppins

[DebsA]

Hell I'm going crazy! Have to return to work at the beginning of June and my 9month DS has got pretty bad separation anxiety and has hated large group activities for the last 3 months (surprising as he's a right little monkey). I had originally hoped he would go to nursery and am waiting for his place/time to be confimed (this isn't helping my dilemma as I don't have a start date) but am now reconsidering my options and think that maybe a childminder would be better suited to him. Have got the fear that childminders could present themselves in the best possible light, get their friends to pose as referees and then spend all day watching tv neglecting their charges - lets face it 9 month olds can't speak the truth...heeeeellllppppp how to check out the childminders??

Visit them when they have minded children present - they (the children, not the minder) will probably play up horrendously of course, but you should be able to gauge that the children are happy to be with the minder. See how she is with your baby when you visit - she will hopefully ask you questions too. Does she talk to him, and actually acknowledge that he is there?

Ask to talk to ex and current parents they mind for - I suppose you can't guarantee that they aren't just mates with the childminder, but I've sometimes had new parents visit when mindees are being collected, and they will often stay and chat for a few minutes with prospective parent (bit scary!!)

Read their Ofsted report. Ask if they have any written policies you can take home to read (although we will obviously paint ourselves very favourably).

Ask around any friends, neighbours or work colleagues if they have any recommendations.

Ask lots and lots of questions when you visit, and visit as many as you want to - it may help you decide the sort of things you definitely don't want (eg. pack of alsatians loose in garden) and the sort of things you definitely do want (someone who does lots of craft activities).

Ask minders what they would do in a typical day. Ask what sort of things they would do with a baby. Ask if they've had any experience with a "clingy" baby before, and how they resolved it.

Then move to my area because I love a challenge!

Thanks Prisoner (is that Cellblockh?) he's not that much of a challenge - he's a sweetheart who loves plant pot dirt and remote controls. Am sure I'm the same as all other first timers and am hoping to win this week's lottery...aren't all babies clingy at this age?? Glad to know I'm not the only one up at this time.

No, I am the "I am not a number" sort of Prisoner!

I am up still because I lead a sad, sad life - actually, it's because it's the only time of "day" that it's totally quiet in the house. Bliss.

Yes, lots of babies may be clingy at this age, but I think it can be sometimes be quite hard for children of any age to have to get used to being cared for by another person in a different environment. I've sometimes minded children that have had very long settling-in periods for a couple of hours at a time, building up to whatever the permanent arrangement will be. I've also minded children that start with no trial sessions whatsoever. They all deal with it in very different ways (as do the parents!)

If a baby/toddler gets stressed, lots of singing and going for walks works wonders.

If I really wanted to leave him it wouldn't be a problem - in my current workplace most are career women who at best leave all childcare to DH. My best is DH getting a new job and me not having to go back to my old one. Oh where is the reluctant Mary P?

Could you take ds to work with you and hide him under a desk?

childminders are great and I think they're a good decision for a young baby

When I was going back to work after having DS I visisted loads of nurseries .. and never got the right gut feeling from them .. I couldn't shake the thought that I didn't want my baby, who was quite placid, being ignored because he was easier to deal with than the other 2 babies someone had to watch .. also don't like places that pay people minimum wage .. yes there will be angelic nursery workers but the temptation to move jobs .. well I just didn't like it

but I loved DS's childminder .. she had grown up extraordinarly well-mannered children .. a clean and tidy house .. she was quiet and polite .. and DS loved going

no baby is going to sit in front of a tv and I think a small home-based environment with a couple of other small children is best for his development (personal opinion)

trust your gut instincts

when its a childminder you can visit any time

don't worry

Agree with Twig. Childminders are great for a younger child, imo. You don't need Mary Poppins

Get a list from your council of all the registered childminders in your area. Obviously they're going to try and present themselves in the best light - it's a job interview for them, after all! - but I think you're worrying unecessarily re: references, etc. Check out the Ofsted report and then go with your gut instinct. You and ds will be fine.

Childminders are listed here at \link{http://www.childcarelink.gov.uk/index.asp\childcarelink} - click on the area where you live.

I would definately leave a 9 month old with a childminer before a nursery. I think nuseries are good for about 24 months and up, but not before. Childminders provide a more homey atmostphere. I found mine in a panic when my other childcare plans fell through. It was thursday and I had to be at work on Monday. But, she turned out to be wonderfu, and in fact is now DD's godmother.

Where are you?

We're in Sutton

Oh, I would think you'd have loads to choose from there. We used to live in Epsom, which is where my lovely childminder lives. I suppose that's too far for you. We don't use her anymore because we have moved away and we have a nanny now.

Have a look at the childcarelink (link already provided by ThePrisoner), and pick about 5 or 10 in your area and contact them. I sent out a bunch of questionaires asking thigs like rates and hours and sicness policy, if anyone in their house smokes, etc. Then, picked about 3 of them and phone interviewed. Then went round to meet them.

Childminders also tend to be abit more flexible on hours and a tad bit cheaper than nursery.

Yep there are loads but I don't have any personal recommendations and any one of them could be Mother of Satan for all I know - sadly Epsom's in the wrong direction for both of us...shame

you're thinking it through too much .. you need to meet some of them before you think they're spawn of satan

I agree with Twig. Take the plunge. Have a chat with them. Find out who else goes there. Ask for their numbers. Have a chat with them. Go round childminders house. Meet her and her husband/kids. Then go on your gut feeling.

Childminders are lovely people (usually). Nurseries on the other hand... well... they never impressed me much. Too cold and beaurocratic for my lovely baby.

another vote for childminders. Many are very professional (they're ofsteded etc now), most are mums - whereas nurseries often emply very young girls (nothing wrong with that - but I'm always uncomfortable about it for babies- that's just me). DS3 (14 months) goes to 2 childminders (his older siblings went to nurseries- although not until they were older than he is now). I just has a nose around a (very good) nursery a few weeks ago- he'll be staying with his childminders for longer- I thought the care they offer babies was far better (and the same for older children)

My DD is six months and she has been going to a childminders for the last week. It's the best thing I have ever done, as my original thought had been nursery, and we'd gone so far as to sign a contract with a nursery before I changed my mind (bad nursery, didnt like what I saw on a surprise visit).
Anyway, we went up to meet the CM, stayed for ages and chatted, got a feel of the home and how the CM was. Was given a copy of her Ofstead report. Asked loads of questions and made decisions about what she said and how I felt (gut feeling is a good thing IME). A big deciding factor was that this was the first potential childcare avenue I had visited where somebody picked my dd up. In all the nurseries I visited, they hardly even noticed her, on one tour we left her in the baby room as requested, they plonked her in the car seat and just left her there!
I had been worried how she'd settle as she is a clingy mummies girl. However, she's fine when I drop her off, and when I pick her up she'll give me a big smile when I get there and carry on playing with the CM!
You will know if it is not right. Somewhere deep in your tummy will protest (or is that just me being a freak!)
Ask what the CM does on a day to day basis. My CM's sister is also a CM, they have days at each others homes so lots of kids mixing together, they go to baby and toddler group twice a week. When I pick up DD I'm always told what she has done and liked/disliked. For example, I'd told the CM that my mum was eager to get DD a babywalker but I wasn't sure she'd like it and didn't want money wasted, so I came home the other day to find out she'd put DD in a baby walker at the toddler group and she'd spent 40 mins laughing her head off in it and playing with the toys. I'm also told what times she ate / slept, so it puts my faith in the fact the CM is paying attention.

Good luck!

Also using the CM saves us £2000 a year than the cheapest nursery we saw.

My kids' childminder was far better with the kids than I was with them! She was patient, kind, fed them healthy home-cooked meals, took them to loads of groups/activities. They even had a bed each in her house for their naps.

I also found mine in a bit of a panic but she was great. IME a baby is far better off in someone's home than in nursery. They get to do all the things that you would do with them, and more. They also learn alot from the older children.

Debs, just go for it and visit a couple of them. You will find that your instincts will tell you which one is right.

Yafta - agree. My CM bakes fresh bread rolls each day for the kids she picks up from school. The other day she said Evie was 'helping' by means of dushing her feet in the flour!!

Are there many parents in work? you could ask them of any childminders they would recommend? I know you haven't gone back yet, but could go in and ask?

Have you been to any toddler groups? could you not ask around there?

I can totally understand your fears

I used to be a childminder. But I'm not sure I could leave my children w th somebody I didn't know or who wasn't recommended to me

saying that, I used to mix with a lot of Childminders and out of a large group there would only have been a few that I wouldn't have been happy leaving my child with. The majority were lovely