am i being too sensitive?

[helkat]

I've returned to full time work when my ds turned 1, I coped with the shift pattern well but knew it wouldn't work once ds started school....so fast forward 3 1/2 years later and I managed to get a far more flexible job (so i was told at my interview) working at ds's nursery. I have been there 4 months and although i don't find the job particularly challenging i believed it was the right thing to do so i would be around for ds (dp works very long hours). Ds started school last week, today is his first full day and i had arranged dp's mum to collect ds and have look after him until i finished work at 5.30pm. unfortunately dp's mum isn't well and my back up plan (my parents) are both unavailable. So I phoned my manager, explained the situation and i suggested perhaps i could pick up ds at 3 then come back with him til 5.30.....you'd have thought i spat in the tea the respnse i got, I have never been spoken to like that. She basically said no way and i had to get it sorted and it can never happen again! I understand we need staff ratios i'm not stupid, but i'm in a really difficult situation and did not expect to be spoken to so rudely by someone in a managerial position.
Have i re-acted too sensitively? tbh i felt like telling her to stuff her job but her boss (who i had my interview with and who assured me the job would be flexible) is away on holiday til next week and i really like her so would feel awful just walking out (i haven't signed a contract so legally don't think i need to give notice) also would feel like a total failure if i just gave up.. Sorry for long thread....this is actually my first ever post on mn, what a way to start!!

first off, you should have (legally) had a contract within 4 months of starting work.

Secondly, her action may have been a reaction to your attitude in asking, so just think back and ask yourself, how did I ask? Also, this request was over the phone and things sound different over the phone, and you dont know what happened just before you rang.

Thirdly, wait till her boss gets back and get it sorted out properly.

Good luck, i hope it all gets sorted out.

I wish I could agree and say she was re-acting to the way i asked but i could not have been more polite and apologetic, I have seen her speak to other staff this way and i guess i just haven't been on the wrong side of her before so hadn't experienced it first hand!
Thank you for the advice, its hard to see things from outside the box sometimes so nice to have someone else's point of view!
I mentioned to her that i may have a similar problem on friday and she (again very rudely) said "get friday sorted now". I really hate confrontation and i'm dreading going in at 12.30 today, i need to find the confidence to go in and not let her make me feel like a child.

You will need to develop the hide of a rhino to cope with working and kids at school.

Some reality checks for you:-

1. Contracts are binding even if not signed, and clauses can be binding even if not documented. If you know the hours/terms you should be working to, and then perform to those hours/terms you are deemed to be working under a contractual obligation. So you do need to give contractual notice to leave.
2. Childcare cover is your problem and nothing whatsoever to do with work. Whilst it would be nice if people could be understanding, that is a benefit, not a given. The more you talk about your personal issues at work the less professional respect you earn (that counts for anything not just childcare issues)
3. If you don't have cast iron plans, back up plans and an emergency plan for when the back-up fails, then you DO need to get it sorted
4. Where was DP in all of this? If you have a child your employer will expect emergency care to be shared. It is monumentally unfair to burden it all on the one employer. If your child misses two days in a week an employer will expect one of those days to be covered by your partner. They will NOT respond sympathetically if you tell them his job is more important/pays more (nor should they; the child has two working parents, end of)
5. You DO have the legal right to emergency time off (no matter what the boss said) but not to care for your child yourself, only to make the necessary arrangements for alternative childcare.
6. If you check CM in the area you may find ones willing to cover emergency situations. Leaving your child with a stranger is a horrible thought, but sacrifices do have to be made sometimes (and you shouldn't be expecting your employer to do the sacrificing).

All that sounds harsh, but once your child has got through the next year or so then after-school clubs, etc should be available which makes life much easier.

They were definitely reality checks! wow think that's the first and last time i post a thread....seriously, 'harsh' is an understatement! As for being professional at work and not talking about your personal issues etc i bet you're a barrel of laughs! thanks for reminding me that i am a much nicer person and have the empathy to understand when someone just wants to be told 'yes your boss is a bitch, good luck!"

Helkat, if you want sympathy and back patting, post in chat - StillSquiffy has just pointed out your legal standing. Whinging on about your personal life is unprofessional and a bar to women in general making progress in their careers - leave it at home.

No, your boss shouldn't treat you or your colleagues nastily. Sort out your child's care and raise a grievance when the other boss gets back.

This is Employment Issues - not Chat. If you want to just bitch about your boss then that's obviously fine but if you don't Squiffy has given you some really good advice.

Everyone has this problem at some point, the point is it's not your bosses problem.

or i could have been a liar and said i was sick, perhaps being honest was my problem.

No, your problem is that both your childcare and your back up plan failed simultaneously and right at the start of term. Of course your manager is concerned that your arrangements are inadequate, as you have no track record so early in the school year to demonstrate that it will usually work.

What you need is a plan that does not rely on family being available, and I think the advice to find an after school CM is good.

Good advice on here helkat - your responses are sadly not so good. I've got sympathy with a working parent (am one myself) but my sympathy dwindles rapidly when they have a sense of entitlement.

Put yourself in the shoes of the manager. Early into new arrangements and you want to leave work mid day and then bring your child to work?

As as been pointed out, it might have been assumed that this is a pattern beginning.