Letchy clients - how do you deal with them?

[Frieda]

I've recently become self-employed and at the moment have only a small number of clients I get regular work from. (Ok, so far I have two .) Last week, I went to an industry event having been invited by one of my clients, who had already had a bit to drink by the time I arrived. Very soon, he was sitting next to me and started trying to steer the conversation on to matters of a - er - personal nature. I tried to fend him off good-naturedly and steer the conversation onto more neutral ground, desparately trying to put out 'rescue me' signals to the other people at the table, but he just wouldn't give up. To be honest, he's always struck me as a bit of a one for bawdy banter, but he appears to behave like that to everyone, so I didn't think too much of it, but this was taking things a few steps too far for my liking. He was really invading my personal space and ended up more or less implying that I should have an affair with him.

After I left, he sent me a text - nothing bawdy, just saying how much he'd enjoyed the evening. Then my mobile rang at about midnight - him, so I turned it off, feeling a bit rabbit-in-the-headlights like. He didn't leave a message and I haven't heard from him since, but will have to speak to him this week as I'm doing a project for his company and the deadline's looming.

Now I know, to some extent, it would have been the drink talking - he'd had a good deal by the end of the evening - but it's left me feeling really uncomfortable. The trouble is, I do need the work, and the work he puts my way is better paid and more interesting than that of my other non-letchy client. However, in no way would I even consider having any sort of affair with this man. He's probably feeling a bit embarrassed at the way he behaved (or possibly annoyed at getting the brush-off - I don't really know), so I'd just appreciate some ideas as to how to play it.

The way I would deal with this bloke is to be really charming and straighforward and joky. For example, 'listen sweetheart, obviously you are a very attractive man but you do realise that I am just mad about my dh and will never stray' say things like that loudly and in front of other people and this will dissapate the affect and give him a clear messege, and probably deter him if he is at risk of appearing foolish in front of colleagues.

Also if you are direct he will be more likely to respect your professionalism.

I always used to let it be known that my boyfriend or nowadays husband plays rugby at the weekends nad keep a wallet sized photo of him looking massive handy.

I've also had to call him occasionally on my mobile when out at a social function as "he worries about me on my own as he says that some men with a bit of drink down their necks can't take no for an answer".

Fortunately/Unfortunately I am fatter and less attractive these days so don't really have a problem.

Thanks both of you - yes, the direct approach sounds really sensible. And adding 'although you're a very attractive man' (although he's not really will sooth his ego, too. I think I'll try that.

I bet you're lovely, Normsnockers - I'm no spring chicken, either.

Frieda, I'm afraid I am of the "sweep it under the carpet" brigade. Be absolutely professional the next time you and him talk. At most, make a joke about how he looked like he had a little too much to drink that evening - if he seemed to be looking for some kind of acknowledgement. But leave it at that. Avoid evening and drinks with him. If not possible, get dh to call you on mobile at least once in the evening and talk to dh in client's presence.

If your client is embarassed about his behaviour, this gives him a face-saving way out. If he won't take no for an answer, you don't need his business. Just because you are in the service industry doesn't mean you are fair game.

I agree with blueshoes that if he doesn't take the hint that you should just forget about doing business with him

Thanks, blueshoes. That's good advice. I guess that's one of the downsides of being self-employed. If I was employed, and a boss or line manager behaved like this towards me, it would be construed as sexual harrassment (which, in a way, I feel it is) and I'd have some form of redress without fear of losing my job (in theory ). As it is, I feel I have to take it (to some extent) or lose his business.

I'm going to try and keep it coolly professional from now on - at least most of our communication is by email and I don't have to see him very often, which makes life easier.

Hi Frieda, unfortunately some men take advantage of women like you in this position - not saying your client is one of them. My job (employee) used to require me to service client accounts and I did get this crap from my clients - ok, once only. Luckily, I had an understanding boss who took me off the account but if not, I would have been stuffed. Being self-employed also means you are a free-agent. You don't need this. You can always go and get some new clients