Going from 2 days to 3

[nomoreminibreaks]

Hi, I work 2 days a week and DS (18 months) goes to GPs for one day and nursery the other. I've enjoyed being back at work but recently DH has started to comment that maybe DS would benefit from another day at nursery and I could work another day. My boss has also said that she'd 'bite my hand off' if I offered to work more days.

I can't work out how I feel about all this - especially DH's saying DS would be better off at nursery than with me (although I find it hard to disagree with him - I can't help but think he benefits from all the activities they do and he loves it). He gets lots of attention from me but there aren't many group activities nearby to encourage him to interact with others.

It would help us financially but we're not going to starve any time soon if I stay on 2 days.

I feel that it might be good to do 3 days as I would feel more involved at work, we'd have more money, it might help DS' development and would also mean that if we have another child I'd get more maternity pay. I'd miss him but I think I'd cope. Nursery have checked and they have room to take him for another day.

But my heart says that the best place for a child is with a parent who loves them, right??

Anyone else been through this?

Thanks in advance!

I increased my days & nursery slightly (from 3 to 3.5 which often slipped into 4) about a month after returning to work when dd1 was 13 months. Going back had been really positive & dd was really enjoying nursery for 2days & was with GP for 1. I did end up regretting it a bit though as it's really hard to drop down once you increase I think, and she started not to want to go to nursery when she got to about 2/2.5 so we had some tough mornings. She's just started reception so the time goes so fast! If you can have more time with your dc and are not sure about doing more maybe stick to your arrangement until your dc is a bit older?

I would have thought 3 days is far more satisfying than 2, as it tips the balance into working for a bit more than half a week, which will help you feel more involved.

And your dh isn't suggesting nursery is 'better' than you- he's simply saying that the balance of nursery as well as time with parents is a good experience for your son. Also I think two days a week in nursery is probably easier than one, as once a week seems a very long gap between sessions for a young child

Plus your boss wants you more and it's more money- win win

I have recently gone from 2 to 3 days per week after a career break of 2 years. I was doing two days before I had my second child. My children are nearly 2 and 4 1/2.

I did it partly for money reasons but also partly because I found it quite hard doing just 2 days - often I was doing lots more work than warranted and only getting paid for the 2 days regardless. It was hard to do anything requiring continuity or longer pieces of work. so I ended up doing it in my spare time in order to feel I was actually contributing something meaningful.

We use a childminder not a nursery, and that's been fine so far. I think it's true what PP said about expecting difficult days at periods of separation anxiety/ when they start to really assert themselves around the 2-year old mark. And honestly....well, I think most babies would far prefer to be with their families rather than paid childcare if you gave them the choice :)

It does help when it becomes time to go to school though. There's a noticeable difference in my daughter's reception class between kids who have been to daycare of some sort and those who haven't, in terms of the ease with which they separate from parents.

In less direct terms, work helps keep me sane and a sane mum is better than an ever-present but slightly-cheesed off one. I suppose it depends how much working matters to you personally and to your sense of self. There have been periods where I haven't been at all bothered about work but as my little ones are growing up a bit I did find myself slightly hankering to get back into the wider world.

Are you sure your DH is suggesting that nursery is 'better than you'? Could there be something else going on e.g., he wants you to get a bit more of 'you' back IYSWIM or he is worried about money more than you are/ missing his old standard of living?

And remember although the working week is generally 5 days there is still 7 days in a week! So 3 days with nursery/ gps, means you still have 4 full days together and mornings and evenings on the other 3, def more time spent with you still if you do 3 days