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Work

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Original poster

Me and my husband both work full time

20 replies

musicmusic · 08/08/2012 13:46

We have 2 kids: one is 3.5 old boy and one is 3 months. I work in school and have school holidays and my husband has got 8-4 pm job. I am so stressed when we work both full time. I have to work full time, as I earn more than my husband. He asked his employer to do 4 days a week longer hours but this got refused. I think if there was just one day when he could be at home - this would relieve a bit of pressure... do you think he could ask his employer to reduce his hours to 4 days a week,so going part-time ?

OP posts:

Chocoholiday · 08/08/2012 14:28

That's so unfair of his employer - sorry to hear that. Did they give good reasons for the refusal, and why exactly condensed hours would be a problem for them? Definitely ask for part time if they won't agree to condensed hours, if you can cope with the financial impact. Both parents working full time is really hectic.

Gumby · 08/08/2012 14:33

8-4 sound good hours to me and as the children get older and are at school in the day he'll be glad to see them every evening won't he?

Where does the stress come from?

Could you get a cleaner to make things easier, do online shopping maybe?

minipie · 08/08/2012 17:10

If he gets home at 4pm every day and you get school hols off that sounds like a very good version of full time TBH, and perfect for the school years.

Of course that doesn't mean it's not stressful in the meantime, but it may that there are solutions other than cutting hours that would help, as Gumby suggests.

TBH if his employer has refused 4 days longer hours, I can't see why they would agree to 4 days shorter hours, unless your DH is willing to accept a big pay cut and that is valuable to them at the moment.

Original poster

musicmusic · 08/08/2012 20:41

My DH leaves home at 7 am and comes back at 5 pm ( so at work he is between 8 and 4). I leave home 7 and come back between 4.40pm-5.30pm, sometimes even later if there are meetings/parents evenings etc. We already have a person who comes to clean the house and still feels hectic. I just thought that when kids go to primary school, we will never be able to pick them up as we always work..and is it worth it? my husband earns £65 a day - I do not know is it low/average amount? is it worth cutting the pay and asking employer to do 4 days so that the 5th day can be dedicated to kids - go to school/ pick up from school/ catch up on housework...? what do you think?

OP posts:

minipie · 08/08/2012 22:05

How much are your childcare costs per day? are they more than £65/day - I expect they probably are...?

If so it would make sense to ask for part time even if it means a pay cut - but be prepared that they may say no.

Original poster

musicmusic · 08/08/2012 22:16

you are right, the cost of formal childcare can be the same as my husband's earning. we have had a lot of help from my mother and we did not feel the whole impact of childcare, but now when I have a baby - I want to ask my mum to look after the baby and the other one to send to the childminder - then it will cost us. Are there any other reasons why would my husband be motivated to keep 5 days work - is it good for a career progression/ pension?

OP posts:

minipie · 08/08/2012 22:21

Well yes it usually is better for career progression to stay full time - depending on his job.

Pensions these days are generally contributory so if he keeps contributions at the same level his pension wouldn't be affected. However if he's a civil servant this may be different.

Original poster

musicmusic · 08/08/2012 22:45

he work as a technician for school. so is it important 5 days a week for his "career"?

OP posts:

minipie · 08/08/2012 22:58

I don't know - only he can know that?

twentyten · 10/08/2012 10:30

Be worth sitting down and making a long term plan looking at key milestones- dc's starting nursery/ school etc and high school and perhaps taking financial advice re pensions etc. sounds like life is very complex at the mo and I would say will stay like that until dc's are both in primary full time. Is your dh in a union? They may be able to help. Schools are looking to cut costs so may welcome p/t.. Good luck!

OneLittleToddlingTerror · 10/08/2012 10:41

I agree with many that you already have a very good with all the school holidays covered and 8-4 for your DH. It's not unfair your husband was refused 4-day. I don't know the nature of his work but many can't feasible to have non-full time workers. Many families cope with having both parents work full time. My parents did, and I hope DH and I can too. (DD is only 16mo. I hear preschool years are the easiest). It's not hectic at all atm since I don't have to worry about school holidays, after school etc. We plan to just take it one year at a time and see.

OneLittleToddlingTerror · 10/08/2012 10:43

If he's a technician for the school, maybe it's because ti's not feasible to have another person to cover the one day a week he doens't work? Assuming they need someone everyday of the week?

confusedperson · 10/08/2012 10:52

I agree with others, you have a very good version of FT work!! My DH works 9-5:30 and I work 9-4:30 the whole year round!! DS1 is 4.4 and will be going to primary school in September, DS2 is 1.9 and goes to nursery. They both have been at FT childcare except during my maternity leaves. It's a juggle, but doable. Yours sound ideal!!!

Original poster

musicmusic · 10/08/2012 13:14

thank you - that gives me an insd to sitight of how other mothers cope...I think I need to sit with my DH and set long term goals and maybe seek financial advice - how to start looking for financial advice? where can I find a good financial advisor?

OP posts:

minipie · 10/08/2012 13:20

What sort of financial advice do you want? Financial advisers generally advise on where to invest your money (pensions, ISAs, etc) rather than what you should do job-wise.

What is wrong with your situation at the moment? Is it too little money or not enough time? Or both?

twentyten · 10/08/2012 18:24

I believe it is vital to live the way you want! Are you or do in unions? Teacher pension websiites ate helpful - try money saving expert website is good too. Try ifa website for advisers. Your bank may have advisers too. Childhood goes so fast.

OneLittleToddlingTerror · 12/08/2012 09:51

But it's not so simple in OPs case. Her DH earns less and the plan currently is him cutting back. We aren't sure if he is willing to give up work entirely to SAH even if they can manage it money wise. It takes a certain mind set to devote yourself entirely to the children. I know I can't do it, and it's even harder for men as there aren't really any SAHD support groups. I assume it wouldn't be possible for the OP to cut back on hours herself. Being a parent is just so difficult.

Original poster

musicmusic · 12/08/2012 14:14

I think the stress comes from the fact that my DH is out from 7 till 5 pm everyday and I have to think about the childcare options and if he does not earn much - I am thinking that if he was at home at least one day a week - this owuld give a bit more space for planning, devoting to children rather than earning little money

OP posts:

twentyten · 12/08/2012 19:43

It has been said that every family needs two days "wife work"!?! per week for all the housework/admin/ appointments etc which are neccesary to life. Doesn't matter who does it!I'm all for outsourcing whatever you don't enjoy...but building in "margin" is key- thinking about playdates etc in the future,and all the other things....... What does your DH want to do long term?Does he have skills he could use working from home?
I really believe just having a bit of leeway which allows for sickness/accidents etc helps.But deciding in view of the long term too-career options long term.

MtnBikeChick · 13/08/2012 22:08

Wow you have an amazing set up. Are you sure it is the work making you stressed and not something else? My husband and I also both work full time, leave house 730am get home 630pm. It is pretty stressful ANC busy but we like our jobs so it is worth it. The hours you have, and not working school hols is the dream for many families...

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