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Juggling family and work

14 replies

Yogibear72 · 14/09/2012 19:34

After watching Hilary Devay's documentary on woman in business, I am interested in hearing about real women's experiences who both work and have children. Is this possible? Or have you found yourself in a position of having to choose. Often, I dont think there is a choice because for whatever reason both parents have to work especially in today's economic climate. If this is you how have you found your experience with your employer?

OP posts:
sleepingbunnies · 15/09/2012 17:58

I think you can have it all up to an extent but something has to give a little. That for me wasnt going to be my daughters! No one ever dies
Wishing they spent more time in the office.

I too watched that documentary and I didn't think she had children at first!

I think childcare in this country is ridiculous ours would be £1700 a month for our two so this is why when I go bak to wok next month after a 13 month maternity leave my partner will be a SAHD and work in the evenings.

Nevercan · 15/09/2012 18:16

I work three days a week which I find a nice balance. I have dd1 3 and dd2 1.

sleepingbunnies · 15/09/2012 18:26

For reasons beyond or control (OH redundancy) I'm having to go back to work full time - I am dreading it. I am At least lucky that my hours mean I will be home for dinner every night.

I have DD1 who is 3.6 and DD2 who is 1 in two weeks!

Ladylou83 · 16/09/2012 02:03

I work fri-sun (30hrs) as a airport ops controller, my mum looks after dd whilst I work. I couldn't work without her due to the nature of shift work. It seems to be working for now, but it is a physical strain at times as dd with me mon-thur and in between shifts at weekend so spend most time running around like a headless chicken.

No career prospects for me at work as I'm not full time [

hairytale · 16/09/2012 21:57

I think this is incredibly sexist. Shy don't we ask fathers the same question? I think it's dreadful that this attitude that mothers can't cope with work still prevails. I'm returning from maternity leave in October - and I'm appalled by the negative (and even sympathetic) comments.

Millions of mothers work. And cope. Helll, some even enjoy it!

I thought the Hilary Devey programme was dire.

hairytale · 16/09/2012 21:57

Sorry for iPhone typos.

funchum8am · 16/09/2012 22:01

If your OH is willing to give up work or go part time that makes it a lot easier. So long as you trust your childcare and don't feel guilty it can be done but childcare is costly, men don't tend to volunteer to reduce their time at work, and the guilt you can't control!

numptymark1 · 16/09/2012 22:02

I work full time, partly because I'm a single parent and partly because I enjoy it (so flame me)

I'm management grade at the moment -work has been fantastic about giving me family friendly hours to fit in with my childcare

but I am realistic that my career is stagnant until I can be more flexible in my hours

however if I had dropped to part time, it would take me years to get back to the level where I am seen to be ready for promotion, where as at the moment they have told me they are just waiting for me to say the word

sleepingbunnies · 16/09/2012 22:59

My OH has just got a part time evening job so he can look after our girls during the day - I agree makes a massive difference! I no longer feel any guilt. I have had 2 x 14 month maternity leaves so why shouldn't he stay at home for a bit and save us the £1800 that we would spend in childcare!

travellingyessir · 17/09/2012 10:16

I have been at home for five years and am looking to go back part-time. I had a good consulting career before, but am finding it hard to even get interviews now when I mention part-time. I find is disappointing that employers aren't more flexible and my confidence is taking a bit of a battering. I made the choice to stay at home, and I don't regret it for one moment, but I had expected it to be easier to get back into the workplace. Feels as if I have to choose one or the other.

jackiesil · 17/09/2012 12:19

The OP's question is leading, immature and offensive.

Honestly, it shows such a lack of insight (whilst managing to appear so obviously the seed of a journalist looking for research avenues) that, if it wasn't for the blatant research angle, I'd think it was the sort of thing an A-level student might come up with.

Without wanting to some across as too sneery, I will comment on some of the specific points raised, even if it just prompts for some more mature thinking on the OP's part!

After watching Hilary Devay's documentary on woman in business

Hers is one voice. We all only have one voice. Her experiences cannot be treated as the truth, because it's only one person's viewpoint. If you ask a woman working in a woman-founded lawyer's office at the same time Hilary was trying to set up her business in a male-dominated industry, you're likely to get very different answers wrt women's experiences in business. Or ask a self-employer seamstress, or an actor on Broadway, or a woman serving a pub during that time.

Ask 5 people you'll get 5 answers.

I am interested in hearing about real women's experiences

As opposed to fake ones?

who both work and have children. Is this possible?

Yes, of course it is. Nip down to your local cinema, there's probably a woman working there. Or ring your local GP surgery, there will be a female doctor. Or the woman who consults to make your IT systems run faster, that'll be a woman.

Women working is nothing new.

The deeper, and more insightful questions focus on two areas:

  1. Is this a new thing? Some would argue that women have always worked, it's just that women's contributions actually mean something now (as opposed to being low-level, menial, unpaid, unrecognised, e.g. caring roles).

  2. Even when women are working, are they being held back? (What by? Attitudes? Self-sabotage, when they choose husbands who won't take emergency care leave if DCs are ill? Something else? A mix?)

Or have you found yourself in a position of having to choose.

Men have always had to choose.

Of board-level execs, there's statistics that will back this up, but essentially if you're a man you're more likely to have children than not, whilst if you're a woman it's the opposite.

Of the men who do have children, they usually miss school plays, first steps, and so on - men have never been able to have it all, and it was short-sighted for women to think they could. This doesn't make male breadwinner a bad parent, it's just that from a practical POV, it's impossible for a woman OR a man to be a highflying career person AND parent AND sibling AND best friend AND whatever else they want to be. It is possible sometimes with good timing, a fantastic support network, or exceptional stamina, but for most, it just isn't feasible.

Often, I dont think there is a choice because for whatever reason both parents have to work especially in today's economic climate.

Read up on how women were treated in the labour unions of the 1970s before you delve into that one. Or a number of other associated issues - such as the idea that women in the workplace were embraced by capitalism in order that the value of worker labour was effectively cut in half in the last 30 years (conspiracy theories, much!). I.e. in the 1970s, an able-bodied unskilled male breadwinner (e.g. warehouse staff or postal worker) could just (just) support a SAHW and two children, and at least afford food on the table with no government handouts. Try doing that today for a NMW job (and don't count your tax credits in there) on a single wage. Can't be done - not with today's house prices and inflation.

In short - I think you need to be asking some deeper questions than the OP is asking, unless it really is a paint by numbers A-level research task being undertaken.

jackiesil · 17/09/2012 12:20

hairytale, I'm glad I'm not the only one who found the OP's questions annoying.

Reminds me of all those adverts from Boots - you know, tough mother sucking it up despite feeling dreadful because husband and children need her. This "stressed mother, can't cope, oh look she's got sick on her shoulder in the office morning meeting again" crap really does no one any favours.

hairytale · 17/09/2012 21:44

Agree wholeheartedly jackiesil apart from "it's impossible for a woman OR a man to be a highflying career person AND parent AND sibling AND best friend AND whatever else they want to be."

I am in senior management and returning from maternity leave in October. My DP is becoming a SAHP. Are you suggesting I will struggle as a parent or with my job? I'll be a damn sight better parent working than not working (and relying on low wages or benefits).

jackiesil · 18/09/2012 13:51

No, hairytale, i should clarify that. wish i could edit.

I should have said "it's difficult to..." rather than "it's impossible". I just wanted to point out mainly that the idea of a woman being super mum, careerist, best / reliable friends a la sex in the city (afternoon drinks with the girls at 3pm on a weekday, really? a working day that seems to mostly involve showing high value clients around an art gallery? etc)... is a difficult one to achieve, and that men have never been able to do it en masse. setting ourselves up to be perfect in every way just results in a huge amount of pressure - some of us manage it (i don't!) but it IS more difficult than waving a wand.

(for example, your DP taking over caring duties whilst you go back - we all give and take in various places at various times.)

i don't know why women thought they had a magic answer to this.

IYSWIM.

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