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Starting at nursery, new baby - reassurance needed!

3 replies

bloss · 19/12/2001 08:39

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
Azzie · 19/12/2001 09:33

First thing I'd say is stop feeling guilty about this! Your son will still be spending most of his week with you, and you'll probably find (like I did) that you need a bit of time for just you and the baby (otherwise the poor baby gets almost totally ignored and you start feeling terrible about that - I've been there!). The timing obviously isn't ideal, but you're doing the best you can.
Saying goodbye and 'see you later' is really important, however distressing you may find it initially, so that he knows exactly what is going on - I'm sure it's far worse for them if they turn around and suddenly discover you've sneaked off, it's bound to make them more clingy. I found with my son that he was sometimes upset and clingy when I left, but other mums told me that when they came to drop off their children he was playing happily.
Remember that, if it is a good nursery, they will have experience of children just like your son. They will make sure that he gets his fair share of the toys, and also that he gets plenty of cuddles if he needs them. The staff at my son's nursery have always been brilliant with him (both when he needs reassurance and when he needs squashing!). They also understand that mums sometimes need a bit of reassurance! (I'm sure there were days when I sat outside in the car feeling awful while my son was already playing happily inside!).
Another important (but hard) thing from my experience is that, when you come to drop him off and he is upset, you must try and be really calm and bright so that he doesn't think 'oh, mum is rattled, so there really must be something to worry about' (hence the sitting in the carpark feeling fragile after an Oscar-worthy performance of happiness and jollity).
Sorry for rambling a bit - it's a hard subject. I hope it all goes better than you fear!

Alli · 19/12/2001 13:30

Bloss

I think the way you have thought about doing it is ideal. Is he full time for 2 days a week at nursery? I wish that I could follow your lead as your posting really touched a nerve with me. My son is leaving his nursery that he's been at since six months old to go to one much nearer where we live (and is also much smaller). He is also 19 months and I really worry (like you) how he is going to take it. I think in the long-term it will be a better choice but it's the not knowing.... - maybe some of that is with you too (as well as being about to give birth, moving back to Australia etc etc). I am struggling to rationalise my decision on a daily basis and I so think that your scenario of an hour a day or so is such a good idea - one I can't do because I'm working right now. This is such a hard subject - but I truly believe you are handling it really well.

Tia · 20/12/2001 16:29

Bloss, dhis dreadful about saying goodbye to our son, and much prefers to sneak out. It is really interesting to see his reaction now that he can talk (ds, not dh!). One day ds was crying for Daddy because dhhad gone (without saying a proper goodbye), and I got a bit impatient and said firmly "Daddy's gone to work". With that he looked relieved and said "Daddy work" and stopped crying! I do think they prefer to know that you have gone rather than wonder if you are just out of site. I also confirm the fact that they invariably cheer up pretty soon one you are out of the way! Best of luck with it all.

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