I'm miserable - make me feel better

[toysoldiers]

I gave up my job in TV when DS3 was born and moved out of London.

For the past 3 years I've been freelancing in various places. I've had one long term client who gives me a day a month, had a couple of 3 month contracts and another much longer one which paid well.

My longer term one came to an end before the summer so I decided to take the summer off. I had earned enough to see me through and I had bad feelings about the company as the MD was basically a psychopathic narcissist .

All well and good but now it's September and I don't know what to do with myself. I have no work and finding it soul destroying looking.

I feel like leaving London was career suicide as, although I can get here for meetings etc, I'm not really in a position to commute when kids are so small. The clients I've had up until now have been very small sp I feel like the status I had when in full time employment has gradually been eroded and I feel a little embarrassed.

Part of me feels I should just give it up entirely and find a new career locally but I don't seem to be qualified for anything. Also I don't want to work full time which limits my options in terms of people taking a punt on me.

I'm not good at taking risks but feel like i need to do something.

DH doesn't earn a massive amount so we need my earnings to maintain the lifestyle we have.

I just feel suddenly like I've fucked everything up and need to get a confidence boost, or some direction or something.

I realise this is all self-indulgent whining but I'm not sure how to get myself out of it.

Ok, firstly, leaving London CAN be career suicide if you imagine that you'll be able to carry on doing the same thing as always. You have to adapt and evolve.

I have no idea why you would feel embarrassed. Look at your CV- you did a great job at big full time employment company and have continued to freelance with such and such. Think 'transferable skills'!

As for taking up a new job entirely, why? Is there genuinely nothing that you could do in your current employment. Unless it's a really specialist thing that you do I am sure that there will be something.

What was/is your job title for your freelancing? (If it doesn't out you.) It's hard to make suggestions when 'working in TV' could be just about anything!

Sounds like your biggest issue is a loss of confidence more than anything else. Not sure I have any practical advice - but I kind of understand how you feel. Supportive hug x

Yes it is a confidence thing. My job was for a broadcaster and involved lots of international travel, entertaining etc. It came with a great deal of status, perks etc.

I think I need to remind my self is that I chose to give this up because I wanted to be at home for the children. We chose to leave London because we genuinely thought the children would benefit more. I suppose I feel like the work I am doing now is much lower down the pecking order but again, I need to remember that I chose this, over the high flying career.

I also feel that the status I had when I left has been diminished slightly and, although I have maintained all my relationships, I am far less important than I used to be . I am paranoid that people mutter about what a shame it is etc.

Ridiculous I know but I've got into a very negative cycle.

I have thought about becoming a copy writer, or moving into social media or marketing but am just struggling to give myself the boost to do it.

You can only make yourself feel inferior, no one else can, or something like that, its a famous quote by elegant Roosevelt. I remind myself of it from time to time, when I feel just like you. Easy to say hard to do! I left London 8 years ago with small children and gradually started to do stuff work wise bit by bit, mostly for nothing except expenses. I was in pr before so I just did a website via Mr Site and called/emailed a few local companies & heritage centre and started from there.

Join local networking groups/women in business etc etc, not all cheesy weirdos I promise! I went to a social media seminar in manchester recently, sat at the back and talked to no one but learned at lot. I also subscribe to Marketing magazine, quarterly direct debit, to keep up to speed with stuff and to feel in the loop.

All this helps, try it.

Don't despair! You still are that person who did all those things-plus a lot more now.I agree with caro- networking and redefining your identity is the way in.Also work comes from people you know-are you on linkedin?
Have a look at the entrepeneur/make £1000 qa month threads(sorry can't link)
There is also TONS of stuff to build confidence out there(lots free or low cost)-have a look at Forward Ladies and Suzy Greaves big leap is good too.
Good luck.Reinvent

Could you ask an ex-contact to mentor you?

Feeling miserable/status-less etc is a freelancer occupational hazard.

Plus, in a lot of sectors there isn't nearly as much freelance work around as there was say 5 years ago at the moment because people are watching their budgets.

TwentyTen is right about LinkedIn - not that it will give you a job precisely, but it's really handy for finding out quickly who your contacts know in a way that wasn't really possible before it existed. Your NingNangNong bespoke strategy for finding some more work is as follows:

• Set up/improve your LinkedIn profile and have a twiddle around with it - who do your contacts know at places there might be some work for you?
• put the DCs with grandma/neighbour etc so you can make one appointment per week for lunch, coffee etc with a work contact. Start with a nice, friendly contact, not a scary one. You don't have to say 'I'm inviting you out to lunch because I'm looking for some work'. Write off the travel costs and some level of food costs as a business expense and keep an eye, out of interest, on how many inches of cappucino froth it takes you get the next job.
• during the lunch, when they ask you what you're doing at the moment you can say 'business development' and laugh in a self-deprecating way. 'I'm putting out a few feelers to see what's out there - we'll see what develops'. Your contact may either then say 'oh well, good luck with that' or something along the lines of 'oh we may have something coming up' or 'Mr X was looking for someone the other day'.
• after lunch, which will be somewhere in Soho, Shepherds Bush etc, go to a free museum or gallery before heading home.

This sales approach really works, I promise (or your money back ). But it's all about the weak network (ie people you know through work) not about close friends. You start by formally identifying who your weak network is, hence using LinkedIn to help.