Hi there,
I went (and somehow am still going) through the same sort of experience, having difficulty juggling children, family life, work and all the guilt that seems to go with doing or not doing every single thing. For me the solution was to talk a lot to a friend, and to a psychologist (when I thought I would bore my friend to death) to try and accept that some babies are more challenging than others (like yours seemed to be), that I cannot do it all at the same time, that it is a matter of making the choices you want (and not the ones your familly, friends, or the magazines want you to do) and most of all, that there is no guilt to have about it. One last thing : it does not matter if you feel you haven't cuddled your baby enough when he was small, you can definitively still cuddle him now and for years to come ! It actually gets better when they can return the cuddle :-)
Here is a bit about me :
BB1 was a difficult baby, did not sleep, cried for hours, difficult breastfiding, etc, so I did not really enjoyed the first years either. I felt really low at the time, probably post-partum depression, but 'depression' seemed to be a shame word in my familly environment, so I just waited, hoped for it to pass. I went back to work when she was 1, which I found exhilarating but extremally tiring, and we had BB2 when BB1 was 2 1/2. BB2 turned out to be a very easy-going baby, slept and ate very easily, always happy (probably the kind of baby your friend had). They are now 6 and 4-year old; for the last few years I have been working on and off due to various moves, but all the while feeling very tired, stretched by the daily organisation and work schedule, and not sure I was enjoying either my work life nor my family life. I was constantly feeling bad for not being able to take part to the interesting projects at work as I could not work longer hours, while also wondering every day if my kids were enjoying their life, if they should not be doing more activities and outings, having friend over, which also required more of my time... One day it became to much to bear (I sat crying in front on my daughter's school, rather than going in to meet her for the school end-of-year fair, my husband had to rescue me) I went to see a friend and started talking about all that I felt, thought, etc. That friend was male, single, no kids, so totally removed from all the issues and questions I was handling. I knew he would not judge, or even try to offer solutions, but that he would just offer a open ear, confort and a cup of coffee. Then I carried on talking to a psychologist every 2 weeks for a few months. Just the talking, talking, talking (not discussing solutions or right/wrong) helped me get the steam out. I also read a lot about handling work and family life, left my old job (that had just no recognition, no evolution and inexistant HR policies) to look for a new one, make my own decisions (like "this decade is for my kids, I'll keep working but only to try and get a high-end job in the next decade" or "I'm crap at doing crafts with the kids, but that is OK, as the after-school activities are brilliant at it"), as guilt often comes from decisions or choices that I had not really accepted ...
It took a long time, but now I feel more balanced, and confident about what I want and do not want to do in my professional and personnal life. I am starting a new job in 2 weeks time, I hope that I will manage to keep the right balance, we will see...
Sorry for the very long post, I hope it helps you fell better. As I said at the beginning, I think it is important to voice (or write down) the things that worry you, to discuss them, to decide what is important for you, as a mum, as a professionnal, as a partner, at this time of your life...
All the best !
UnderTheSun