things you wish you'd known when starting out in your career?

[gregsbride]

DH and I are currently trying for our first DC (for 3 months or so now, so not really very long) but i've been working for the last year or so to prove my worth/merit in my first job out of uni (i graduated summer '11, managed to get a job with a company within two weeks of graduating, although the recruitment process was about 2 months long altogether). i've been lurking browsing the MN forums for at least the last 18 months/2yrs or so, and wondered if you kind ladies had any hints and tips to share regarding career building when you're young? i'm espcially keen to get information on how to juggle climbing the corporate ladder when you're also trying for a family, and so soon after graduating (my DH is 4 years older than me, and much more ready to settle down and start having little ones than i was initially). i suppose i'm scared of having spent so long studying that i'm worried about the effect on my career prospects if i take maternity leave - other than this, i have zero resevations about starting our familyso soon. it's just the problem of having that blip so soon that i'm worried about (the maternity leave). :(

Are you already in a job or about to take a career break? If you are on maternity leave i would make sure you keep in touch with your work place because you can easily get forgotten. Ask to be kept uptodate with what's going on ie be kept on the email circulation list plus go to meetings and even social events if they have them.

If you're out of a job, keep up to date by going to some conferences, jopining networking sites like Linkedin - keep visible - however once you have a child don't be surprised if career thoughts vanish because you become so besotted with the dc.

I was always incredibly ambitious prior to havin children and was adamant that I would return to work as soon as they were old enough that I felt ready to leave them in full time childcare (I had thought around 3 months).

Since having DS I have become a SAHM as my career no longer matters to me. I'm studying part time so that I can hopefully start my own business when I feel ready to re-enter working outside the home but am thinking that will be at least 5 years down the line (DS is 17 months). So as mirry said, your career may still be as important to you after having a child, but don't be shocked if it isn't :)

Imho, if working for somebody, the minute you have children your options are extremely limited. No matter how good you are, they always seem to expect you to disappear off on mat leave again or need days off to look after sick children.

I never took time off nor had another child so it was all unfounded but I felt really trapped.

So I went self employed. It's a nightmare juggling everything but I'm much more satisfied and have a better balance of life/work.

It really does depend on what industry you are in and how long you have been doing the job to be honest. I waited to have children until my early 30's, established my career and went back very much on my own terms, it hasn't held me back. Since children I have moved jobs, always asking and getting the hours I wanted but I had years of a track record and in demand skills (probably more luck than judgement!) You don't appear to have been in the workplace for very long and if you get pregnant soon by the time you go on maternity leave you'll have about 2 yrs work experience, that's not a long time. If you want to continue in your current role, in order to build up your career I would think you would need to go back full time, until you have made yourself indispensible, then request flexible working to suit you.

Id second comments on here about once you've had children you're seen as less committed.

You can get your DH to shoulder all drop offs and pick ups, to cover all sick leave and you can do all the extra hours and in some industries it won't make a blind bit of difference.

You procreated on their watch you traitor!

Sad really, though I stick at it still!

Best of luck on the conception!

I have a friend who had her children in her early 20s, very shortly after graduating. She is now senior in her field and is very successful. I have always thought it made a lot of sense to do things that way round in many cases.

In her case, what has made the difference is that her partner became a SAHD. If your partner is keener on having children at this stage than you are, would he consider this, for a while at any rate?

You are legally required to take two weeks' maternity leave, but not more than that, and maternity leave has only become this long quite recently. What about taking a shorter leave, perhaps 3 months?

I think my main feeling is, don't panic, and look for a senior mentor in your field/organisation who is family-orientated and also focused on their career (they do exist). Not necessarily female although I would look for women first.

My best wishes for your successful future.

I'm about eight years into my career and near the top of what I do. I don't think I'd come this far if I had had children as young as you. To get anywhere decent career-wise you need to focus on it for a while. If you just want a job rather than a career have kids whenever.

And in my opinion, you won't prove much worth/merit in just one year.

It's really tricky. Perhaps you should have all your babies and then start on your career down the line.

You need to ensure that you have enough childcare in place to support your career. And - depending on the career path you have chosen - that childcare needs to be flexible enough to enable you to do as much as your competing colleagues. If you have kids young the biggest hurdle is cost - if you work long hours and commute you will need to earn more than £50k just to cover the costs of a flexible nanny (because you will pat for her on post-tax earnings). Other options are your DH staying at home, or living close to parents and using them for support/emergency/wrap around care.

You can use cheaper options such as childminders, but that will make you less flexible and will hold back many careers.

If your DH is also pursuing a career then you will need to have a conversation about who will give it up (or put it on the back burner) once you have 2+ kids. 2 career families with kids are pretty unusual (and very difficult when climbing the ladder).

It may be best to take a clear period of X years completely out of the market and then build the career.

"It may be best to take a clear period of X years completely out of the market and thenbuild the career."

That is terrible advice. After a few years as a SAHM, you are unlikely to secure a graduate position. Two career families with kids is not at all unusual.

Maternity leave will hold you back, it will make it harder for you to prove yourself when you come back, but it can be done. Women do it all the time.

Hmm, interesting. I had my DD when I was 18 then went to uni. Now I have 1 year's experience in my first fulltime professional job and although I would LOVE to have a baby with my partner now, I know I don't have enough experience in my field yet - it would be impossible to come back after mat leave and do the hours required to compete as a junior - it is difficult enough with a 7 year old. When you have more experience you are more valuable to a company so you can get more flexibility. And if you take a career break it will be easier to get back into the job market if you already have a few years experience. If I were you I would wait at least a couple more years.

I recommend work full time until you go into labour. Reutnr to work in a few weeks full time.
Most important of all make sure your husband does as mcuh as you do at home with the baby always and domestically.
Also ensure he as much as you is finding the nursery, child minder or nanny, not you. This is a parent's issue not a female issue.

This worked for me despite 5 children and 30 years on I earn quite a bit.

Also get some good books on expressing breast milk. I could express at work and in fact I've never fed a baby from a bottle.

Ensure when you are pregnant you don't go into some major I am ill huge attention seeking thing some pathetic women go in for. Give employers solutions.

Stocism is what this country needs.

You may not want to take 2 weeks off to have the baby in (I used holiday) but it definitely works and I can assure you it is a massive massive break to be able to commute read a book without a baby pawing you and screaming, sit at a desk and have that day break from the baby . It is also really good for babies too - see all the mumnset threads on how working mothers are best with babies and do the best for them.

I re-emphasise the most important point - ensure your other half is not sexist and your career is not second. Reutn in a few weeks and have a pattern that say you collect the child 2 nights a week and he 3 so one of you is not the "second career" just earning pin money. Those sexist relationships never work very well.

This talk answers the OP

www.ted.com/talks/sheryl_sandberg_why_we_have_too_few_women_leaders.html

I agree with Xenia's approach. Do not take full maternity leave and when you are off keep in touch as much as you can. Ensure that your DH does as much parenting as you and be certain that you not only have comprehensive and suitable childcare but a back up plan too. If you do get the opportunity for any "grand gestures" to show committment then take them - I volunteered to do a fairly arduous fortnight in London ( we live in the west country) when I was 32 weeks with DS1 which got me lots of brownie points and I went back for the odd day during maternity leave in advance of the return to work at 8 weeks - work paid for a nanny for 2 days for that.

"working mothers are best with babies and do the best for them."

So all other mothers are rubbish then? I rarely comment on threads but these sweeping statements annoy the hell out of me, are offensive and unnecessary.

Most mothers aim to do what's best for their children. My mother stayed home for 8 years and went on to be very successful. Do what is best for you. If u want something bad enough u can make it work.